Pfft. I thought this was a steakhouse, not some girly, frilly, underpantsy, tea-party kind of place.

On Saturday, Tristan, Tobie and I went for lunch at Ipanema, specifically, rodizio. I’m feeling lazy, so let me blatantly copy-paste what I wrote about it last time:

What is rodizio, you ask? Only the greatest invention in the history of time, where handsome men bring a variety of twenty-two different meats skewered on swords tableside, cutting you slice after slice until you absolutely cannot eat another bite and then you eat one anyway because it’s all so delicious. THAT is rodizio. A veritable orgy of meats, excess to the point of feeling foolish for having also gotten veggies, because while the balanced diet can include the occasional eating contest, you don’t win friends with salad.

 

They brought us sword after sword of meat–pepper steak, parmesan pork, spicy sausages, The Most Tender Chicken On Earth, garlic steak, tri tip, sirloin, bacon-wrapped steak…I can’t even remember it all. Tristan asked if we’d ever eaten so much we’d gone temporarily blind, and it seemed like if it was ever going to happen, that would be the day. Our organs were all crammed full of meat, even ones outside of the digestive tract. Our lungs were full of meat. Our sinuses were packed with meat. My uterus was storing a pound of pepper steak. And still the handsome waiters kept circling. All I could think was, “What’s happening to me? There’s still food, but I don’t want to eat it. I’ve become everything I’ve ever hated!” Even attempting to summon up the competitive spirit of Eater X could not convince me to eat even one more bite, aside from the fried banana. And the remainder of the veggies on my plate. But that was it, I swear.

We had intended to have rodizio the week prior, but who would have thought that the Brazilian restaurant in which one can watch the world cup would be completely full on a day in which Brazil played in the world cup? Not me. Whooooops.

You know how in movies including submarines, there is almost always a scene in which the pressure gauge moves up into the red zone while klaxons sound, indicating DANGER DANGER DANGER while a man in a uniform runs about frantically because there’s very little he can do about the situation? On Saturday, there was a tiny uniformed man running about in my digestive tract ineffectually while my stomach blared ah-WOOGA! ah-WOOGA! ah-WOOGA! and yet the gauchos kept circling with more meat. One inquired as to whether we’d like pork, and Tobie countered by asking if the server liked pork. The server replied, “No. I am a Jew.” which probably should not have made us laugh, but we did, if only because he’s doing the devil’s work–serving unclean animals on the Sabbath, even!

4736542064_9a33e94343 DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER…ok, just one more piece.

After lunch, I was too full to even think about doing anything strenuous, so we watched a bad movie and took the dog for a walk in the beautiful afternoon sunshine. Evening snuck up on me faster than I would have believed possible. One of my coworkers was having a housewarming party that day, and he let me know that I was on a very limited coworker guest list–he invited all of the people whose company I enjoy and left off all the people who drive me insane with rage. It was a nice gesture to let me know he thinks well of me as a coworker, and I wanted to at least drop in for a short while to reciprocate. As soon as I walked in the door, they tried to hand me a plate with a burger and a hotdog on it, and just looking at the food made the tiny uniformed man send out all the warning signals again, at which time I poked myself in the stomach and gave him a severe talking-to about real danger versus imaginary danger. I didn’t intend to stay very long, but then people started swapping stories–being locked in a Federale prison, getting into/getting out of/breaking up fights, shirts being ripped off at ruckus Hell’s Angels parties–my coworkers are vastly more interesting than I’d ever given them credit for being!

52 Comments Pfft. I thought this was a steakhouse, not some girly, frilly, underpantsy, tea-party kind of place.

  1. maps_or_guitars June 28, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    “No. I am a Jew.”

    Ah, he’s just making excuses. My Lovely Jewish Wife eats mad bacon.

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 7:59 pm

      Good! What use is it being one of god’s chosen people if you don’t get to enjoy some of the best stuff on earth?

      1. scearley June 28, 2010 at 8:13 pm

        If Spider-Man taught us anything, it’s that a good rabbi loves his bacon:

        1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:15 pm

          WHAT

          Is that for real? As in, an actually licensed and distributed spider-man comic?

          1. scearley June 28, 2010 at 8:21 pm

            It was in the Portland Mercury (note the Wm Stephen Humphrey writing credit). Licensed no, distributed…..

