I Fail At Being A Girl

I’ve been making a little more effort with things like hair and makeup lately–and when I say effort, I actually mean effort. It’s something I have to work at, because really, while I like feeling like I look nice, I mostly don’t give enough of a crap to try. An extra 15 minutes of sleep in the morning or blowdried hair? Sleep generally wins. Another extra 15 minutes or makeup? SLEEP.

Well, I’ve learned two important makeup lessons over the past two days that I’d like to share with you.

FIRST. If you are using, say, a lip balm mostly composed of cocoa butters and the like, it’s not a good idea to keep it in your pocket, as when you go to open it up, it will have melted and warm, oily, smelly butters will explode out all over one’s desk, pants, and office chair, making it look as if one had a horrible, unspeakable accident.

SECOND. Nothing makes you look more awake with a minimal amount of effort in the morning than a little blush. I prefer a liquid blush because it goes on very sheer. However, an important thing to remember is to make sure it is closed before you go to pick it up, as it will spill all over everything, staining one’s desk, pants, and office carpet a horrifying shade of red.


Makeup? $30. Time spent applying it? Negotiable. Destroying several pieces of furniture and an outfit in only a few seconds? Priceless.

11 Comments I Fail At Being A Girl

  1. shadowstitch November 7, 2006 at 10:24 pm

    Y’know…. looking at your icon… Now that I think about it, that was pretty gendercentric. If the technicality of the statement was that no MAN could kill the Withc King…well, she’s not a MALE but she is of the HU-MAN persuasion. If it’s a MALE thing, then could any female have killed the witch king? Or if it’s a HUMAN thing, any dwarf or elf or kobold could have just whopped him in the face?

    1. fete_pindon November 7, 2006 at 10:48 pm

      an interesting notion. and one which begs the further question; would some lip balm or blush liberally applied have skewed the gender blur sufficiently to satisfy the aforementioned technicalities?

      or does it just boil down to a simple presence or lack of yer actual tits?

      1. admin November 7, 2006 at 11:25 pm

        What about transexuals? Would being a sweet transvestite from transexual transylvania be enough?

        I am willing to perform this research for a dancing midget nun and some skittles. A picture of OHS in a crocheted frame would also be a nice bonus.

        1. fete_pindon November 8, 2006 at 8:58 am

          a good point well made. i think the sweet transvestite from transexual transylvania rule only applies if you can carry the outfit off as well as tim curry.

          i still say it boils down to man/woman no tits/tits. although if transexuals are being thrown in, then i think we need to subcategorise said same into:

          pre-op with cock
          post-op without cock
          post-op ladyboy

          i’ll happily supply the dancing midget nun and the skittles. NOW GET TO WORK IN YOUR ROBOT LABORATORY!

    2. dslartoo November 7, 2006 at 11:09 pm

      The film actually glosses over a detail of the books: Merry’s sword is an enchanted blade of Westernesse, which (when he stabs the Witch-King from behind) unravels some of the protections laid over the Witch-King, enough for him to become vulnerable to Eowyn’s own attack. So: he died partly at the hands of a woman, and partly at the hands of a hobbit.

      Yes, I am a Lord of the Rings geek.


      1. admin November 7, 2006 at 11:26 pm

        NERD!! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.) 😀

        1. dslartoo November 8, 2006 at 3:49 am

          /me does the “White and Nerdy” dance with pride.


  2. dslartoo November 7, 2006 at 11:06 pm

    I Fail At Being A Girl

    I’ve seen you in person. I’m pretty sure you don’t. 🙂


    1. admin November 7, 2006 at 11:27 pm

      awwww! <3 <3

      You should’ve introduced yourself. Next time!

  3. hallucinas November 8, 2006 at 1:37 am

    i’m lucky i suppose in that my cheeks are always pretty rosy. However, this luck becomes debatable when, after half a drink of anything containing alcohol, i look like a tube of blush spilt all over MY FACE.

    usually i put on some mascara and lip balm and call it a day.

  4. goosezilla November 8, 2006 at 5:15 am

    Melissa is always adorable! 100%!

Comments are closed.