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Monster Movies

5 Comments read Movies, Reviews

I’ve made it a personal goal to watch at least one ‘scary’ movie per day in the month of October–I have to keep it lighter or cheesier on days when Amy is around as she doesn’t do so well with anything gruesome, much in the same way that I feel I should include ‘When Harry Met Sally’ on this list; romantic comedies make my stomach churn. So far, I’m doing really well; and as an added bonus, the movies have helped me keep my Halloween mojo up so that I’m motivated to continue to sew while I watch, when ordinarily, I would’ve become disinterested/lazed off by this point.

October 1st The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (MST3K version) B/W Original movie: 1962, MST3K treatment: 1993 One of the funniest MST3Ks I’ve ever seen, with a line delivered during the car accident scene that will likely carry me for the rest of my life–“Diarrhea was raging inside me like a STORM!” I laughed until I cried.

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra B/W, 2001 Intended as a send-up of the 50’s B movies, and hits the mark perfectly. The world was disemboweled in terror!

October 2nd Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street B/W, 1936 Obtained for the purchase price of one dollar at Fred Meyer (with two movies AND a monster cartoon!), it’s a swell bargain but just an ok movie. The cannibalism aspect is merely hinted at, and the transfer is poor at best; dialogue is glitchy. You get what you pay for, I suppose.

Sleepy Hollow Color, 1999 I’d slam Johnny Depp like a Halloween pumpkin.

October 3rd Nightmare Before Christmas Color, 1993 One of my all-time favorites.

House of 1000 Corpses Color, 2003 Captain Spaulding is one of the greatest scary clowns ever. In fact, I may have to be Captain Spaulding for Halloween next year! Also, if a ‘fried chicken and museum of oddities + murder ride’ actually existed, I would vacation there every summer.

October 4th Prince of Space b/w, 1959 This movie made me sad to be alive.

Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn color, 1987 This remains one of my favorites if only for the scene where he stomps on the ghoul’s head, an eyeball pops out, and flies into a screaming girl’s open mouth. AMAZING.

October 5th Plan 9 From Outer Space b/w, 1959 This movie has been called ‘The worst movie ever made’, a statement which I happen to wholeheartedly DISAGREE with. It’s far too entertaining to be the worst movie ever made. Besides, everyone knows that The Worst Movie Ever Made is Freddy Got Fingered, that cinematic piece of garbage starring Tom Green. Some friends of mine spent COLLEGE DOLLARS renting it, which are higher value than BIG PERSON DOLLARS because there’s no more of it coming in, and we couldn’t get past the first fifteen minutes. The verdict was that we all hope Tom Green dies in a fire. The Second Worst Movie Ever Made is really anything starring Pauly Shore.

October 6th Ghoulies II color, 1987 I first saw this movie as a wee child, and it terrified me. For years afterward, I would compulsively check the toilets for a toilet monster, sometimes looking two or three times before I would take a seat. This is one of the rare movies where the sequel is far, far more entertaining than the original. In this case, it wouldn’t have been too difficult considering the original, in something I previously considered physically impossible, both sucked AND blew at the same time.

October 7th The Ninth Gate color, 1999 While real men may love the ninth gate, I just thought it was ok. I’m good with the non-ending ending, I’m just not enthralled with how it got there–for 97% of the movie, the main character has one goal, and then in the last 3%, it’s like “hey, also, I want to meet the devil”. Without the driving force throughout the film, or even a larger portion of it, the last bit plays hollow to me.

Young Frankenstein b/w, 1974 Not one of my favorites of Mel Brooks’ efforts. I know, I know, I am alone in that remark. Funny sometimes, but not hilarious. However, the ‘putting on the ritz’ performance makes me laugh every time.

Up for tonight–Ju-on. Supposed to be GRUESOME. I can’t wait!

I don’t want no mates, there’s too many captains on this island.

7 Comments read Pacific, Travel, USA, Washington, West

On Sunday, Jez had invited me to attend the Wooden Boat Festival in Port Townsend. On the ferry from Edmonds to Kingston, I finally became alert enough to notice my surroundings, and goosezilla‘s necklace.

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With the super-sensitive sixth sense every woman has regarding when people are staring at her chest, Katy noted my drooling, early-morning half-lidded gaze, and hurriedly explained that the center bit is a toe. A TOE, damnit!

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Our first stop was in Port Gamble, at the Sea and Shell Museum. The downstairs bit is one of those stores they have in every crappy, low-population, tourist-oriented town–full of stuffed animals and mugs with cutesy, treacly sayings. The upstairs, however, is pretty much the world’s most dilapidated museum.

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The googly eyes totally make this fish awesome. I’m pretty sure that ANYTHING is made more awesome by the addition of googly eyes.

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Here are a bunch of jars of preserved…things that haven’t been preserved super-well; I’m pretty sure that the fluid isn’t supposed to evaporate. From left to right on the bottom row, I’m guessing: Shark, fish, jellyfish, eel, The Blob.

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When they ran out different kinds of shells to display, but still had extra cases left over, that’s when the magic happened. Shell handicrafts, shell stamps, things with shells embroidered on them…it goes on and on. Of course, the very best one is the CRUCIFIED JESUS SHELL.

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This crab has a masturbation problem, and he’ll kindly thank you not to make fun of his one overdeveloped giant crab arm. He blames all of the scintillating material made available to him by Arrrdor, Inc.

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As we left, Jez noted that one of the flags on the museum was upside down. Distress call, mistake, or prank pulled by the Masonic house across the street?

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We arrived in Port Townsend just in time to board the good ship Adventuress; a historic schooner at nearly 100 years old, originally owned by ‘gentleman’s adventurer’ John Borden II, who commissioned it to travel to the Arctic to collect bowhead whale specimens. I was delighted to learn that this was a ‘working’ tour; we’d all be working together to haul the lines to raise and lower the sails.

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Captain Kate, taking control of the ship when the Lady Washington challenged us with her cannons. For all the bragging in Pirates of the Caribbean–“This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean”; “There’s no real ship as can match The Interceptor”, we smoked it. That’s because with her square rig, she can’t sail into the wind the way Adventuress can. 000xdb3e

OWNED. After a while, I got to play captain for a bit, steering the ship, while deckhands goosezilla, James, and Jez hauled lines at my whim. Muahahahahaha! My turn was up all too quickly, but it was said that I wore a shiteating grin the entire time I was behind the giant wooden wheel. I’ve got soft hands, city hands, so by the end of the day, I had some twinges of rope burn on my fingers, but actually helping work on the ship was incredibly satisfying. Jez ended up giving me the cd he won in the on-ship raffle, and suggested I could have it looping continuously in the pirate bathroom. This I considered to be a fantastic idea until I actually heard the cd, at which point I determined that it’s close to, if not THE worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life. There’s a whole track of SNORING. The people singing the chanties don’t actually know them, so they screw up words. People are coughing in the background on the track that talks about the ship’s history. This is an item they SELL. WOW. …Maybe I should just loop it when I’m gone, in the hopes of driving out the upstairs neighbors.