            I have no idea if the Merc got sued over this.

            I love the bitchin’ hat Spidey made for Jesus. He’s ready to jump off the cross and start pickin strawberries with the rest of the Jesuses!

          2. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:24 pm

            I would be surprised if they *didn’t* get sued.

  2. luscious_words June 28, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    That meal sounds delicious and just what the Welshman would like. He’s not much on veggies and is known for having steak with his steak. πŸ™‚

    And that party sounds like all kinds of fun with those stories being swapped. πŸ˜€

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:05 pm

      You should check and see if there’s a Brazilian grill place in your area, then!

      Tobie and Tristan can both eaaaat so I really wanted to pit them against one another. Ultimately, it was a draw–when you consume that much delicious food, everyone wins. Or loses. I guess it depends on how you look at it.

      1. luscious_words June 28, 2010 at 8:07 pm

        They used to have one in this area but it didn’t do well. πŸ™ That meat on a skewer looks tasty. *drools*

        1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:13 pm

          Ahh, sad. πŸ™ I suppose if you find yourself in Seattle sometime, you could eat at ours!

          1. luscious_words June 28, 2010 at 8:16 pm

            Did someone say Seattle?!? The Welshman is nuts about the Mariners and Seahawks and I’m determined to get him out there sometime so he can go to some games. Of course, limiting it to the time when both teams are playing limits the time of year we’d be visiting. LOL

          2. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:23 pm

            Yup, Seattle! I dunno about the overlap, but has some extra tickets to Seahawks games that she’s selling (they got their hands on better season tickets and don’t need theirs anymore).

            At a glance, she’s got:
            September 12 vs. San Francisco 49ers (opening season game)
            September 26 vs. San Diego Chargers
            October 24th vs. Arizona Cardinals
            …and baseball doesn’t really run longer than that, does it?

            LMK if you’re interested, I can get you in touch with her. πŸ™‚

          3. luscious_words June 28, 2010 at 8:35 pm

            As much as I’d love to take advantage of that this year, we cannot. No money saved up due to large vet bills. πŸ™ But thank you for the offer of putting me in contact with her. Bummer! πŸ™ πŸ™

          4. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:39 pm

            Some other year, then! Unlike the Sonics, the Mariners and Seahawks are unlikely to go anywhere.

          5. luscious_words June 28, 2010 at 8:42 pm

            Are the Sonics looking to move? (The Welshman doesn’t follow them so I hear nothing about them. *g*)

          6. scearley June 28, 2010 at 8:45 pm

            I like where this is going.

          7. luscious_words June 28, 2010 at 8:47 pm

            Does this mean I said something wrong or asked the question that should never be asked? He follows two American sports – football and baseball. Other than that, he’s a football (soccer) fan.

          8. scearley June 28, 2010 at 8:50 pm

            The Sonics moved to Oklahoma City in 2008.

          9. luscious_words June 28, 2010 at 10:40 pm

            *snicker* And see? I told you true. He did not tell me about that. πŸ˜‰

          10. amazoni June 29, 2010 at 7:42 pm

            We’re season ticket holders for the Mariners – 2 seats in the Terrace Club level, right next to the press boxes looking down the 1st base line. I’m sure we could hook you up. πŸ™‚

          11. admin June 29, 2010 at 7:45 pm

            Those sound like some pretty swanky seats!

          12. luscious_words June 29, 2010 at 8:15 pm

            I will definitely keep it in mind when we can finally make the trip. It’s my hope to get the Welshman out there so he can enjoy seeing his teams on their home fields. He’s seen the Mariners when they’ve played inter-league games with Cincinnati, but it’s different seeing them on their home turf.

  3. weaselmom June 28, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Dare I hope that the glass full of spent limes represents a statistically significant number of gin and tonics consumed?

    I must get my husband to this place, as it will truly be his heaven on earth. Rodizio sounds similar to my friend Dan’s annual feijoada, which is a kind of Portuguese meat orgy. There were cute boys but no swords. At least not while we were there. Maybe the swords came out much later.

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:12 pm

      While I do love gin & tonics, particularly in statistically significant amounts, this is the remnants of one lime-heavy guava caipirinha.

      If you go, plan on going for lunch either during the week or on the weekend–at dinner, the price doubles.

