Nom or Vom: This Ice Cream Stinks

July 10, 2015 4 Comments read Nom or Vom

Why? Why would you commit this crime against ice cream? What has ice cream ever done to you, Pink’s?

Here is an actual list of tasting notes from people who have tried Pink’s Durian:

“Like a gas leak. Seriously, should we be doing this in here?”

“Burnt onion compost”

“Like onions mixed with raw sewage.”

“There’s a sweet, wet-peat undertone to it.”

“Oh no. It’s getting stronger as it warms up.”

“If my four-year-old were here right now, he’d be asking who farted.”

DOES THAT SOUND LIKE ICE CREAM SUCCESS TO YOU, PINK’S!??! …ahem.

Pros: For the first time in the history of ice cream no one will try to dig a spoon into your pint, it’s…uh…local?, you can brag about not being a (durian) virgin if that’s the sort of thing you like to brag about, probably easy to stop eating, there usually isn’t a huge smell component to cold food so it’s got a little extra sensory zazz

Cons: The slimy durian texture will make it glide down your throat like a wretched slug and then maybe back out again, durian is the fruit that checks your ticket at the door of Fruit Prom, the fruit voted both “smells most like barf” and “most likely to make you barf” in the yearbook, this ice cream may be durian’s revenge

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Stay Awhile and Listen: A Trip to Diablo Lake

July 8, 2015 Comments Off read (f)Art, Everything is Terrible, Pacific, The Great Outdoors, Travel, USA, Washington, West

I think we’re all familiar with the fact that Pinterest is full of subtle deceptions and outright lies. Occasionally, I forget, and earnestly believe something that I should be looking at with a more critical eye. Like, for example, this photo of Diablo Lake that I immediately re-pinned on my list of places to visit:

That’s a barrel of lies, right? But no, a little searching and the state confirmed Diablo’s unique color:

“Fine glacier sediment feeds into the lake through creeks, giving the water its brilliant turquoise luminosity.

The Diablo Dam, named from a Chinook word influenced by early Spanish explorers meaning “devil,” was once the world’s tallest dam, standing 389 feet tall. Today, the uniquely colored waters of the lake are home to brown and rainbow trout. The surrounding glaciers grind rocks into a fine powder that stays suspended in the lake reflecting an intense turquoise color.”

Intense turquoise color? I’m in, let’s go take a trip to this magical lake!

….oh.

While there might be a slight turquoise cast when the sun is hitting the lake directly, it mostly just looks like a lake. Until you photoshop the shit out of it, that is.

Oh wow, so breathtaking! But why stop there? Come see the amazing ever-changing multi-colored waters of Diablo Lake, the greatest all-natural wonder in the world!

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An Immature Road Trip Game For Twelve Year Olds At Heart

July 6, 2015 Comments Off read Travel

When you’re out on the road and in one of those stretches where all the scenery looks the same, it’s important to have a game to play to keep you from getting tired or loopy. The premise of this one is simple, stupid, and hard to stop playing: Every RV, motorhome, hitch trailer you see, take the name and add “anal” to the front of it, and prepare to giggle like a twelve year old.

It doesn’t always work, but more often than not, the new name will be hilarious. On my trip last weekend, there were RVs nonstop in both directions, and the jackal-like laughter in the car kept me perkier and cheerier than caffeine could have done on its own. I have seen so many great combinations, the photos I posted are just a taste. Some of them are so on the nose, it’s almost like the people in charge of naming motor homes are in on the joke. Give it a try on your next trip!