I’ve been following Petrilude on youtube for quite a while–he does fantastic makeup tutorials, from simple things to more avant-garde looks, tips and tricks for things like contouring the face and concealing brows, etc. Every October, he parades out some AMAZING Halloween looks, and whenever he asks for feedback on what people are looking for in their costume makeup, it’s always “Sexy cop”, “Sexy firefighter”, “Sexy bumblebee”, “Sexy Alice in Wonderland”. So along comes this video:
And lo, I lolled. Heartily.
I wanna be a really scary, gory, like, you know, monster? But, like, sexy? Right?
Totally! It’s like, important and stuff that no matter what I’m dressing up as, people still recognize that I’m sexy. I want people to be like, MAN, before she got in that car wreck, I totally would have hit that, and I still kind of want to hit it now.
Totally! It’s like, important and stuff that no matter what I’m dressing up as, people still recognize that I’m sexy. I want people to be like, MAN, before she got in that car wreck, I totally would have hit that, and I still kind of want to hit it now.
I wanna be a really scary, gory, like, you know, monster? But, like, sexy? Right?
I know, right? It’s like, yeah, I wanna be into the whole, you know, Halloween spirit and all, but I also want to show off my long legs, ass cheeks and boobs. So, like, can you help me with some really scary slutty makeup tips? I’d, like, totally owe you!
Well, since you’re going to be wearing a skirt that ends approximately one inch below your ass, I would reccommend using a dark matte blush to contour the undersides your butt cheeks. This will give the junk in your trunk a little pop, because no one wants to be a Fannyless Fran on Halloween! Instead, they’ll say “Look at that Bootylicious Betty! What is she going to do with all that junk, all that junk inside her truck? I’m totally getting lovedrunk off her hump, her hump, her hump, her hump, her hump, her lovely lady lumps, check them out!”
Now, the reason we do smoky sexy eyes for Halloween looks is because we don’t actually want anyone looking at our eyes. The dark colors make them recede. This leaves the population free of the obligation to even pretend they’re trying to FIND your eyes, and they can zoom right in on the headlights, which you are going to highlight with a light, frosty powder. Glitter would be even better if you can find it, though I understand it’s quite a challenge to find glitter in makeup, so make do with what you can. Craft supplies if you MUST, but take care, as that’s dangerous for the eyes of your motorboaters.
LMAO.
But, like, don’t forget to buy some really cheap stripper heels in a color vaguely similar to your outfit! No one wants to look like they’re not trying too hard enough on halloween! I mean, it’s like the best time to look desperate for a lay, outside of, like, valentines day.
I would argue that it’s BETTER to look desperate for a lay on Halloween than Valentine’s Day because a Valentine’s Day lay is probably going to be needier.
I would argue that it’s BETTER to look desperate for a lay on Halloween than Valentine’s Day because a Valentine’s Day lay is probably going to be needier.
LMAO.
But, like, don’t forget to buy some really cheap stripper heels in a color vaguely similar to your outfit! No one wants to look like they’re not trying too hard enough on halloween! I mean, it’s like the best time to look desperate for a lay, outside of, like, valentines day.
Well, since you’re going to be wearing a skirt that ends approximately one inch below your ass, I would reccommend using a dark matte blush to contour the undersides your butt cheeks. This will give the junk in your trunk a little pop, because no one wants to be a Fannyless Fran on Halloween! Instead, they’ll say “Look at that Bootylicious Betty! What is she going to do with all that junk, all that junk inside her truck? I’m totally getting lovedrunk off her hump, her hump, her hump, her hump, her hump, her lovely lady lumps, check them out!”
Now, the reason we do smoky sexy eyes for Halloween looks is because we don’t actually want anyone looking at our eyes. The dark colors make them recede. This leaves the population free of the obligation to even pretend they’re trying to FIND your eyes, and they can zoom right in on the headlights, which you are going to highlight with a light, frosty powder. Glitter would be even better if you can find it, though I understand it’s quite a challenge to find glitter in makeup, so make do with what you can. Craft supplies if you MUST, but take care, as that’s dangerous for the eyes of your motorboaters.
I know, right? It’s like, yeah, I wanna be into the whole, you know, Halloween spirit and all, but I also want to show off my long legs, ass cheeks and boobs. So, like, can you help me with some really scary slutty makeup tips? I’d, like, totally owe you!
That was awesome!
That was awesome!
My favorite part was where she said “Like Auntie Em would totally bitch slap the hell out of Dorothy” haha! LOLL
My favorite part was where she said “Like Auntie Em would totally bitch slap the hell out of Dorothy” haha! LOLL
I’ll just leave this here.
Some things weren’t meant to be sexy. 🙁
But I’ve been wanting to fuck sesame street monsters since I was in diapers. How can you deny my natural urges? Now these fine people are willing to facilitate my needs.
Just remember: Cookies are now a sometimes food.
Just remember: Cookies are now a sometimes food.
But I’ve been wanting to fuck sesame street monsters since I was in diapers. How can you deny my natural urges? Now these fine people are willing to facilitate my needs.
Some things weren’t meant to be sexy. 🙁
I’ll just leave this here.
HAH. Yes, awesome.
HAH. Yes, awesome.
The chick who does this video also did a hilarious how to do your makeup like a Navi after Avatar. It almost had me in tears laughing.
Her ‘how to do makeup like a chola’ video was also hilarious. If she can eventually get to the point where she needs fewer cuts, she can do really well for herself in comedy, IMO.
Her ‘how to do makeup like a chola’ video was also hilarious. If she can eventually get to the point where she needs fewer cuts, she can do really well for herself in comedy, IMO.
The chick who does this video also did a hilarious how to do your makeup like a Navi after Avatar. It almost had me in tears laughing.