      1. weaselmom June 28, 2010 at 8:18 pm

        Guava caipirinha? Now I must go, as I have an unholy love for the guava. I wonder if they will sell me a pitcher. (I keep telling Dave at Shindig that he needs to sell pitchers of mango mojitos.) Thanks for the heads-up about the price!

        1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:27 pm

          Sure thing! I am fine with spending $22 for a meat orgy, but I’m reticient to pay $44.

          Dave DOES need to sell mango mojito pitchers, so I will also get on his case about it. πŸ˜‰ You know their anniversary party is coming up soon, right? You should sign their guest book if you have not so you get on their invite list.

          1. weaselmom June 28, 2010 at 8:49 pm

            By golly, I will make a special pilgrimage down there ASAP to get on the invite list.

            Have you ever gone to one of his “techno” nights (first Saturday, I think)? Sometimes I’m tempted to show up in full gothindustrial regalia just to give the regulars something to talk about, but I am allergic to Daisy Dukes and Dr. Seuss hats and Hello Kitty backpacks, or whatever the kids are wearing these days.

          2. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:58 pm

            No, I haven’t! I don’t have a whole hell of a lot of gothindustrial regalia anymore, but I am similarly tempted.

          3. gldngrrl June 28, 2010 at 9:11 pm

            Goth regalia… that’s funny….

            Saw a ton of that at the Pride Parade.

          4. admin June 28, 2010 at 9:16 pm

            It’s fun for a lark but I can’t dedicate myself to it the way that the SeaGoths do.

  4. tbass June 28, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    We commonly refer to rodizio style places as “the meat orgy” so I’m glad we’re not the only ones. So delicious.

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:29 pm

      I really think it’s an apt way of describing it! At what other time and place BUT a meat orgy would you have that many different kinds of meat at once? Innuendo aside?

    2. morlith June 29, 2010 at 2:50 am

      Yup. We call it “The Meat Faucet” over here.

      1. admin June 29, 2010 at 7:52 pm

        I’m not sure the phrase ‘meat faucet’ is one I find appealing.

  5. electriclime June 28, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    That sounds like a restaurant MADE for Tobie

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:28 pm

      I know, right? Tristan and I were talking about going back, and a little bell dinged in my head to let me know that I would need to drag Tobie there. πŸ™‚

      1. electriclime June 28, 2010 at 8:35 pm

        He is an eating machine. He takes his food intake seriously!!!

  6. gldngrrl June 28, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    I need to go there one more time before my Lapband.

    There are many overindulging experiences I need to get in before surgery.

    I can still do places like that, only I will only be able to eat 1/2 cup of food, so I’d never get my money’s worth. It’d be a tragic waste.

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 9:18 pm

      Yeah, at 1/2c you certainly would not get your money’s worth, even if you went for lunch and only got the most expensive meats. :\

      What other overindulging experiences are on your list?

  7. doctoreon June 28, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    My favorite restaurant is the same way. I love me some Fogo de Chao. You get drunk with meat and can possibly go into a meat coma.

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 9:55 pm

      Mmmmmm, meat coma…

  8. frosty_pickle June 28, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    I would totally drink meatballs if I could have them that way. πŸ™‚

    1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:06 pm

      Maybe if they were particularly tiny meatballs?

      1. frosty_pickle June 28, 2010 at 8:12 pm

        Maybe a meatball smoothie? O_o

        1. admin June 28, 2010 at 8:13 pm

          I don’t know that I would enjoy that, but feel free to experiment and report back!

          1. frosty_pickle June 28, 2010 at 8:19 pm

            You’re tempting me! And I don’t have a blender! :O

        2. scearley June 28, 2010 at 8:14 pm

          Bubble Tea.

  9. ladybutterfly74 June 29, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Oh I love rodizios – we haven’t gone recently…. we just might have to do that soon. πŸ˜‰

    1. admin June 29, 2010 at 5:52 pm

      It’s things like rodizio that make me oh so happy and yet kind of guilty for my gluttony at the same time.

  10. 1_rhiannon_1 June 29, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    How is that that I had never heard of rodizio before this post? That is wrong of me! O_O

    1. admin June 29, 2010 at 7:53 pm

      This is what LJ is for, spreading the word about gluttony opportunities!

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