I attract the mentally disturbed and suburban kids.

Last night I was at Pegasus, singing and having a good time. This guy in a wheelchair rolls up behind me and starts telling me about his idea for a nationwide karaoke competition, basically seeing which bar has the best singers. He wants to turn it into a reality show. What a crock of shit.

But I smile and nod, and smile and nod, and all of a sudden he starts saying all of these suggestive, horrifying things. (And realize, I was too horrified to say anything, I was trapped in my bar stool by his wheelchair, and he would NOT SHUT UP, so these are excerpts from a much longer, much more humiliating diatribe.) Stuff like:

“You got a big ‘ol ass, and I like that shit, more cushion to push back what I’m packin’, and I’ve got a 9-incher, baby.” (Gee, thanks!)

“I don’t even know you and I feel a connection with you. This could be the love of a lifetime, boo, a love connection like Chuck Woolery and shit.” (Like Chuck Woolery….and shit. Yeah, that’s about how I’d describe it.)

“I just want to tie you up, squirt whipped cream in your pussy and lick it out.” (eww, I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth while typing that.)

“I’m 35, boo, I’m too old for games, I got three kids, one 15, one 16, and one 17, ain’t no man gonna treat you like I’d treat you, you ain’t gonna have a good time with no one else like you would with me.” (WTF? WTF? WTF?)

He got pissed off when I wouldn’t give him my phone number, and demanded I write his down. Just then Scott showed up and saved me. Looks like I can’t go to the bar anymore without backup, ffs.

Oh, and whoops, I accidentally lost his number on the way home. Darn!

Seriously, though, WHAT THE FUCK? Where do these people COME FROM? And why do they ALWAYS FIND ME?

10 Comments I attract the mentally disturbed and suburban kids.

  1. ebomike November 23, 2005 at 11:00 pm

    Mel, you don’t need me to give you a link to your own website with the Whipping Stick write-up, do you?

    1. admin November 23, 2005 at 11:05 pm

      Ok, so I have a Freak Magnet in me somewhere. What is it about ME that attracts these people? WHY WHY WHY? It’s not FAIR.

  2. smacksaw November 23, 2005 at 11:11 pm

    Not only was Dark Angel the stupidest fucking show ever, but it made all of these dorks who know nothing about Black culture want to say “boo”

    I would have told him “It’s not Halloween, so quit scaring me.”

    He could take that either way.


    1. techsavvy November 23, 2005 at 11:20 pm

      But maybe it WAS a black guy.. There is a black guy in a wheelchair that frequents the Pegasus on karaoke nights…

      Mel, is that the dude? Or someone else?

      1. admin November 23, 2005 at 11:22 pm

        It’s that dude.

    2. admin November 23, 2005 at 11:21 pm

      It was a black guy.

      1. smacksaw November 24, 2005 at 1:45 am

        Then tell him that I am offended and that he’s embarassing our people by using “boo”.

        Tell him I said he was a “Jive Turkey”

        1. admin November 24, 2005 at 5:03 am

          um….am I missing something?

  3. designess November 23, 2005 at 11:15 pm

    I think this would have been a pretty great reason to kick someone in a wheel chair. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to disable the disabled?

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