Chubby Chasers Anonymous

On Saturday, Amy and I got dressed up (her moreso than me) and went out as we were both getting a little stir-crazy from the holiday. That is what we do–we get dressed up to go out to the same old bar and hang out with the same old people. It’s like home away from home.

Except this time. This time, there were a couple of really hot guys there. A couple of really hot guys who invited us back to their place. And we agreed.

Picture this, if you can deal with the lingering burn on the inside of your retinas: at some point later in the evening, I am making out with pretty much the hottest guy I have ever laid lips on. Things are going fabulously until, all of a sudden, he grabs my fat and says it turns him on.

…Let’s hear that again.

HE GRABBED MY FAT AND SAID IT TURNED HIM ON.

I pulled what has got to be the most horrified face in the history of mankind because, while I am ok with myself naked (I don’t shatter mirrors), the fat is NOT an attractant, and is, in fact, something I pride myself on keeping covered with clothing.

HE GRABBED MY FAT AND SAID IT TURNED HIM ON.

The worst part is that Amy was still…busy, so I couldn’t leave.

Gross. GROSS.

264 Comments Chubby Chasers Anonymous

  1. princessgeek November 26, 2007 at 7:53 pm

    Have you ever had a guy grab your fat and think it was your boob?
    Do you tell ’em?

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 7:59 pm

      That has not happened to me, thank Cthulhu. But I would tell a guy if he did, because if we can LAUGH about it and then move on, we’ll both get something out of future endeavors. If a dude is grabbing my fat, all I get is humiliation.

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 7:59 pm

      That has not happened to me, thank Cthulhu. But I would tell a guy if he did, because if we can LAUGH about it and then move on, we’ll both get something out of future endeavors. If a dude is grabbing my fat, all I get is humiliation.

  2. princessgeek November 26, 2007 at 7:53 pm

    Have you ever had a guy grab your fat and think it was your boob?
    Do you tell ’em?

  3. shadowstitch November 26, 2007 at 7:54 pm

    …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

    I dunno, that kinda sounds like an awesome bonus to me.
    It’s like “Hell Yeah, Then I’ll have more French Toast.”

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:04 pm

      Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

      If a guy was cool with it or even dug it for some reason, I’m fine with that. I don’t feel like I’ve properly conveyed this encounter, in that he treated me more like an animal or a novelty or anything other than a human being.

      1. shadowstitch November 26, 2007 at 8:19 pm

        Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

        Hmm… I guess I don’t understand the nuances of the issue.

        I know that if for some reason I had met some girl with a character trait I was attracted to, and we had like, just met and were suddenly more concerned with rounding the bases than getting to know each other better… what else are you going to talk about? I mean, you just met in a bar, and with the hormones raging obviously there’s going to be a certain level of shallow objectification. πŸ˜‰

        The same also goes for if I’d been picked up somewhere and taken away for making-out and the attractive girl I was with noted that she liked something I consider unattractive about myself… Well, she doesn’t know me very well at that point, but someone who considers my faults attractive either indicates a warped sense of judgement on their part, or an excellent win on mine.

        Besides there are plenty of physical attributes I’ve been attracted to that the object of my affection disliked about herself terribly, so…I dunno. I guess I don’t get it. Oh well.

        “Sure, you might like that about me now, but just wait darling; you don’t know anything about my other glaring faults.”

        1. gehn November 26, 2007 at 9:43 pm

          Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

          IAWTC.

          1. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:53 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            See below, pls, for my take on it.

          2. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:53 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            See below, pls, for my take on it.

        2. gehn November 26, 2007 at 9:43 pm

          Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

          IAWTC.

        3. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:55 pm

          Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

          I can see what you’re getting at, and I understand what you’re saying–I don’t expect for some random bar pick-up to be like “OMG your calculus skills are teh_seXay”, but at the same time, when he zoomed in on the thing I am MOST self-conscious about and talked about it in a moment when I am also feeling particularly vulnerable, it was humiliating to me because it felt like he was making fun of me. Does that make sense?

