i, Dirty Robot

With the veritable apocalypse of weather we were having the other day (snow plus thunder and lighting…it was like a Lewis Black bit outside!), I felt I would be remiss if I did play Sneak King at least once (available at your finer Burger Kings nationwide) which may be one of the funniest-in-an-awful-way games of all time. The premise? You are playing as the King (who is already vaguely creepy to begin with) and you sneak around surprising people with Burger King food. There are various places the King can hide his royal behind in and subsequently leap out, presenting coffee, sandwiches, and sides with various flourishes. However, whenever the King hides in a location where you as the player can still see him (inside a box, inside a garbage can, under a truck), it seems that a more accurate title for the game would be ‘Serial Rapist King’ or ‘Molest King’ or ‘Pervert Neighbor King’. While you are playing the game, it seems thoroughly plausible that the King will leap out, and instead of presenting hot food to a hungry NPC, he will, in the terminology of one Trudy Weigel, “toss aside his whipped ices and rape the shit out of them”. ‘Fuck King’?

27 Comments i, Dirty Robot

  1. yimmy149 November 30, 2006 at 6:36 pm

    My Ford Contour started stalling/revving plus making a honking noise on cold mornings – online it was referred to as moosing! 🙂

    Anyway, in my case it was the IAC (idle air controller) valve, which is controlled by the engine computer to make the engine idle smoothly. The part was only $60, and took about an hour to replace. Might be worth looking into on your car.

    1. admin November 30, 2006 at 7:17 pm

      You’ve given me hope that it won’t be something awful like a transmission or complete engine replacement; thank you! 🙂 I’ll jump for joy if it’s only $60 to fix. I never seem to get the cheap ones; the last few car repairs have been $980 for a steering rack, $450 for an oxygen sensor and $500 for a radiator, respectively. You can see why my fingers are crossed, I think! 😉

      The term ‘moosing’ is rather cute. I bet it didn’t seem so cute at the time though.

      1. cagexxx November 30, 2006 at 7:36 pm

        $450 for an oxygen sensor???

        But yeah, that problem is usually something cheap like that. In my case, however, it seems to have been a forerunner for a $475 repair of many things at once, but I’m actually happy at the way it turned out.

        1. admin November 30, 2006 at 8:03 pm

          Yeah, with parts and labor. The thing that gets me about that one was that the sensor likely wasn’t even bad as the computer kicked out the same error multiple times even after the sensor was replaced.

          I’m just hoping that the repairs don’t come to over a thousand dollars. The car is still new enough that it’s not worth scrapping over that size repair bill, but at the same time, if I’m going to be sinking 1000 into it, I might as well buy a new (reliable) car.

          1. fete_pindon November 30, 2006 at 8:12 pm

            i never spend more than £1000 on a car.

            when it breaks, it gets scrapped and a new one is issued forth.

            fuck repairs up the arse.

          2. admin November 30, 2006 at 8:29 pm

            Car payments suck just as much, though–and newness isn’t necessarily an indicator of reliability. I remember vividly a brand new Ford Taurus my parents bought that was in the shop at least once a month for repairs.

          3. fete_pindon November 30, 2006 at 8:44 pm

            i now have my cars given to me, serviced, insured, taxed and fuelled by my employer.

            HAHAHAHAHA!

            sorry.

          4. admin December 1, 2006 at 12:29 am

            Bastard covered bastard with a bastard cream filling!

          5. fete_pindon December 1, 2006 at 8:07 am

            icon relevance: 10/10

            post content: 10/10

            full marks, v. good, gold star. see me after school for your prize.

  2. stationary_jew November 30, 2006 at 6:52 pm

    The game you describe sounds like something I’d have no choice but to buy Benma for Christmas.

    1. admin November 30, 2006 at 7:11 pm

      Only $4 with the purchase of a meal, for xbox and xbox360. I found it at least as entertaining as some games I’ve spent $50 on, but then again, I loveloveLOVE kitsch.

