Kent Cage Match: Napoleon Vs Unicorn

LADIES and GENTLEMEN, do we ever have a spectacle for you today! It’s a royal rumble in downtown Kent, a battle so ferocious that pregnant women and people with heart conditions aren’t allowed within twenty miles, a spectacle so spectacular that we’ve sold you the whole seat, but all you need is the edge.

In the first corner in the white trunks, our defending CHAMP-EEN and UNDEFEATED CONTENDER in his weight class and a class above, the Tyke with Bite, floating like a butterfly and peeing on a tree…..NAPOLEON RAYGUN!


In the second corner in the pink trunks, folks, is our challenger. Raised on the mean streets of Hong Kong, this scrappy newcomer stowed away on a freighter bound for Tacoma and the good life, a MYTHICAL CREATURE with NOTHING TO LOSE, found homeless and hungry in a nearby WinCo with a CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER, a HATRED for our bourgeoise society, and a WILLINGNESS TO FIGHT FOR A CHANCE FOR SHELTER….THE UNICORN!


Now, touch gloves and come out fighting–LET’S GET READY TO RUUUUMMMMBLLLLLLEEEEE!

Some fights don’t last longer than two rounds, folks. No refunds. Guess you could say he tore ‘im a new asshole, eh? EH?

14 Comments Kent Cage Match: Napoleon Vs Unicorn

  1. dslartoo January 20, 2008 at 9:12 pm


    (seriously, what the hell did you do, fill the unicorn with STEAK? Napoleon looks like he’s on a serious MISSION OF HURT.)


    1. admin January 20, 2008 at 9:42 pm

      I wasn’t sure whether this would be a glorious, hilarious battle, or if Napoleon would fall in love with it and use it as a pillow. I should’ve known better–this dog practically has ‘seek and destroy’ mode for stuffed animals. While I wish his toys would last longer, it’s nice to know that he will protect me from Door to Door Furries.

  2. cleverusername2 January 20, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    I hadn’t seen the Reno 911 parody before, very funny. That shit is tight.

    1. admin January 20, 2008 at 9:43 pm

      Thank you!

  3. lemur68 January 21, 2008 at 1:13 am

    ahaha look at the tail he is so happy

    1. admin January 21, 2008 at 5:09 pm

      Imagine how fast his tail would be wiggling if I set him on some furries!

  4. pretzelcoatl January 21, 2008 at 1:21 am

    Unicorn blood = nutritious addition to any puppy’s diet.

    1. admin January 21, 2008 at 5:04 pm

      Although according to the Harry Potter-verse, he’s totally damned for drinking it.

  5. designess January 21, 2008 at 4:42 am

    What is it with terrier dogs and tearing the butt out of things?!?!

    Looks like he was having lots of fun!!!

    1. admin January 21, 2008 at 5:07 pm

      This dog always goes for the butt. My last jack russell was an expert at finding the seams/weak points on any stuffed toy and he’d meticulously rip at that one area–neither one of them have stuffed animals that last more than a few minutes.

      My grandparents dog, she would always rip the eyes and nose off of her teddy bears, but the bear itself would remain intact. Dogs are silly!

  6. benzarius January 20, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    OMG so cute.

    You should take him to Sakura Con. He would be in Furry killer heaven.

    1. admin January 21, 2008 at 5:03 pm

      That is a FANTASTIC IDEA. I really need to help my dog do his job–culling and controlling the Furry population.

  7. benzarius January 21, 2008 at 3:02 am

    Yah. ’tis.

    And here I thought I was the only person who remembered that show.

  8. gray_jedi January 22, 2008 at 2:45 am

    TOO FUNNY! But I bet he had a great time.

    My mom’s dogs (American Eskimos) are also experts at toy destruction – they especially enjoy removing the squeakers from any and all squeaky toys. She looked up breed info on Eskies, and kept finding notes like “need a lot of toys.” She thought it was because they liked to play a lot.. no, they just tear them to shreds. 🙂

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