Mikey, he likes it!

On the only truly sunny, gorgeous day we’ve had this year, a group of attractive people met at Family Fun Center in Tukwila for Mike’s Pretty Pretty Princess Birthday Party.

Family Fun Center translates directly into “Could be a lot more fun with less screaming children and slow-moving families but they are cash cows so it’s never gonna happen unless you are loaded enough to rent out the entire building, suckas!”

…We were not loaded enough to rent the entire building. The building itself is very high-ceilinged, the better to reverberate the sorts of shouts and squeals and screams that children are prone to making, particularly little girls and the eardrum-damaging shriek they make when they are overstimulated. I swear that when we approached Family Fun Center, I could watch the building thrum from the noise inside. Hence, we did not spend all that much time inside.


We started off with minigolf. Minigolf, if you are unaware, is a game about putting mastery, taking the ball to the hole, not rimming the hole, but putting it in. It’s also about innuendo, smacking friends with golf clubs, whacking other people’s ball out of the way if at all possible, and riding said golf clubs like ponies through the brush. It also features some “obsticles”.


Some of those “obsticles” included ramps into old-timey prospector cabins, an employee who kept wandering through the middle of our game, and a hole filled with mysterious slimy water.






After we finished our game, we bravely ventured inside to play some laser tag. The majority of our group ended up on one team. The other team was comprised of eight year old girls, who were seriously not cut out for the business of war. One of them dropped her gun and ran shrieking; guns are attached to the vest, so it skittered behind her, which only served to make her shriek and run faster as it knocked into the backs of her legs while her vest informed her she was being killed over and over again.

Laser tag was fun, though I wish that we would have had a little more time to play–it didn’t seem that we got a whole lot of time for what we paid. I also think it could be even more fun ramped up a notch for adults. Perhaps not as painfully extreme as taser tag, but what if every time you died, you took what felt like a punch to the gut? What if you had to take a shot every time you hit the recharge station? These are ideas that I feel need to be revisited with a business license and some money behind them.

After laser tag, I discovered that the skeeball machine would not accept my prepaid family fun center card and would require me to pump more money into the place which I was not about to do, so I made my way out to the batting cages.


We (read: not me because I am uncoordinated and would certainly hit myself in the face with a bat) knocked the hell out of some balls, and then it was time for go-karts. Also known as Exxtreeeeeme Danger Karts.


To my great shame, I skidded around corners so poorly that Chris was able to pass me; I am clearly not cut out for the world of Exxtreeeeeme Danger Driving.

After go-karts, we’d all had enough and gorged ourselves at Famous Dave’s BBQ. I badgered the waitress to bring Pretty Pretty Princess Mike some dessert, but much to my chagrin, they don’t sing or dance or make a public fuss over him like I’d hoped.


Happy Birthday, Sir Dorks A Lot!

45 Comments Mikey, he likes it!

  1. notlostonme June 21, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Oh fuck I am DYING at SparkleDongMike. YOU WINNNNNNNNNNN!

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 7:13 pm

      I laughed so hard while sparklizing it that I thought I might black out.

      1. notlostonme June 21, 2010 at 7:29 pm

        No kidding. I am still cracking up at my desk. Oh it’s so good.

        And I look so MEAN AND PURPOSEFUL in my batting helmet.

        1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:23 pm

          You look like you are going show some balls who’s the boss around he-yeah!

          This is a little less MEAN AND PURPOSEFUL.

  2. entropic_system June 21, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    If by “dork” you mean “awesome!!!!(exclamation point)!!!!”

    hmmmm….that picture needs more bling.

    …and to be an icon.

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 7:18 pm

      I could bling it a little more. Would you like fake eyelashes? Glitter lips? A beard made of kittens? These are things I can do for you!

        1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:06 pm

          Holy shit, this just took a stop-off in Terror Town.

          1. entropic_system June 21, 2010 at 8:14 pm

            dear. sweet. lord.

            It’s melzahnificant.

