I got me 100GB of ram, I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam

30 Comments read Everything is Terrible

I just received this email on myspace this morning:

hi you want to chat how is the date site going for you sunshine you got a man

Good morning ? I am local and i am looking for me self a hopeful. You fine i want to make you mine. OK hit me up with some info so we can get close what do you need to know about me ? OK here check the info ,A small adjustment in your approach can make a big difference in your results. Explore your alternatives and you’ll discover a path to improved performance. Sometimes, doing a task at a different time of the day can cause a major improvement in your effectiveness. Or perhaps doing things in a slightly different sequence will make the rewards more rewarding. If you’re already getting it ninety-nine percent right, work on that other one percent. It can make all the difference in the world. No failure is permanent and no failure is a complete failure. Learn from the portion of the effort that went wrong, change it, and recombine it with the part that went right. Rarely is it necessary to throw out everything you’re doing. Instead, look for ways to fine-tune your efforts until you get the results you desire.

Be curious, be objective, be creative and be flexible. A little bit of change can put you over the top.

Hit me do not miss me i want to get it going on with you ok ?

WUT.

If it’s spam, I *really* don’t get it. No links to porn sites, nada.

Then just now, I got this from one of my long-distance coworkers in preparation for an upcoming conference call:

I pretty much can’t tell which one is worse.

Also, an intertubes website just emailed me to spoil what my Cthulhumas gift from my mom is this year by letting ME know exactly what it is, and also that it’s on backorder.

This is technology, working for me!

The Napoleon Complex

2 Comments read Uncategorized

If anyone at my apartment complex was looking out their window just now, they were sure to have a laugh.

I was out walking Napoleon, when all off a sudden a fluffy lapdog leaped out of the bushes and started yapping furiously. Napoleon, of course, wanted to eat him which I, in good conscience, could not allow, so I started to jog off, dragging him reluctantly. This tiny puffball dog, oblivious of the threat to his wee existence, began to chase us. But his legs were so short, he couldn’t get anywhere near us. So every few steps, I turned back and scolded him and told him to go home, while laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation, because this dog was seriously a cotton ball with tiny legs who thought he was a Terminator.

None of the neighbors would’ve known I was dragging Napoleon away to keep him from injuring the other dog, so anyone looking out the window would’ve thought we were running away in fear of the world’s fluffiest dog.