Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? Let’s hurl a Brick-E-Mart! The Kwik-E-Mart is real…D’oh!

What better way to spend 7/11 than AT a 7/11 that has been transformed into a Kwik-E-Mart?



I’m not too proud to admit that marketing works on me. If I watch an infomercial long enough, I will likely want to buy the product, even if it’s for something I could never, ever find a use for. Yes! I need a tomato massager! My tomatoes are, at this moment, going unmassaged! And sitting in a grocery store a few miles away because I don’t even buy tomatoes! THE HORROR! Only 2 low payments of $19.95!

Armed with that knowledge about myself, how could I resist what has got to be one of the greatest marketing ploys of all time?


First, I went to the Simpsons Movie website and worked out what I’ll look like when I get my big comedy break and am drawn in on the show as ‘Chesty LaRue’. Note the kicky eyewear!

Then I picked up v1c1ous, whom I haven’t seen in approximately a year’s time (!!), and we headed across the water to become the people that P.T. Barnum was talking about. My minute was 5:04am on April 21st in 1982–however, the ‘sucker’ thing has lasted for an entire lifetime.








We settled on orange cream squishees. Sean tried the Woohoo! Blue Vanilla, and wasn’t impressed, and frankly, I just didn’t want blue teeth. Are orange teeth acceptable? When compared to blue, I’m going to go ahead and say YES.

We loitered outside the Kwik-E-Mart for a few hours, playing the part of Springfield no-goodniks. Ne’er do wells. Crumbums.


Oddly enough, before yesterday, I had never loitered anywhere before. However, standing out in the warm summer air with an ice cold squishee just felt…right, somehow.

We ended up hanging out so long that we struck up a conversation with the security guard, and learned that (a) his name was Peter, (b) he’s attending the Art Institute for Industrial Design, and (c) security guards have many, many interesting stories to tell. He was a very cool guy, and was not only ok with our loitering, but actually encouraged us to come back today and chat longer. He also once made a to-scale 1/4 size model of Bender. Conclusion: Peter is awesome.


The purple things in the upper-left corner of the picture is a part of the Experience Music Project.


We ended up staying so long that it was pitch black by the time we left, carting home six-packs of Buzz cola and Radioactive Man comic books.

Stay tuned for my next post: The Bachelorette Party!

21 Comments Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? Let’s hurl a Brick-E-Mart! The Kwik-E-Mart is real…D’oh!

  1. keebler138 July 12, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    Bad ass! I heard a while back that they were gonna be doing that. I haven’t noticed any transformed 7-11s around here, though.

    Why don’t they do anything like that around here? It’s Miami! If this place is good enough for Will Smith, it’s good enough for anyone!!1!

    1. admin July 12, 2007 at 6:15 pm

      Bienvenidos a Miami!

      They only did twelve stores–11 in the US and 1 in Canada.

      Burbank, CA
      Chicago, IL
      Dallas, TX
      Denver, CO
      Lake Buena Vista, FL/Orlando, FL
      Las Vegas, NV/Henderson, NV
      Los Angeles, CA
      New York City, NY
      San Francisco, CA/Mountain View, CA
      Seattle, WA
      Vancouver, BC/Coquitlam, BC
      Washington, DC/Bladensburg, MD

      Looks like you could visit one if you were willing to drive to Orlando to do it…but damn, that’s a long drive to visit a convenience store.

      P.S. I hate Will Smith. His earnest puppy-dog face and clean language makes me ill. Truly ill.

      1. cheeserock July 12, 2007 at 6:38 pm

        Re: Bienvenidos a Miami!

        we are going to go visit the chicago one before the thermals show soon.

        1. admin July 12, 2007 at 6:50 pm

          Re: Bienvenidos a Miami!

          I feel like if my friends list worked together, I could vicariously visit every single Kwik E Mart in the country.

          So post pictures! 😀

  2. benzarius July 12, 2007 at 8:09 pm

    Hehe. I live right next to this Sev.

    The funny thing is that people say name brand recognition is single handedly killing our nations free market economy. people say “band aid” when they want an “adhesive strip”. So I wonder… is it possible that this phenomena extends to fictional references? because convenience stores have never been “7-11” in my mind, but rather I have called them “Kwik-E-Mart” for close to 15 years. I never even realized I did it until I saw this.

    1. admin July 12, 2007 at 9:13 pm

      I don’t know if I agree that name brand recognition is killing the free market economy–I might call a facial tissue ‘kleenex’ but that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the brand I’ll purchase at the store. I would say there’s a distinct differnce between a name brand becoming so inserted into the common vernacular that the brand name has become a substitute for what the product is and having a virtually unshakeable business monopoly. For instance, if you were to ask someone if they could pass you a facial tissue, you might get some strange looks, but if you were to ask for a kleenex, everyone automaticaly knows what you’re talking about and furthermore, they are not going to assume that you need a Kleenex brand facial tissue to fill your face-wiping needs.

      Fictional references to real products I would imagine as more of a blessing than a curse, at least as far as the companies behind the real products are concerned–even if you hadn’t been calling 7/11 by the right name, you still had brand awareness–that it was different from other convenience stores.

      Was that just rambling, or did that actually make sense?

  3. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    are you the creator of hi and lois? for you are making me laugh.

    1. admin July 12, 2007 at 9:14 pm

      Please do not touch the case! It contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she advises a friend to commit suicide.

      1. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 9:20 pm

        Ohhhh, cheeseburgers and loneliness is a dangerous mix…

        1. admin July 12, 2007 at 9:25 pm

          These 100 tacos should last me through the ‘Dr. Who’ marathon!

          1. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 9:28 pm

            The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity!

          2. admin July 12, 2007 at 9:31 pm

            Aah, Captain Janeway. Lace: The final brasseire!

          3. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 9:35 pm

            Your questions have become more redundant and annoying then the last three Highlander movies.

          4. admin July 12, 2007 at 9:37 pm

            Yes. Please make this out to me, and these three out for my friend of the same name.

          5. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 9:52 pm

            I do not need this! I’ve got a Masters degree in Folklore Mythology.

          6. admin July 12, 2007 at 9:55 pm

            Huh, let me show you something. This, this is a Snagglepuss drawn by Hic Hiesler, it is worth something. This, this is an arm drawn by nobody, it is worth nothing.

            I can give you this telephone, it is shaped like Mary Worth.

          7. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 10:13 pm

            Behold! The ultimate Pog!

          8. admin July 12, 2007 at 10:19 pm

            Perhaps because you are a pre-pubescent ignoramus.This is a bootleg copy of Itchy and Scratchy meet Fritz the Cat. Because of its frank depiction of sex and narcotic consumption, it is not for infantile intellect such as yours, now toodle-oo.

  4. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 10:21 pm

    (you brush the crumbs out of your beard and you’ve got yourself a date!)

    Don’t try to change me baby.

    1. admin July 12, 2007 at 10:26 pm

      You may purchase this charming Hamburglar adventure. A child has already solved the jumble using crayons. The answer is ‘fries’.

      1. bellachiara6 July 12, 2007 at 10:29 pm

        Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for others, much much more.

Comments are closed.