On Saturday, a group of bold adventurers gathered in Bellevue to risk injury, death, and annoyance in order to jump on a multitude of trampolines, undeterred by tales of girls who had bitten their tongues off and couldn’t speak for a full year.
I had encouraged people to wear ridiculous clothing if at all possible, something fluttery that might swirl around them attractively whilst they jumped; I myself was hoping to find one of the full-length ballet tutus appropriate for La Sylphide, but had no such luck. I decided the next most ridiculous thing I could wear would be a completely sequined jacket and a long purple wig, for maximum sparkling AND movement. This was both an awesome and a terrible choice.
When we got there, Sky High Sports made us sign waivers, which again reminded us of how likely we were to be injured, and we STILL pressed forward. It was then that we noted just how many rules they had, each no-no accompanied by a man on the monitor waggling a finger in the universal ‘naughty, naughty’ gesture. No jumping in socks. No hanging on the yellow pads. No standing on the red pads. No double-jumping. Nothing allowed in pockets. No laying or sitting on the trampolines. Most damning of all, no bad words.
NO BAD WORDS? What did they expect me to do when I shattered a leg, shout “OH GOLLY GOSH DARN HECK!”?
Promising myself that I could swear just as much as I wanted to if and when I injured myself, we proceeded to shove our belongings into a series of lockers before we got down to business.
And get down to business we did. The place was crawling with children with no regard for their safety, running rampant across trampolines where clumsy, elephantine adultsI was trying to jump AND not squash children. It was insanely, ridiculously fun, springing up and down, spinning around in circles. Within minutes, I announced that I’d like to have my wedding on these trampolines. One by one, we attempted bouncing off the trampoline wall and doing some manner of trick. I gamely flung myself off it and tumbled head over heels, promptly losing a shoe. I also lost a shoe in a collision with Rindy after she put on her pirate eyepatch and lost depth perception, and there was a desperate battle to recover it–Rindy is already taller than me, and playing keep-away on a trampoline just isn’t fair. But is awesome.
The safety no-no naughty monitors all eyed our group suspiciously. Apparently, they don’t get many adults out on the trampolines, especially a group of adults like us, who almost universally appeared that we didn’t know our limits. Poor Anne was picked on quite a lot by the safety no-no naughty monitors, first telling her that her shoes were unacceptable for jumping (no laces), then that she couldn’t jump in socks, and then they wanted to check her wristband, and then when Jim took off his sweatshirt and handed it to her, they scolded her for that, saying it was a safety hazard. Yes, of course. The sweatshirt is the safety hazard, not the small children bouncing across six trampolines underfoot. Inanimate monster, endangering us all!
Tristan and I deliberately tried to double-jump when the monitors weren’t watching and couldn’t pull it off, so I swore for good measure. Then Cole attempted to teach me how to bounce up from off of my back and I had a wig incident.
In addition to the trampoline floors and walls area, there was a separate area with two trampolines where you could fling yourself off into a pit of foam. While I was waiting in line, a tiny child in a tutu approached me (after my crusty withered heart, that one), tugged on my hand and sweetly asked if my hair was really purple. She would have only needed to watch me jump to find out the truth. Boolia hopped right up to the edge, stared into the foam abyss, and said “OH FUCK THIS” and backed away. I was a little more foolish and went for it, attempting a spectacular cannonball leap into the foam. As it turns out, the cannonball is ideal for maximum foam penetration, and I sunk to what felt like the bottom, losing my glasses while my wig turned around on my head. As I attempted to claw my way to the surface, I wondered what it would be like to die in a pit of foam, and additionally wondered if perhaps they had one of those claw arms used in attempts to win stuffed animals to retrieve my corpse. Eventually, I pulled myself out, in front of a crowd of people who were no doubt dying with laughter and mocking comments on the inside while I straightened my wig and brushed off my dignity. Rindy later described my moments in the foam as ‘looking into the eye of a purple whirlpool’. Other people performed the foam leap many times; I decided I was lucky to survive it once.
Jumping on the trampolines was actually much more work than anticipated. Yes, fine. I am not in great shape. Or even good shape. I can walk for a lot of miles and be fine. I can do high-impact aerobics for a good long time and be tired, but not exhausted. Jumping on a trampoline for an hour? I could not do. Nor could anyone else. Little by little, we crept over to the side to wipe our brows and rest, then go back out and jump again, each jump period getting shorter. Toward the end, body heat hiked even higher due to the wig and the jacket, I stood up too quickly and the world went black for a moment. Not enough to ruin my fun, but enough to make me reconsider hot costume elements next time.
Upcoming event ideas:
Rockaroke (karaoke with a live band! Of course we would have to dress like our favorite glam rockstar.) Whirlyball: Beyond Thunderdome Indoor Go-Kart racing Blacklight Mini Golf
GodDAMN that sounds fun.
…how the hell did you find your glasses in the purple foam whirlpool?
Luckily enough, they had become entangled in the wig. Otherwise I would have been in BIG trouble.
Glad the impracticality of both garments was able to cancel itself out. 😛
Sometimes, that’s the most anyone can hope for. 😀
And now…GIRLS JUMPING ON TRAMPOLINES!
