October 6th-28th behind the cut.

I’ve made it a personal goal to watch at least one ‘scary’ movie per day in the month of October–I have to keep it lighter or cheesier on days when Amy is around as she doesn’t do so well with anything gruesome (or just watch them in my room), much in the same way that I feel I should include ‘When Harry Met Sally’ on this list; romantic comedies make my stomach churn. So far, I’m doing really well; and as an added bonus, the movies have helped me keep my Halloween mojo up so that I’m motivated to continue to sew while I watch, when ordinarily, I would’ve become disinterested/lazed off by this point.

October 1st The Haunted History of Halloween color, 1997 This documentary focused on how the holiday arrived in its present incarnation from its roots as the pagan holiday Samhain; when the Christians could not do away with it, they instead blended it with their beliefs. World Wars I and II also had an effect on the holiday, putting the emphasis more on children as adults did not have the time nor resources to celebrate, and when the children of those periods grew up, it began again to have more adult-oriented activities. At 50 minutes, it was entirely too short and never really had the opportunity to go in-depth, instead merely touching on a number of subjects. One nitpick: No matter how much they insist that everyone around the world celebrates Halloween, that Dia De Los Muertos is the same–they really don’t, and it’s really not.

South Park: Korn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery color, 1999 Pirate Ghosts or Ghost Pirates? The world may never know.

October 2nd Frankenhooker color, 1990 As soon as I read the synopsis, I knew I’d be delighted by this movie: “When his pretty fiancee is literally torn to pieces by a runaway lawnmower, Jeffrey Franken creates a scheme to bring her back to life: reassemble her from the body parts of New York City prostitutes.” WIN. This movie has it all–exploding hookers, mad scientists, SUPER CRACK, a pimp named Zorro, and “a human salad…a salad that was once named Elizabeth”.

October 3rd Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors color, 1987 The last seven elm street kids have been confined to a mental hospital staffed by Morpheus, who does not give them a choice between the red and blue pills, but rather administers sedatives so they have no choice but to dream. Whenever Will Stanton shouts “I AM THE WIZARD MASTER” it cracks me up like a woman flying upside down. But he keeps going! “In the name of Lowrek, Prince of Elves… demon, begone!” STOP IT WIZARD MASTER, YOU ARE KILLING ME. Nancy from the original Nightmare is back, and she’s supposedly ‘grown up’…but as only three years have passed since the original, the effect is of a little girl playing dress-up.

October 4th Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy’s Dead color, 1991 This movie features a funnier, more cruel Freddy, and as a bonus, the ending is in glorious 3-D–I wish the WHOLE MOVIE was in 3-D, mainly because I’d love to see someone slain with a q-tip in 3-D. Sadly, the director lacked the vision necessary to make that happen for me. Cameos by Johnny Depp and Alice Cooper top off this class act.

October 5th Alien Vs. Predator color, 2004 Say what you will, I actually kind of liked this movie. It’s not a cinematic masterpiece by any means, but it has a couple of high points. I think it could’ve used less humans and more fights between the Aliens and Predators. If I start to think about it too much, the nitpicks I have are: Why is it that the Aliens only incubate for a few minutes in the human, but it takes half the movie to incubate in a Predator? How the fuck did it turn into an Alien/Predator hybrid, merely via incubation? By that logic, wouldn’t aliens incubated in humans have a different form from the Queen? (Barring the white Alien from Resurrection as it’s not quite the same thing–being liveborn vs the typical incubation.) How is cold water supposed to kill the Queen or prevent her from laying more eggs when it couldn’t kill a garden-variety alien in Alien³? Why weren’t there more Alien & Predator fights in a movie called Alien vs Predator? As you see, you really can’t think about this one too much. Ideally, if you can watch it merely with your lizard brain, you’ll come away quite satisfied.

In the following poll, YOU decide the criteria. It can be who you think would win in a fight, who you think is cooler, who you’d rather have a beer with, who you think would wink in the most cute manner during a nationally televised debate. It’s your call. I’m just keeping your voting skills prepped for November, when you’ll vote me in for Benevolent Dictator.

Up tonight: Halloween, the 2007 Rob Zombie remake.

October 16th Tremors color, 1990. I used to love this movie, and one line in particular struck me and made me giggle every time–“Judas PRIEST that stinks!” I waited eagerly to hear it again…and realized that the line I’d loved so much had been in the edited-for-tv version, and in the non-edited version, it was the more plain “JESUS CHRIST that stinks!” More blasphemous? Maybe, depending on who you’re talking to. But definitely more boring.

October 17th Piranha II: The Spawning color, 1981. Holy hell, this was awful. And awesome. And awful. But awesome. Bonus points for starting the movie with a graphic underwater sex scene. Bonus points for really cheesy flying murderous fish. Minus points for ripping off one of the greatest movies of all time. (edit: Jaws.)

October 18th Reno 911 Halloween Episode color, 2003. No, not a movie, really. But to be frank and honest, I didn’t have a lot of time between work and going to see Rob Zombie, and when I got home, it was too late and I was too ston tired to watch something full-length. But Rob Zombie showed a lot of clips from ‘House of 1000 Corpses’ and ‘The Devil’s Rejects’ during his set–does that count?

October 19th The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D variax joined me for the movie, and I didn’t think it was possible, but I loved it even more in 3D. Stylistically, it’s a movie that transitions very well to 3D, to the point where I felt like I was hanging out in Halloween Town. It was worth the drive to cow-town through pouring rain and flooded-out roads.

October 20th Slumber Party Massacre color, 1982. I’m pretty sure that the only reason they include the basketball scene near the beginning is so that they could have a shower scene immediately afterward; which is even more peculiar since it parades itself around as a movie written by, directed by, and starring women, based on a book by a well-known feminist writer. For all that, I saw a hell of a lot of T&A in this movie. The serial killer wears a White Trash Suit–jeans with a jean jacket, something I’ve also heard referred to as the Canadian Tuxedo. So every time the murderer appeared onscreen, it was accompanied by exclamations of “Look out, it’s the Canadian!”

…He kills everyone with a portable drill, and doesn’t talk until the end, at which point I wished he’d never opened his mouth.

The best scene in the movie, by far, is when one of the girls finds a buzz saw with which to go after the serial killer, picks it up, and runs with it…not realizing that it was plugged into the wall, and she’s knocked off of her feet when she runs out of cord.

Also, I miss movies that tell you exactly what is going to happen in the title.

October 21st Ringu color, 1998. I figured I’d rather see the original than the remake, even if it means that reading subtitles might take away from the overall scariness. Now, I have been watching a lot of cheesy scary movies this month, but this is still by far one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. Still nothing to keep me from sleeping properly, but I hope to find more movies that follow this creepier, less visceral vein–gore doesn’t scare me. Even when he’s talking about the environment.

Up tonight: Alice, Sweet Alice.