          1. gehn November 26, 2007 at 11:22 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            I, also, AWTC.

            If his intent was “hey baby you turn me on”, he certainly could have done so in a less-demeaning way.

            Then again, being a guy, he probably just wasn’t too sure how to say “hey baby you turn me on” in the right way, and thought he was being sexy instead of an ass.

          2. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:49 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            It’s not like this was a 20 year old guy, though–he’s been married. You’d think he’d figured out how to not be an ass at least ONCE!

          3. pandemoniachick November 27, 2007 at 9:38 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            If he’s not married anymore, then it sort of speaks for itself.

          4. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:41 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            After nine years of fat-grabbing, she just couldn’t take it anymore!

            …:shudder:

          5. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:41 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            After nine years of fat-grabbing, she just couldn’t take it anymore!

            …:shudder:

          6. pandemoniachick November 27, 2007 at 9:38 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            If he’s not married anymore, then it sort of speaks for itself.

          7. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:49 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            It’s not like this was a 20 year old guy, though–he’s been married. You’d think he’d figured out how to not be an ass at least ONCE!

          8. kindofstrange November 29, 2007 at 6:51 am

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            Another example:

            ‘Oh man, I love guys with dicks like this! I can fit the whole thing in my mouth at once!’… while holding a guy’s mini-weenie. ‘Oh, god baby, your mini-wang is seriously turning me on!’

            Sure, it’s nice that someone is attracted to that particular part of oneself, but the way they approach what may be an insecurity inducing topic says a lot about their personality.

          9. kindofstrange November 29, 2007 at 6:51 am

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            Another example:

            ‘Oh man, I love guys with dicks like this! I can fit the whole thing in my mouth at once!’… while holding a guy’s mini-weenie. ‘Oh, god baby, your mini-wang is seriously turning me on!’

            Sure, it’s nice that someone is attracted to that particular part of oneself, but the way they approach what may be an insecurity inducing topic says a lot about their personality.

          10. gehn November 26, 2007 at 11:22 pm

            Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

            I, also, AWTC.

            If his intent was “hey baby you turn me on”, he certainly could have done so in a less-demeaning way.

            Then again, being a guy, he probably just wasn’t too sure how to say “hey baby you turn me on” in the right way, and thought he was being sexy instead of an ass.

        4. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:55 pm

          Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

          I can see what you’re getting at, and I understand what you’re saying–I don’t expect for some random bar pick-up to be like “OMG your calculus skills are teh_seXay”, but at the same time, when he zoomed in on the thing I am MOST self-conscious about and talked about it in a moment when I am also feeling particularly vulnerable, it was humiliating to me because it felt like he was making fun of me. Does that make sense?

      2. shadowstitch November 26, 2007 at 8:19 pm

        Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

        Hmm… I guess I don’t understand the nuances of the issue.

        I know that if for some reason I had met some girl with a character trait I was attracted to, and we had like, just met and were suddenly more concerned with rounding the bases than getting to know each other better… what else are you going to talk about? I mean, you just met in a bar, and with the hormones raging obviously there’s going to be a certain level of shallow objectification. πŸ˜‰

        The same also goes for if I’d been picked up somewhere and taken away for making-out and the attractive girl I was with noted that she liked something I consider unattractive about myself… Well, she doesn’t know me very well at that point, but someone who considers my faults attractive either indicates a warped sense of judgement on their part, or an excellent win on mine.

        Besides there are plenty of physical attributes I’ve been attracted to that the object of my affection disliked about herself terribly, so…I dunno. I guess I don’t get it. Oh well.

        “Sure, you might like that about me now, but just wait darling; you don’t know anything about my other glaring faults.”

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:04 pm

      Re: …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

      If a guy was cool with it or even dug it for some reason, I’m fine with that. I don’t feel like I’ve properly conveyed this encounter, in that he treated me more like an animal or a novelty or anything other than a human being.