      1. stationary_jew November 30, 2006 at 7:26 pm

        You misunderstand – not the game as it is, but the game as Terry Weigel expects it to be, is the game for Benma.

        1. demonlet November 30, 2006 at 7:33 pm

          I must have this game for my own, just to prove to future generations it exists.

          FIELD TRIP TO THE BK LOUNGE.

          1. admin November 30, 2006 at 7:50 pm

            Kudos on appropriate icon usage! Just when I think I’ve got an icon for everything, I realize I don’t have one for masked rapists. 🙁

            I think I will walk over to the BK by work and pick up a copy for myself today, for much the same reason.

        2. admin November 30, 2006 at 7:58 pm

          If they only released the game for PC…the mod community would be all over that in SECONDS. Alas… 🙁

  3. dslartoo November 30, 2006 at 10:07 pm

    a) the King is not just VAGUELY creepy, but HUGELY creepy. I can’t stand those commercials, they make me twitch violently.

    b) it’s Teri Weigel, not Terry Weigel. Not that I’d, er, know or anything.

    cheers,
    Phil

    1. admin November 30, 2006 at 10:45 pm

      If I could figure out exactly what makes the King so creepy, I’d know what to wear to my next meeting so as to make everyone so uncomfortable that it wouldn’t last for more than 10 minutes, TOPS.

      We’re BOTH wrong; it’s Trudy. I blame it on the fact that Terry (the guy on the rollerskates) is my favorite character. “I heard a rumor: Mexican werewolves are coming up from Mexico to sell crack.”

      1. dslartoo December 1, 2006 at 12:14 pm

        Holy shit, did I think that quote was said by the wrong person, then. 🙂

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teri_Weigel

        Given her background, it seemed like the sort of thing she would say, you know?

        cheers,
        Phil

        1. admin December 1, 2006 at 10:12 pm

          I KNEW there was a reason that name sounded right to me! You nailed it. 😀 And you’re right, it would sound just right coming out of her mouth, too.

          She’s in one of my favorites; Cap’n Mongo’s Porno Playhouse. Err. Not that I would know anything about that.

      2. pandemoniachick December 1, 2006 at 5:48 pm

        The source of that “holy shit is that guy a rapist?” feeling you get when you look at the King actually comes not from his clothing; it comes from his creepy, “I love molesting everyone” grin. This is called a ‘pedo-smile’ in some circles. Look upon the King’s face and tell me with 100% certainty that he would not go troll playgrounds looking for sweet, sweet young boy ass.

        All you need to be creepy is to learn how to pedosmile. No one will be able to stand in your presence and look at you directly. The downside is that they’ll probably call the cops and say you have kiddie porn on your computer, so if you do, now’s the time to get rid of it.

        1. admin December 1, 2006 at 10:16 pm

          I hereby resolve to spend an hour a day practicing the pedosmile in the mirror. Luckily all the porn on my computer involves fully consenting adults. I mean, porn? What’s that?

          We’ve got a full day of meetings coming up the week after next–if I’ve got the pedosmile perfected by then, hopefully we can cut it down to no more than an hour.

  4. fraxl November 30, 2006 at 11:41 pm

    omg i lolled

    1. admin December 1, 2006 at 12:29 am

      The King’s serial molestation is no laughing matter, young lady!

      BTW, we need to Vogue or Merc or SOMETHING soon. I demand it.

  5. apestyle November 30, 2006 at 11:19 pm

    In other news, check out the awesome icon. Of awesomeness.

    1. admin December 1, 2006 at 12:27 am

      That IS awesomeness. Is it yours? May I use it?

      1. apestyle December 1, 2006 at 12:32 am

        My LJ-lawyer has advised me that all LJ icons are “fair use”, and that it is my moral imperative to spread “Teh Awesome” as far and as wide as I can.

        Hence, please use this icon. It will likely be my, “OMG -splitting headache” icon.

  6. Anonymous January 15, 2007 at 7:07 am

    Yo

    I added you on MySpace too…. rockon.

    HB

Comments are closed.