          2. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:28 pm

            I had difficulty deciding if you were a pink or a purple or a red lips kind of guy.

          3. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:44 pm

            I decided pink would best suit your pretty pretty pink eyes.

          4. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:46 pm

            Not in this picture!

          5. lilysnape June 21, 2010 at 9:09 pm

            I won’t be sleeping tonight…thanks!! D:

          6. admin June 21, 2010 at 9:12 pm

            But it’s a beard! Made of kittens!

  3. xeross609 June 21, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    “whacking other people’s ball out of the way if at all possible,”


    p.s. Glitter mike is awesome

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 7:23 pm

      Hey, I almost knocked yours in, that one time!

      1. xeross609 June 21, 2010 at 7:59 pm

        that’s what she said…

        I totally forgot about that one, you are right, definitely made up for the first hole when I got hit away from the hole TWICE! :p

        1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:08 pm

          It wasn’t me BOTH times on the first hole, was it?

          1. xeross609 June 21, 2010 at 8:17 pm

            Hah nope. I think it was you first then ashley.

    2. vurumai June 21, 2010 at 7:40 pm

      Shite. Mike makes glitter awesome.

  4. vurumai June 21, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    That was an awesome day. Love the write up.

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:27 pm

      I was thinking we need to get people together for blacklight mini-golf. I’ve got blacklight reactive makeup, we could paint everyone up and take over the Supermall!

      1. vurumai June 21, 2010 at 8:28 pm

        Oh this is gonna happen.

        Clothing optional?

        1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:29 pm

          Since this is in public, I’m thinking clothing is sadly mandatory.

          1. vurumai June 21, 2010 at 8:30 pm

            Banana hammock it is!

          2. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:35 pm

            Ooooooh baby!

      2. xeross609 June 21, 2010 at 8:33 pm

        Highlighters work too… Just do it in an area with good ventilation.

        Unless you want a gigglefest 2k10. I learned this the hard way XD

        1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:35 pm

          Plus bonus brain damage?

          1. xeross609 June 21, 2010 at 9:22 pm

            pretty sure that is what caused the giggle fest in the first place 😮

          2. admin June 21, 2010 at 10:08 pm

            And direct skin contact with those chemicals may not be a good idea. I think I will stick to the UV-reactive pigments!

          3. xeross609 June 21, 2010 at 10:27 pm

            hah! It washed off… after scrubbing for a good hour, in places I really wish I hadn’t drawn on myself at that point.

            Ok ok, so highlighters are a really bad idea, totally made sense in collage at the age of 19.

  5. gldngrrl June 21, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    Obsticles makes me think of testicles.

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:39 pm

      Me, too!

  6. doctoreon June 21, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    omg, taser tag sounds like it would be fun. Ok, maybe not like police-level tasers, but like that stupid electroshock machine on Main Street at Disney Land. Like, You’re-Really-Gonna-Feel-This Taser Tag would be awesome.

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:40 pm

      Low-level shocks would be pretty awesome but I wonder if shocking at all would put the business at more risk of killing people via heart attacks.

      1. doctoreon June 21, 2010 at 8:44 pm

        Well, sure it would, but that’s kind of what would make it exciting. Because, what if you’re the one?! SWEET!

        1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:45 pm

          Yeah, but I imagine lawsuits would get expensive. No waiver of liability is completely bulletproof.

          1. doctoreon June 21, 2010 at 8:47 pm

            Lawyers do take the fun out of all kinds of stuff, don’t they?

  7. amazoni June 21, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    As the center ages, I understand the “obsticles” get lower.

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 8:43 pm

      Eventually, they’re so low, they’re all hanging out in mysteriously slimy water.

  8. lightningflash June 21, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    Good times that day.
    Better times with Sparkle!Mike. He would take Edward and the Cullens DOWN.

    1. admin June 21, 2010 at 9:03 pm

      No shit, right? Even PerfectSparkleEdward can’t shoot a goddamned rainbow out of his mouth!

Comments are closed.