Running late again? Smoov M tell you that if you miss a shift again, he gonna have to raise his pimp hand? Introducing Eye Envy–for the hooker on the go!

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“Before Eye Envy, I was doin’ my makeups and beautifyin and shit like 4 hours out of every day. With its patented Press ‘n Go technology, I’ve doubled my income and made me AND my pimp real happy. Now he don’t hit me no more, so I don’t have to spend so much damn money on concealer and sunglasses. Thank you, Eye Envy! Hey, y’all got any gum? My mouth done taste like something come up and died in there.” -Mercedes, 17

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STILL not convinced?

“Meow!” -Fluffy, 8 weeks

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28 Comments Ho’n’Go

  1. kindofstrange July 29, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    Nipples the Cat totally needs those.

    I wonder if they have straight leopard print, rather than that sort of camo-ish print.

    1. admin July 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm

      I see you were convinced by Fluffy’s testimony!

      They sell them at Sephora, FYI.

  2. leighhyphenanne July 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I love you.

    1. admin July 29, 2008 at 8:49 pm

      I love YOU.

      Tell me more about your trip to Spokelahoma next weekend. Is it a family thing? I wouldn’t want to intrude on family stuff. 🙂

      1. leighhyphenanne July 29, 2008 at 9:16 pm

        I’m not sure about many details, just that I’m going to meet my new neice. I’m not sure if taylor is coming with, but I’m probably driving again. Mark my words, though. I’m NEVER staying at the ridpath again.

        1. admin July 29, 2008 at 10:01 pm

          If we can detour to the robot hut, I’m in.

          1. starladear13 July 29, 2008 at 10:46 pm

            you should check out the steam plant building downtown, they have a micro brew in the downstairs the sampler with 10 samples is like 10 bucks or so…delish.

          2. admin July 29, 2008 at 11:01 pm

            Mmmmmmmm brewery tour.

            Did you do anything else that was fun in spokelahoma? I’ve only ever passed through.

          3. starladear13 July 30, 2008 at 2:57 am

            not really,, we walked along the river, which is pretty, but most of our time was spent doing wedding things. It wasn’t really a tour, just a bunch of beers on tap.

  3. loosechanj July 29, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    John after John after John (EVEN though you tell him specifically not to) spooges in your good eye.

    If bitches would just swallow, they could avoid this problem.

    1. admin July 29, 2008 at 9:52 pm

      Sadly, we don’t live in that perfect world. 🙁

      1. loosechanj July 29, 2008 at 10:28 pm

        And bitches wonder why they still get slapped.

        1. admin July 29, 2008 at 10:30 pm

          What are you, Onan?

          1. loosechanj July 29, 2008 at 10:54 pm

            IIRmybibleC, wasn’t he the guy who pulled out to avoid getting his sister in law pregnant? She was perfectly willing to take the load.

          2. admin July 29, 2008 at 11:01 pm

            I thought he was the one who was anti-masturbation because it was ‘spilling his seed upon the ground’.

          3. loosechanj July 29, 2008 at 11:18 pm

            No no. They had this deal where if a guy died with no heirs, his widow could bang his brother and get one that way. Don’t ask me. He didn’t wanna go through with it, so he pulled out to stop getting her pregnant. So he got cursed or something.

          4. admin July 29, 2008 at 11:22 pm

            Oh, well in that case, carry on with the slapping.

          5. loosechanj July 29, 2008 at 11:31 pm

            It’s funny how a guy pulling out of a vagina gets tagged with the “anti-masturbation” label, yet no one ever EVER brings up the bit where Jesus says if you just think about doing a chick it’s like adultery. Even when there’s something logical to cite, they pick something retarded.

          6. admin July 29, 2008 at 11:51 pm

            If thinking about it counts as doing it, I’m such a whore.

          7. loosechanj July 30, 2008 at 6:00 am

            Matthew 5:27″You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.'[e] 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

            You’re goin’ to hell baby, see ya there. 😀 Ok, so it doesn’t actually have to involve spankin’ the money, but it pretty clearly condemns fantasizing. Which is weird, because usually Jesus wasn’t quite that tightassed, you have to go to Paul for this level of sphincter pressure.

          8. admin July 30, 2008 at 5:14 pm

            Maybe he was having issues with a disciple or two looking on him with a fond eye and the whole “whatsoever you do unto the lowest of my brothers, that you do unto me” wasn’t exactly discouraging the fornication fantasies, so he had to kick it up a notch.

  4. watchout5 July 29, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    So is Fluffy available?

    1. admin July 29, 2008 at 7:05 pm

      Emotionally? Probably not.

      1. watchout5 July 29, 2008 at 7:14 pm

        Why is it so easy to fall into her eyes then?

        1. admin July 29, 2008 at 7:25 pm

          It’s the camoflauge. You don’t see her eyes until it’s too late.

  5. poetrix618 July 31, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    I see they don’t make the tiger style in orange and black. It would be sold out in Cincinnati.

    I know a white-trashy Bengals fan in Olympia who would eat that shit up.

    1. admin July 31, 2008 at 10:48 pm

      That’s because everyone knows that WHITE tigers are the only kind high-class hookers want to emulate.

Comments are closed.