  4. shadowstitch November 26, 2007 at 7:54 pm

    …Reminds me of Girls Saurus…

    I dunno, that kinda sounds like an awesome bonus to me.
    It’s like “Hell Yeah, Then I’ll have more French Toast.”

  5. designess November 26, 2007 at 8:02 pm

    Maybe it was a clumsy way of saying that it didn’t matter that you have some extree around the edges? Some guys like their girls curvy! But still, I can understand the horror.

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:05 pm

      There was also some whispering of ‘You’re a BIG GIRL’ ‘You’re a LOT OF WOMAN’ and it just made me feel sad and ashamed, not sexy at all.

      1. designess November 26, 2007 at 8:13 pm

        Ack – yeah that would take away the mood quickly!

        1. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:20 pm

          Especially since I’m NOT THAT GODDAMN BIG. Sure, I’m not thin, but I can still shop in regular stores in the NORMAL SECTION and even the Juniors’ section without a problem. So all of this whispering I feel was disproportionate to who I actually am, y’know?

          How are things looking re: your move back to Michigan, btw?

          1. designess November 27, 2007 at 8:46 pm

            Very good, I had an interview this morning that may bring us home.

            An no, you aren’t that big at all. I think he is creep!

          2. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:03 pm

            Rockin! It sounds like you’ve missed your family a lot, I’m sure it’ll be nice to go back, and especially nice to have everyone around once you’re expecting. πŸ™‚

          3. designess November 27, 2007 at 9:40 pm

            Yeah – but the west coast will definitley be hard to leave. You know how different it is here.

          4. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:48 pm

            Definitely. Even though I love many people in Wisconsin, I would find it hard to go back; life is very different there.

            It seems to me that there isn’t any one place that’s just right…if there are job opportunities, then maybe the cost of living is enormous. If the cost of living is low, maybe something else is lacking. It’s all about picking the things that are most important to you and damning the torpedoes rest.

          5. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:48 pm

            Definitely. Even though I love many people in Wisconsin, I would find it hard to go back; life is very different there.

            It seems to me that there isn’t any one place that’s just right…if there are job opportunities, then maybe the cost of living is enormous. If the cost of living is low, maybe something else is lacking. It’s all about picking the things that are most important to you and damning the torpedoes rest.

          6. designess November 27, 2007 at 9:40 pm

            Yeah – but the west coast will definitley be hard to leave. You know how different it is here.

          7. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:03 pm

            Rockin! It sounds like you’ve missed your family a lot, I’m sure it’ll be nice to go back, and especially nice to have everyone around once you’re expecting. πŸ™‚

          8. kindofstrange November 28, 2007 at 10:35 pm

            Ooo, MI. Where at? I used to live up in Romeo. πŸ™‚

          9. kindofstrange November 28, 2007 at 10:35 pm

            Ooo, MI. Where at? I used to live up in Romeo. πŸ™‚

          10. designess November 27, 2007 at 8:46 pm

            Very good, I had an interview this morning that may bring us home.

            An no, you aren’t that big at all. I think he is creep!

        2. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:20 pm

          Especially since I’m NOT THAT GODDAMN BIG. Sure, I’m not thin, but I can still shop in regular stores in the NORMAL SECTION and even the Juniors’ section without a problem. So all of this whispering I feel was disproportionate to who I actually am, y’know?

          How are things looking re: your move back to Michigan, btw?

      2. designess November 26, 2007 at 8:13 pm

        Ack – yeah that would take away the mood quickly!

      3. suspiciouskay November 27, 2007 at 3:32 am

        WUT

        *jaw drops, hits floor, and rolls away*

        O_o

        That guy was a BIG ASSFACE, and a LOT OF WTF.

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:35 am

          Re: WUT

          I think maybe because it was sexy to him, he couldn’t comprehend why it wouldn’t be sexy to anyone else. :\

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:35 am

          Re: WUT

          I think maybe because it was sexy to him, he couldn’t comprehend why it wouldn’t be sexy to anyone else. :\

      4. suspiciouskay November 27, 2007 at 3:32 am

        WUT

        *jaw drops, hits floor, and rolls away*

        O_o

        That guy was a BIG ASSFACE, and a LOT OF WTF.

