Ponies, Pepperoni, Happiness, and Pot

On Saturday, a large group of pasty-white people (the better to glow with, my dear) assembled and visited the Auburn Supermall, making it the largest crowd that particular mall has seen since 1988, for the express purpose of playing blacklight minigolf. I had offered to have people over to paint their faces with UV-reactive makeup, and I myself had intended to do a glowing neon sugar-skull mask, but as the hours crept by and no one showed, I decided to go for something a little more subtle, as I didn’t want to be That Douche in public.

I was That Douche in public regardless, as while we waited for stragglers to show, I volunteered to test out the hurricane simulation booth, because if I didn’t do it, who would, right?

My hair was a series of very fine knots for the rest of the day.

We also noted that the nearby Hippy-Dippy-Do-Dah store sold suspicious-looking ‘massage wands’.

Sean takes his minigolf quite seriously–the glowing hat and glasses make all the difference in the world…if we were keeping score. Which we weren’t.


I learned an important lesson that day as well, namely, that it is incredibly difficult to minigolf while wearing a feather boa, which tends to wrap around the handle of the club and choke one just as one is taking an important shot.


The course itself was designed by a sadist who hates minigolfers–the very first hole involved a bridge under which the ball got stuck nearly every goddamn time, forcing the golfer to their knees and use their club like a pool cue. The course was also set up in such a way that balls tended to shoot off-course and toward other people in the venue.




I sincerely feel that if three wolf moon can be a thing, five glowing sharks should also be a thing. There are five of them! And they’re glowing!

At the end of the course, there was a hole set up like minigolf pachinko–if you managed to get your ball into the orange hole, you’d win a free game. I didn’t actually get that far, as, completely disenchanted with the course and choking myself with feathers, I declared myself done and handed over my club and ball at the counter. Rob, however, won a free game!


After golf, we made our way to Shindig for delicious booze, and then over to Emily’s for dinner and board games–first we played Quelf, which was both ridiculous and highly entertaining–we were dancing jigs and making animal noises and holding hands and singing songs and even had a round of group therapy, and by the time we were tired and slap-happy, we started playing ‘Things’, where each round, everyone wrote down their answer to card prompts like ‘Things you shouldn’t do in a graveyard’, ‘Things you would do you if you were invisible’, ‘Things you shouldn’t experiment with’, etc. My name popped up frequently as a ‘thing you would do in the dark’, a ‘thing that is dirty’, and so on and so forth. Eventually we even started recycling slips, and the phrases ‘donkey punch’, ‘pepperoni’, ‘fuck a ghost’, and ‘electricity’ started popping their way into most rounds.

…Something is seriously wrong with my friends.

Which is why I love them, of course.

45 Comments Ponies, Pepperoni, Happiness, and Pot

  1. moonrock July 27, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    The nice guy at the counter let me try that last hole a second time, which turned into about 10 tries because I kept not getting it up the ramp at all. haahhhh. It was good times!

    1. admin July 27, 2010 at 6:42 pm

      hahaha ramps are my mortal putting enemey!

      1. moonrock July 27, 2010 at 6:46 pm

        well, i got it up the ramp but it wasnt going to the left to go back down the plinko side of it, it just kept shooting back at me. CURSE YOU, GLOWING GOLF BALL.

  2. scearley July 27, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    If I didn’t take minigolf seriously, then who would be around to appreciate the rotating platform at the Putting Zoo in Puyallup?

    1. admin July 27, 2010 at 6:39 pm

      I’ve never heard of the Putting Zoo before! Is it awesome?

      1. scearley July 27, 2010 at 6:42 pm

        WAY beyond awesome. Three legitimate courses, real-deal water hazards, waterfalls. Here’s Anna taking on the 17th hole on course #3:

        1. admin July 27, 2010 at 6:44 pm

          I am SO ALL OVER THAT.

          1. scearley July 27, 2010 at 6:45 pm

            They also have go-karts.

          2. admin July 27, 2010 at 6:49 pm

            I still want to do that indoor go-kart place.

          3. moonrock July 27, 2010 at 7:01 pm

            there are multiple of these places!

          4. admin July 27, 2010 at 7:08 pm

            I just need to be able to convince people to go, go-karting is no fun by yourself, even when it’s “the most intense fun you can have inside”!

          5. mschilepepper July 27, 2010 at 8:18 pm

            I drive past that joint every Saturday going to/from Market!

          6. admin July 27, 2010 at 9:01 pm

            Speaking of Market, I will be coming to visit you this weekend at the Games!

          7. mschilepepper July 28, 2010 at 4:43 am

            Wheeeee! Is anybody else joining you? I’d slip ya some passes, but they only give me two per day, the stingyfrugal bastards. 😀

            I’m in the Hall of the Vendors, between British Pantry and Second Skin Leather Goods.

