Waaaaaaaaaaay back on April 19th, a group of super-awesome people converged on Edmonds to declare their allegiance to motorized sports. I had always been under the impression that it was my lack of endurance that prevented me from excelling at group sports; however, riding around in bumper cars that whiz around at 3-4 mph (faster than it sounds, really, on a court that isn’t huge, particularly since the cars lack brakes), I learned an important lesson: It is my lack of coordination that truly contributes to my overall suckitude. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Here is a description of the game, as ripped directly from the Whirlyball website: “Whirlyball is best described as a combination of Basketball, Hockey and Jai-Alai played while riding an electrically powered machine, similar to a bumpercar, called a WhirlyBug. Although the WhirlyBug resembles a bumpercar, it is a far superior machine. Quicker, stronger and far more maneuverable, the WhirlyBug powers you and your team down court in a five on five game. The objective is for each team to effectively pass the whiffle ball between team members and successfully toss the ball through the hole in the backboard of the opposing team. In one hand the player has a Jai-Alai style plastic scoop and in the other hand a steering crank. The ball being tossed around is a softball sized whiffle ball. At each end of the court there are vertically hung backboards with a 15 inch hole in the center. Behind the hole is a netted swing gate equipped with a buzzer or light to notify the referee when a score is made. “ 
I proved my sports mettle by near immediately dropping my scoop onto the court and, being midget-sized, could not pick it up with my wee-man arms. Then, I ran my whirlybug into a corner and struggled to get out, blocked a member of my own team, and ran over the ball. I became the ‘please don’t pass it to me’ girl. I think I would’ve been more aggressive about trying to play and less self-conscious had I known people out on the court; travelbothroads had injured herself playing football and didn’t want to aggravate the injury, la_roja and evillin sat out, and aelius27 and ravenmimura rotated out as I rotated in. After my humiliating performance, I decided to sit the rest of the games out, but ended up really enjoying watching everyone else. People ended up getting really into the game; you could tell someone was particularly invested when they began pumping their hips when they smacked their car into someone else to give it extra ‘ooomph’. Now that football season is almost over, we’ve decided that a return to Whirlyball is in order this summer, only this time, in post-apocalyptic costumes. We’re calling it WHIRLYBALL: BEYOND THUNDERDOME. Who is in?
When I walk into a blowjob, I’m thinking, “What can I get for a quarter?”