      5. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:03 pm

        You did NOT tell me this part.

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:31 pm

          There is only so much detail I’m willing to get into on a facebook wall post. I don’t want Italy Michael to be like “HAR HAR FATTY IS SAD”.

          1. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:47 pm

            I think he is a little self absorbed for that, and he’s never even met you, that is not his style. Whereas with me, I am sure those are the EXACT words he used after he dumped my fat ass.

            PS- It’s not like you can’t call me. I HAVE A RING TONE FOR YOU NOW. I WILL MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO BRUSH THE CHEESY POOF CRUMBS OFF MY CHEST AND WADDLE TO THE PHONE.

          2. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:00 pm

            No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            He was more of an example of how I do not want my shame necessarily spread far and wide across the internets while the wounds are still open.

            You’re right, I could indeed call you AND PERHAPS I SHALL later today.

          3. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:04 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            Maaaaam! Kitty’s bein’ a dildo!

            I know a Kitty Kitty who is sleeping with mommy tonight!

          4. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:26 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            Maam, were you in schiese porn?

            I just emailed Ben my #. You owe me a dollar. Prepare for a three-way call, baby.

          5. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:27 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            ::whale surfacing::

            i am so flippin’ excited.

          6. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:34 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            I need recording equipment because I am SURE we’ll want to giggle about this later.

          7. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:34 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            not just us

            THE WHOLE WORLD.

          8. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:39 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            I’m a serene buddhist monk taoist who wants an angel and a badass devil mudwrestling tattooed on my back. Maybe my girlfriend could pay for it. Bitch doesn’t bring home NEARLY enough tacos!

          9. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:40 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            oh man, you are ruthless.

            did you ever know that you’re my hero?

          10. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:52 pm

            I am the wind beneath your wings

            Hi, I’m Ben. All I’m asking you to do is to give up your entire life and future, move away from your family and friends and be entirely dependent on me while I play around at being a grad student even though it’s impossible I’ve advanced this far in my academic career without ever once hearing about a spell-checker. THEN, you can bring my child into the world, and I’ll have a tender moment telling my sister all about it (ignore the moans and groans on both ends, that’s just brotherly-sisterly bondage BONDING, that is what I meant to say, BONDING.) Also, can you get a job and support me? CHRIST, BUDDHA AND THE DALAI LAMA, my life is hard and you’re not making it easier. Couldn’t you work a little harder?

          11. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:52 pm

            I am the wind beneath your wings

            Hi, I’m Ben. All I’m asking you to do is to give up your entire life and future, move away from your family and friends and be entirely dependent on me while I play around at being a grad student even though it’s impossible I’ve advanced this far in my academic career without ever once hearing about a spell-checker. THEN, you can bring my child into the world, and I’ll have a tender moment telling my sister all about it (ignore the moans and groans on both ends, that’s just brotherly-sisterly bondage BONDING, that is what I meant to say, BONDING.) Also, can you get a job and support me? CHRIST, BUDDHA AND THE DALAI LAMA, my life is hard and you’re not making it easier. Couldn’t you work a little harder?

          12. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:40 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            oh man, you are ruthless.

            did you ever know that you’re my hero?

          13. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:39 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            I’m a serene buddhist monk taoist who wants an angel and a badass devil mudwrestling tattooed on my back. Maybe my girlfriend could pay for it. Bitch doesn’t bring home NEARLY enough tacos!

          14. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:34 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            not just us

            THE WHOLE WORLD.

          15. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:34 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            I need recording equipment because I am SURE we’ll want to giggle about this later.

          16. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:27 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            ::whale surfacing::

            i am so flippin’ excited.

          17. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:26 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            Maam, were you in schiese porn?

