After House on the Rock, Nicki and I went to New Glarus, tiny Wisconsin Swiss town, home of the Glarner Stube and a supposedly awesome brewery that was closed by the time we got there, in line with my family’s tradition of being a day late and a dollar short for everything, particularly themed towns. I’d originally intended on visiting Dr. Evermore’s Forevertron on the same day as The House on the Rock, but Roadside America lied to me when it indicated that Baraboo was anywhere near Spring Green, which I should’ve cottoned onto when they said that after visiting the Forevertron, it was only a short jaunt to Wisconsin Dells for their torture exhibit. Wisconsin Dells!? That’s FAR away from Spring Green! However, Nicki told me there was something I needed to see in New Glarus, and that I would be suitably impressed.
After some delicious Swiss cheese fondue with wine, garlic, and kirsch, I decided that I should probably order the Schublig, which was billed as a mild spiced beef sausage made by Ruef’s Meat Market, and sure to please a true sausage lover. Who could possibly love sausage in their face hole more than me? I was NOT prepared for the scale of the Glarner Stube’s sausage, however. Laid out onto a plate and brought into the light, it looked almost obscene. The green beans seem like almost an afterthought compared to the sheer amount of sausage majesty* set in front of me. 
I couldn’t even make a sizeable dent in the sausage–it was no meal, it was a task! A challenge! A trial! The waitress seemed appalled that I asked for a box after about two bites, but I wasn’t there to impress her, I was there for something else. Are you ready to find out what that something else was? That something else happened to be none other than the midwest’s largest urinal. 
I was a little disappointed that the Glarner Stube doesn’t really promote that they have the midwest’s largest urinal, nor is it in a sizeable room with tasteful lighting. Rather, it’s crammed into a one-man bathroom, where you can hardly appreciate its massive scale. That still didn’t stop me from opening the men’s room door to snap a photo, giggling so hard at the absurdity that I could hardly hold the camera up, whilst the people at the bar had a good laugh at the girl busting up while taking a picture of a urinal with no fewer than four pink cakes inside. …I suppose when you’ve got a big sausage, you need a big urinal. Yes/no? *’Sausage Majesty’ would be an awesome band name.
hmm, I’m trying to think of my own trip to Wisconsin Dells/Spring Green…I thought perhaps I did Dr. Evermor’s and the House on the Rock on the same day, but I guess I didn’t…I don’t think it’s that far of a drive between the two though!…maybe an hour?…
I think what happened is we had breakfast in Wisconsin Dells, then we went to Dr. Evermor’s, then back to the Dells for lunch and the deer park, and then we headed off to Spring Green…I think somewhere in there we stopped in a few stores around Baraboo…then the next day was dedicated to House on the Rock, which worked out well because it turned out to be a rainy day…
I’m sorry that you missed out on the Forevertron!
Eh, I’m sure I’ll see it sometime. 🙂
when I was there, there was this guy that was doing film footage for some documentary he was working on about Dr. Evermor, but I don’t think the film is done as far as I know…
Dr. Evermor certainly seems like an interesting character. I’ll probably end up picking up this book sometime, but I couldn’t justify paying full price for it at the House on the Rock.
ooh, thanks for the heads up on that book…I hadn’t heard of that one…
You love sucking on a big sausage, eh? HAWHAWHAW
….seriously, “Sausage Majesty” would indeed be an awesome band name.
cheers,
Phil
I was waiting and waiting and waiting for that joke! I mean, how much do I really have to lead people before they’ll step up and insult my virtue? 😀
Perhaps they think that because you are Queen of the Dildarians, it should just be assumed?
cheers,
Phil
That…is an excellent point, sir.
you went to the Mutiny in Chicago??!!
…the Mutiny? No, I didn’t spend any time at all in Chicago this trip, other than at the airport.
the the Midwest has TWO SPECTACULARLY LARGE URINALS!!!!!!!!
butbutbut…which one is larger?
butt, butt, butt….
dunno, but i saw the one here and it was freaking huge.
They call it ‘the world’s most fabulous’ but it looks downright disgusting. My vote is for the glarner stube’s urinal.
oh, it was gross for sure.
You’d think they’d clean it once in a while.
it’s a dark and dirty punk bar, i expect nothing! they have $4 half pitchers, too!
For dark and dirty punk bars in Chicago, I prefer Exit. 🙂
I have the BEST picture of you gnawing on that sausage, my apologies for not posting it already. It will be posted tonight and you had better display it proudly.
yeaaaaaaaah, we’ll see about that. I wouldn’t want to do anything that could negatively impact my political career.
It’s hard to tell without any scale reference, but that doesn’t look particularly bigger than any number of urinals we had in college.
Hmm. I am 5’2″ and it is about my height.
I’ll have to check the next time I go to the gym, but that sounds about usual for the floor-length models.