            Be sure to wear LOTS of sunscreen; there’s very little shade at the fairgrounds. Might not be a bad idea to bring one of those foldy-uppy camp chairs, if ya got one.

          8. admin July 28, 2010 at 5:30 am

            Unless I have a last-minute taker, I’m going by myself. Sunscreen it is! And maybe a hat, if I can find one!

          9. mschilepepper July 28, 2010 at 6:08 am

            If I have room, I’ll stick an extra chair in with my stuff, so you have a place to sit when you visit Laurel and me. 🙂

        2. moonrock July 27, 2010 at 6:47 pm

          WHAT THE HELL

          1. scearley July 27, 2010 at 6:58 pm

            Think you can putt straight on that? You can’t putt straight on that. Id’ like to see TIger WOods take that thing on. Anyone can sink a putt when the whole world has to hold their breath and the grass is manicured and pristinely flat. Let’s see those “pros” handle this while some 4 year old is screaming and dripping ice cream in their cuffs.

          2. moonrock July 27, 2010 at 7:01 pm

            i think we need to go to this place

          3. admin July 27, 2010 at 7:08 pm

            Agreed, let’s make this happen.

          4. stationary_jew August 2, 2010 at 3:12 pm

            I kind of want to go back to Washington to go to that place, but I need to replenish my supply of glasses first.

  3. bork July 27, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    I want to go with you on some of your roadtrips sometime. They sound fun!

    1. admin July 27, 2010 at 7:46 pm

      If I post about going somewhere in the future and it sounds interesting, just let me know. 🙂

  4. ghost_light July 27, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Ponies, Pepperoni, Happiness, and Pot

    I want to play with you and your friends!

    1. admin July 27, 2010 at 9:01 pm

      Re: Ponies, Pepperoni, Happiness, and Pot

      If you find yourself in the area, you’re welcome to join! flew in from Memphis this weekend specifically for blacklight minigolf. 🙂

      1. ghost_light July 28, 2010 at 7:01 pm

        Re: Ponies, Pepperoni, Happiness, and Pot

        I will keep that in mind 🙂

  5. assassinpandora July 27, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    I regret missing this. Love those sharks!

    1. admin July 28, 2010 at 3:49 am

      You should come to the puyallup outing, then! …Whenever it is that we decide to have it.

  6. variax July 27, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    I had to straddle the clam for a few of those shots. I’ve decided that it’s my new favorite euphemism. I just don’t know what it means.

    1. admin July 27, 2010 at 10:24 pm

      The important thing is that it’s now in the general lexicon.

      1. variax July 27, 2010 at 10:25 pm

        I ended up with a ball caught in the starfish a number of times as well.

        1. diamonddustshoe July 27, 2010 at 11:49 pm

          I could not read that with a straight face, despite the fact it sounds somewhat painful…

          1. variax July 27, 2010 at 11:53 pm

            That is what I refer to as “success”.

  7. diamonddustshoe July 27, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    When I saw this post, I saw the icon and title together, which instantly turned into a whole new ring-around-the-rosie dance in my head, which in the course of reading turned into a cheer akin to sis-boom-bah. I now have the need to golf. Lest I imagine a meat carving of the The Pot Sprinkled Pepperoni Pony of Happiness.

    1. admin July 28, 2010 at 3:45 am

      I now actually would like an oil painting of the carving of The Pot Sprinkled Pepperoni Pony of Happiness.

  8. vurumai July 28, 2010 at 2:33 am

    So THAT’s what happened to your hair. I was gonna ask but thought it rude.

    Best. Day. EVER!

    1. admin July 28, 2010 at 3:42 am

      Yeah, it kind of sucked to get them out!

      You could have asked, I’m rarely offended. 🙂

      1. vurumai July 28, 2010 at 3:43 am

        Just because it would nto offend you does not mean it is rude.

        Like surprise buttsex.

        1. admin July 28, 2010 at 3:55 am

          1. vurumai July 28, 2010 at 3:59 am

            Tell me you made that just now.

          2. admin July 28, 2010 at 4:18 am

            I did!

          3. thewanderingbug July 28, 2010 at 5:00 pm

            I think this should definitely qualify for the ‘things you shouldn’t do in the dark’ and ‘things you shouldn’t do on the golf course’ as well…

          4. admin July 28, 2010 at 7:56 pm

            TOTALLY inappropriate for the golf course, the dark, and when you’re already busy ghost-fucking while eating pepperoni and playing with electricity.

  9. thecostumegal July 27, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    Nice Marilyn in a tornado moment!

    1. admin July 27, 2010 at 9:00 pm

      I felt glamorous and ashamed at the same time!

Comments are closed.