Someone Take My Scissors Away

On Sunday, a group of fine ladies congregated at poetrix618’s home to make collage paper dolls. However, first we all had to hear about how two of them went to see the Chippendales the night before and for some reason I wasn’t invited. I am both shocked and appalled. SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

After about an hour of crafting, this is what we ended up with.


A fine lady, let us call her ‘Boolia’ for the sake of this journal, constructed this masterpiece. As you can see, her man has quite a womanish figure, and Ron Jeremy positioned on one taut thigh.


amazoni ended up with some sort of masked dandy with his wang hanging out.

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Anne focused on freaking everyone within a three-block radius out.

And I? Missed the point of the whole exercise.

I wasn’t feeling too crafty, so I flipped through some teenybopper magazine Boolia had liberated from her dentist, read off some of the included quizzes, was told I had a ‘tampax-y commercial voice’, and decided to make some sort of summer montage that only, well…no one could love.


So, that is some centerfold poster of some teen idol I don’t know named Taylor. Why, yes. That is not just THREE wolves howling at the moon on his chest, but FIVE.


Why, yes. That IS a glittersparkle RPattz wearing a catprint dress catching a butterfly.


You’re welcome.

20 Comments Someone Take My Scissors Away

  1. amazoni July 1, 2009 at 6:41 am

    I admit, I am particularly proud of my doll’s splooge-covered thigh.

    1. amazoni July 1, 2009 at 6:46 am

      And I vow to invite you the next time I traverse several counties to see male strippers. Start saving your singles now.

      1. admin July 1, 2009 at 6:50 am

        Based on what they do for TWO dollars, I’m going to start saving fins.

  2. dslartoo July 1, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    I’m more curious about where you got that “Why I Must Have Sex With You” card. That thing looks like it rules.


    1. admin July 1, 2009 at 4:31 pm

      Someone else brought it so I’m not 100% sure–but has indicated that it’s available on the internet. 🙂

  3. cheeserock July 1, 2009 at 5:58 am

    taylor is jacob from “twilight”

    i love these dolls, i am going to make some, too. after thrifting some magazines i don’t mind cutting up.

    otherwise, mine will just be of knitting needles wearing record reviews.

    1. admin July 1, 2009 at 6:46 am

      Awww shit, really? I had some whole Twilight cast theme going on and I didn’t even know it?

      I should have used more glitter. 🙁

    2. cheeserock July 1, 2009 at 6:44 am

      hence having wolves on his chest is way more apt than normal…

  4. kindofstrange July 1, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    Sweet zombie jaysus that last one is fucking fantastic.

    1. admin July 1, 2009 at 4:30 pm

      Speaking of zombies, are you coming to the red white & dead celebration in Fremont on Friday?

  5. derrickito July 1, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    when are you having another party? i couldnt make the last one because i was in portland (but wanted to), but there are a couple of your girlfriends that i want to bang.

    1. admin July 1, 2009 at 7:42 pm

      I’m thinking about having a party in August. Otherwise, there probably won’t be another one until closer to Halloween.

      1. derrickito July 1, 2009 at 7:58 pm

        thats lame. i need to find an excuse to wear my ronald costume out again

        1. admin July 1, 2009 at 8:34 pm

          I was thinking about having a ‘dress as what you wanted to be as an adult when you were five’ party–Ronald might work for that!

    2. amazoni July 1, 2009 at 8:55 pm

      It’s no fair unless you admit WHICH of her girlfriends you want to bang. I mean, you want those friends to be at the party, right?
      Oh…or maybe the knowledge would keep them away? Nevermind.

      1. admin July 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm

        I must admit, I’m curious to know who!

  6. watchout5 July 1, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    I did a google search for that notepad, holy shit that rocks

    1. admin July 1, 2009 at 4:29 pm

      I only wish it had write-in options!

  7. poetrix618 July 1, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Amazoni, that randy candy on your man-dee is dandy. I wish I had made yours instead of the cry-for-help duo from hell that I made.

    And society lets us play with scissors?

  8. shadowstitch July 2, 2009 at 5:58 am

    That first collage is like some kind of absurd Salvador Dali “frankenstein meets voltron”.

    Ron Jeremy: “And I’ll form the head! …not that head!”

Comments are closed.