Yesterday, Jim and Anne picked me up to go watch the Packers-Steelers game. Before the game, I suited myself in shame:
I should probably have a jersey or a team shirt or something other than this child-size Judas jersey for watching games in public. Brett Favre, you continue to complicate my life!
Anne is a big Steeler fan and we wondered if we could watch the game without it ending in a shirt-tearing sexy mud-wrestling match.
I’m proud to announce that we both remained adults throughout the course of the very close game, unlike one Bar Douchebag who clearly felt that the players could hear his shouts of “MOVE IT,FATASS!”
Overserious chinless douchebag is overserious. I asked the waitress if I could buy him either an instant vomit shot or something that would knock him out and shut him up, and she was disinclined to grant my request, but told me if I thought he was loud NOW, I should wait and see him when he’s got a pitcher in front of him. 😐
Other than prairie fire shots, I HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE. Like this, the job I am completely and totally qualified for:
After the game (sniff), we went to Laughs for their cookie exchange/white elephant/christmas party. Jim covered me, cookie-wise (everyone was supposed to bring two dozen, and I was otherwise indisposed on Saturday) and that’s good since even though the idea was people were supposed to go home with about the same number of cookies they came with, a couple of people practically Hoovered up the tables and I would be POd if I had invested baking time for zero returns. Not that I need two dozen cookies hanging around Casa Dildarian, I’m really just standing on principle and shouting “MOVE IT, FATASS!”
For my white elephant gift, I decided that it was time to pass on my magic presidential plate investment as it had appreciated just about as much as it was going to in my safe-deposit closet, and something as gold as this was meant to be treasured by more than one person. The little girl who opened it clearly realized it was a magic plate and spent the remainder of the evening with it clasped to her chest in a ferocious hug. In exchange for the magic plate, I got some cocoa, which means there’s one less item I have to drag home from the grocery store. Everyone wins!
I can’t imagine a bigger letdown than this lack of shirt-ripping mud rasslin’.
If I find a proper shirt-ripping mud rasslin’ venue, that may be this year’s birthday party theme.
I’m in. I have ref training from the Intercontinental North American Mud and Jello Wrestling Federation.
Are you willing to wear a stripey ref outfit?
The INAM&JWF requires refs to wear stripey speedos.
Can we mandate the inclusion of an extra-large novelty whistle?
And here I thought you’d say hat that looks like one the Grand Poobah of the Loyal Order of Water Buffalo would wear.
That, too! Dive fins are optional.
My auntie hosted a cookie exchange once, and two of the attendees — auntie’s friend and the friend’s friend — totally cheated by HEAPING up their snack plates with extra cookies before the actual divvying up, and boy, did THAT go over like a lead balloon.
Say, in other news, how would you and the other Ladies What Like Shootin’ At Stuff like to be instructed in the fine art of blasting at shit by a real, honest-to-Pete US Army drill instructor? ‘Cause I got this hot dude I met who offered to teach us. 😉
What kills me about the cookies in particular (kills is much-too-strong word) is that one of the ladies there made a big fuss about only being able to have diet foods and not being able to eat this or that cookie but then wiped out the table. One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong!
ooooooh, I’m in! Is Mr Hot US Army Drill Instructor going to teach YOU some discipline? 😀
Bitch was just trying to eliminate doing her own damn baking for her family.
I sure as hell HOPE he’ll try at least! I’m sure I’m a lost cause anyhow.
You’re probably right, which is extra heinous. Don’t want to bake for your family? Don’t have em over or buy some GD cookies, don’t rip off a whole room of people, ya lazy twat!
You may, in fact, break him as I am not quite certain you can be taught discipline. Where did you meet him?
It’s a secret. 😉
ಠ_ಠ
Imagine the worst scenario possible, and it’s probably not as bad as the truth.
ಠ_ಠ
Or maybe I’m just lying. 😛
you were leaving the police station while he was being hauled in for dismembering a child.
*points downward*
*or upward, as the case may be*
I was thinking she was caught smuggling in baby elephants for the sex trade and he was trying to poach them.
And if worse comes to worse, you could just write “Fuck you god” all over it. THAT would get ratings!
Cripes, you KNOW I can’t resist this sort of thing.
I could not have watched that game with you without it ending in mud wrestling. Although I have nothing against the Packers, after five losses, I was a bit frustrated.
I guess I’ll have to keep the mud waiting for your return, then.
lol@”Judas Jersey”
The football gods weren’t completely against us tho, since Minnesota got a thorough pounding. I would love it if the Eagles rose up to the #2 seed. If it weren’t for all that Xmas stuff I have to do this weekend I’d be spending ~10hrs in front of my TV on Sunday.
I know, the end of this regular season is getting really interesting! 😀
What are you doing for christmas that you can’t watch the games?
We’re doing Xmas with my mom’s side on the 27th. Holidays in my family are getting increasingly complicated, with all the stepfamilies and in-laws, so my mom decided to be awesome and do Xmas with her side on an off day.
Next year the husband unit and I are going to attempt to visit his mom over the holidays as well…. (how much crap can I cram into a two-week period? I guess we’ll find out)
And apparently I’ve forgotten how to sign in. That ^^^ was me