I miss the Man Show 🙁
Ugh, I could happily go the rest of my life without ever seeing or hearing Adam Carolla again.
…yes, because Adam Corolla was the reason why we watched the show 🙂
I am equally disappointed and relieved that I couldn’t make it. LOL
It was SO good. Like being five again, only big enough to enjoy it!
I WANT TO GO TO THERE
Next time, tintos then trampolines!
Oh snap. Now I want to go.
I’ll make sure to invite you the next time we go!
I’m sure I had an invite last time, but I think the timing was just hard on me.
I AM FULL OF SUCK
GOD FORBID YOU HAVE OTHER PLANS WHEN I WANT TO DO SOMETHING, MARDI.
GAWD.
I know right?
I expect you to coordinate your schedule with me next time.
Oh dang! lol.. anyways I haz icon love! Next time, next time, I’ll join in the flowy exhausting fun.
You said something about later in the afternoon working better for you–is this always the case? I’ll keep it in mind for next time.
Not always the case I need to get my *ss up earlier in the day.. just lately I’ve been on a later cycle. If I hadn’t needed to travel I would have made a point of making it happen.
Wait… no socks? Good thing I was sick, because that would have completely ruined my costume idea.
But you can jump in shoes? What the hell are those people thinking?
Let me know when OMG.T!T!x2 happens and I will SO be there. Unless I get sick again.
I think because socks are presumed to be more slippery. You can do barefoot or in shoes–given how many bare feet had been on those trampolines, I elected for shoes.
I’ll send out another facebook invite for OMG T!T!x2: THE REVENGE–I’m thinking it will probably end up being in May or June because the next three months’ worth of weekends are filling up shockingly quickly.
Oh no! Don’t slip in your socks and hurt yourself in the padded room!!!
My everyday shoes are actually great for trampolining–no laces, flexible, and match my outfit idea.
May or June seems far off, but now that I’m an old geezer, 4 or 5 months off is nothing. I’ll be done with work and embroiled in the carefree life of school by then. Although I might find a way to get in there before then, maybe as a “no more work” celebration thing.
hahahaha I think they are just trying to prevent any lawsuits that can’t be stopped by the waiver.
Yeah, May or June DOES seem far off, but I’ve got two weekend trips, two weddings, a couple dinner parties, a buttload of birthday parties and my very own birthday party and I’m sure the time will FLY.
I think they just need to put a clause in the waiver that by signing the form, you agree not to sue them.
FANTASTIC! i miss my blue wig (in icon with this comment) and i ended up getting another wig to compensate for the loss (black with pink streaks), but it hasn’t been the same. 🙁
It’s probably telling that I have favorite WIGS of all things. XD
that is amazing. the purple wig? love it! (my friend’s vintage shop has a whole mess of wigs. when i get the funds, i want to buy a few more. and wear proudly.)
also, that field trip? loads of fun. i want to go to a place where i can bounce around on trampolines and go into ball pits. (also, tee hee. no bad words. golly.)
Whereabouts are you located? They have a few different locations, though I think they’re all on the west coast.
in the great city of lansing, michigan. of course.
(i know we have a sports complex on the southwest side of town, but i doubt they have ball pits or trampolines. boo.)
I think this would be fun in value village prom dresses. (for the boys too!). Also, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it- it was my son’s birthday.
Oh, that would be so much fun!
Little girls love purple hair. When I visited a friend when mine was purple, his six-year-old was infatuated with me because of it.
And YOURS was real. Mine was just disappointing to that particular little girl.
That foam story cracked me up. I’ve wanted to jump into foam since I saw some gymnastics training thing. Don’t quicksand rules apply? Maybe not. Of course, one probably wouldn’t cannonball into quicksand. Well, I wouldn’t…
Well, quicksand I wouldn’t cannonball into, either.
Oh, sure, you say that now…
It’s probably a sad testament to my character when you think it’s something I actually would do…
Hey, if I knew Indiana Jones, I’d say the same thing…
” ‘Careful guy’? Right, right… Tell me again about the time you chopped the bridge down while you and your friends were on it…”
I’m KIDDING … I just took it one comment too far…
Every time you mention “Double Jumping” I think of pushing A while I’m already in the air. Possibly culminating with a buttstomp.
I think about intentionally sending Yoshi down into a death pit while using his back as leverage for my successful leap.
I now have SEVERE TRAMPOLINE ENVY.
Thanks a lot. ;P
I’ll have to hunt around to see if there’s a place like that around here. I doubt it, but one can hope…
Well FINE. I guess I should just stop having fun and posting about it on the internet, then. 🙁
Well FINE. I guess I should just stop having fun and posting about it on the internet, then. 🙁
Apparently, I need to use that new “sarcasm mark” or whatever it is. Sorry. :-/
If you stop having fun, how am I supposed to have fun vicariously through you, hmm? 😉
hahaha no, I was kidding, too. That’s the problem with writing on the internet, it can be interpreted so many different ways. 🙂
Oh, phooey!
*shakes his fist at the Internet*
Three things:
1. Is Jim about to barf there?
2. Note the sullen, eff-off stalker vibe from the monitor behind me… he just wouldn’t stop, I TELL YOU.
3. No bad words? Now I know why they were on me all hour.