Way back in the days of Myspace, I made a friend who called himself “The King of Rad”–he added me because he wanted a robot in his top ten friends list, and in return, he wrote a song about me. And now I’ve discovered that there’s a video!
This is the happiest day of my robot life!
First there was chocolate. Then came nuts and caramel. Now there’s a plethora of new and interesting flavors to help chocolatiers stand out from the crowd. Here’s a trio on which you may now pass judgment.
Milk chocolate with kettle chips: a little bit salty, a little bit sweet, I imagine the people who wouldn’t try this one are chocolate purists and potato haters.
Pros: Chocolate, chips, salt to cut the sweet, sweet to cut the salt Cons: Carbs in your carbs
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Now for a slightly more complex flavor: dark chocolate with chipotle, salt, and popping candy.
Pros: You can eat this and pretend to be heart healthy as it’s dark chocolate! Plus it seems like a natural finisher for a meal from chipotle, right? Cons: Maybe too much going on at once with the bitter, salt, hot, AND popping. I have already determined that chocolate covered pop rocks are not good.
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Last in our tour of the land of chocolate is the chicken tikka masala chocolate bar. Knowing that you couldn’t be satisfied with the mere essence of chicken, like the chicken and waffles syrup folks, this chocolate bar features real chunks of freeze-dried chicken.
Pros: It’s dessert, but it’s also a meal! Cons: I’m not sure that I need the extra dimension of stringy chicken to make my chocolate more delicious.
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On our first day in San Diego, we had some free time in the afternoon, so we decided to pay a visit to Old Town to see what life in Ye Olde San Diego was like: as it turns out, it was full of gift shops and booze, so I don’t know why historians keep going on and on about how tough things were for settlers. No, there wasn’t a churro stand on EVERY corner, but that’s really less a hardship and more of a motivation to walk the twenty or so steps to the next one.
A child’s fantasy? What with the horrorshow rusted marionettes, I was thinking more along the lines of “A Child’s Nightmare”.
Near one of the churro stands, we saw the “Old Town House of Jerky & Root Beer”, which is what I will assume that settlers ate and drank exclusively when they weren’t busy cramming tubes of cinnamon-sugared fried dough into their face holes. I believe in authentic experiences, so I was definitely game to sample their wares. Upon entry, the twenty-something year old shopkeep eyeballed us, gave us a knowing smile, and said “You guys are nerds, aren’t you? I can just tell, there aren’t a lot of nerds around here.” Well, yes, Jason was wearing a Green Lantern shirt, but I still feel that “nerd” is a strong word from someone dressed in full 1820s regalia. 
It was a particularly educational day to visit the donkeys as they were less in a “Let’s teach people about history” mood and more in a “Let’s have state-protected donkey sex through the gate that separates us” mood. It was also educational to hear how parents explained donkey business to their children. We thought about panning for gold, but figured we’d have better luck for the same money panning out of a bottle of Goldschläger, and, as a bonus, we’d smell minty-fresh afterward.
The whole time we were in Old Town, Jason talked up his candle-dipping prowess, bragging about how he’d received an award in elementary school for “best candle” and that when he burned it, it brought peace to warring nations and appears next to the word “beauty” in some of the world’s finer illustrated encyclopedias. But when we got to the candle dipping shop, he utterly refused to defend his title in the Candle Dipping Battle of the Century, so I feel like he may have exaggerated his skills somewhat. Unfortunately, I’ll never know.