Ripping it out by the roots

Note to self: Even though the box of the hair removal wax kit claims that it is ‘Easy!’ and ‘Painless!’ with exclamation points, it is, in fact, neither easy NOR painless. Additionally, exclamation points, once regarded as a sign of exuberant veracity, may now have to be regarded with suspicion as telltale beacons of a greater web of lies.

16 Comments Ripping it out by the roots

  1. scrapyard August 1, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    Exclamation points are also used in probability math, so this may be another case of math secretly sneaking up upon you with nefarious results. (Like the Count.)

    I suspect my love for math and desire to become an evil crime maven are somehow linked.

    1. admin August 1, 2007 at 4:56 pm

      I would like to be an evil crime maven minus the math. Barring that, I would like to have a monkey that performs tricks.

  2. demonlet August 1, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    I guess it is the silver lining on the cloud of suck that once, in a fit of stupid bowing to mother pressure, I once conceded to have my eyebrows “shaped” at the hair stylist. The incredible pain and swelling of my face that resulted indicates to me how terrible waxing would be on other parts of my tender flesh.

    1. admin August 1, 2007 at 5:09 pm

      You learned TWO lessons that day–one about waxing, and another about mother pressure. I once bowed to mother pressure to get my (then very curly) hair cut short, ‘just like hers!’. Yeah, having a flippy shorthair crackerfro was not my ticket to popularity in junior high.

  3. pandemoniachick August 1, 2007 at 5:24 pm

    Take the pain of waxing and then drag it out slowly over the course of twenty minutes, and that’s what it’s like using an epilator.

    I put mine on my friend’s leg and he started crying.

    1. admin August 1, 2007 at 5:45 pm

      In general, guys seem to have NO idea how much effort/pain/money it takes for women to appear lovely–I always laugh and laugh when a guy says he wants a girl who is low maintenance and then in the next breath says he wants someone like Angelina Jolie. Looking like that is not a low maintenance process!

      1. uncledisgusting August 1, 2007 at 5:58 pm

        it’s great being a bloke – once a month nothing changes.

        1. admin August 1, 2007 at 6:06 pm

          Lucky SOB.

          1. uncledisgusting August 1, 2007 at 6:09 pm

            well, that’s the only good bit. we die younger of a stress related condition, and you get to wile us around to whatever you want.

          2. admin August 1, 2007 at 6:13 pm

            I think I would prefer to die a few years earlier as opposed to having the horrifying, soul-searching, panic-inducing moments of the ‘Am I Pregnant’ shuffle.

          3. uncledisgusting August 1, 2007 at 6:30 pm

            is there a little mantra that goes with it?

          4. admin August 1, 2007 at 6:35 pm

            It goes something like “oh god, oh god, OH GOD, oh god oh god ohgodohgodohgodohgodwhatamigonnadowhydidisleepwiththisguyohgod OH GOD, oh god, oh god” etc. Quite catchy.

  4. cordelia_rose August 1, 2007 at 5:53 pm

    I know of these horrors and woes.

    Anything that does not come pre-attached to a convenient strip is not only too painful but also too much work and has a much to high probabillity of permanently melting bright purple “all natural lavender wax” to your favorite sweater. Aprently “all natural lavender wax” is code for “horrible plasic death goo.”

    1. admin August 1, 2007 at 6:06 pm

      The process took forever, so it involved multiple trips back to the kitchen to reheat the ‘horrible plastic death goo’ back up to some sort of spreadable temperature, and, additionally, I got it all over my carpet. Next time, I’m hiring a professional to do it for me.

      I’ve ruined enough of my favorite clothes to know I’m not allowed to wear them when I’ll be around anything even slightly messy in nature. So basically, they stay in my closet.

  5. scrapdog August 1, 2007 at 8:01 pm

    Exclamation points are relatively weak nowadays due to overuse. That’s why you need to use several of them.

    Easy!!!!!!!! Painless!!!!!!!

    Anything less than 8 or 9 exclamation points, the claim is dubious at best.

    1. admin August 1, 2007 at 9:17 pm


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