            I just emailed Ben my #. You owe me a dollar. Prepare for a three-way call, baby.

          18. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 9:04 pm

            Re: No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            Maaaaam! Kitty’s bein’ a dildo!

            I know a Kitty Kitty who is sleeping with mommy tonight!

          19. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:00 pm

            No kitty, those are MY CHEESY POOFS THAT’S A BAD KITTY!

            He was more of an example of how I do not want my shame necessarily spread far and wide across the internets while the wounds are still open.

            You’re right, I could indeed call you AND PERHAPS I SHALL later today.

          20. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:47 pm

            I think he is a little self absorbed for that, and he’s never even met you, that is not his style. Whereas with me, I am sure those are the EXACT words he used after he dumped my fat ass.

            PS- It’s not like you can’t call me. I HAVE A RING TONE FOR YOU NOW. I WILL MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO BRUSH THE CHEESY POOF CRUMBS OFF MY CHEST AND WADDLE TO THE PHONE.

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:31 pm

          There is only so much detail I’m willing to get into on a facebook wall post. I don’t want Italy Michael to be like “HAR HAR FATTY IS SAD”.

      6. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:03 pm

        You did NOT tell me this part.

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:05 pm

      There was also some whispering of ‘You’re a BIG GIRL’ ‘You’re a LOT OF WOMAN’ and it just made me feel sad and ashamed, not sexy at all.

  6. designess November 26, 2007 at 8:02 pm

    Maybe it was a clumsy way of saying that it didn’t matter that you have some extree around the edges? Some guys like their girls curvy! But still, I can understand the horror.

  7. autonomic_pilot November 26, 2007 at 8:32 pm

    Wow. Just wow. Being male, I know I can’t understand completely how it made you feel… but I have one hell of an imagination. I think I can grok a fair part of it.

    I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:46 pm

      I also apologize for any interior eye-burn you may have experienced from exercising your imagination on this topic!

      1. autonomic_pilot November 26, 2007 at 10:59 pm

        No problems with that on this end. Mostly you just managed to crank my misanthrope-o-meter up another notch… so, thanks.

        1. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:01 pm

          I do what I can on that front. If I have my way, the world is going to end in fire.

          1. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:44 pm

            I’ll take graham-cracker duty.

          2. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:44 pm

            I’ll take graham-cracker duty.

        2. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:01 pm

          I do what I can on that front. If I have my way, the world is going to end in fire.

      2. autonomic_pilot November 26, 2007 at 10:59 pm

        No problems with that on this end. Mostly you just managed to crank my misanthrope-o-meter up another notch… so, thanks.

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 8:46 pm

      I also apologize for any interior eye-burn you may have experienced from exercising your imagination on this topic!

  8. autonomic_pilot November 26, 2007 at 8:32 pm

    Wow. Just wow. Being male, I know I can’t understand completely how it made you feel… but I have one hell of an imagination. I think I can grok a fair part of it.

    I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

  9. demonlet November 26, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    THAT GUY FAILS

    After careful analysis of this situation by myself and my esteemed colleague, we feel that it would be best if ever confronted with this kind of bullshit again, you grab the guy by his dick and tell him its shriveled tininess is what turns you on.

    I’m so sorry you had to deal with horror and I would only call you nice things during hot makeouts, things like Pirate Cap’n, Scourge of Sexy Coast

    1. irrationalrobot November 26, 2007 at 9:08 pm

      Re: THAT GUY FAILS

      “Your hemerroids… mmm, I like ’em swollen!”

      1. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:24 pm

        Re: THAT GUY FAILS

        Your man boobs cup size overfloweth…GOD that’s sexy.

      2. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:24 pm

        Re: THAT GUY FAILS

        Your man boobs cup size overfloweth…GOD that’s sexy.

    2. irrationalrobot November 26, 2007 at 9:08 pm

      Re: THAT GUY FAILS

      “Your hemerroids… mmm, I like ’em swollen!”

    3. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:23 pm

      Re: THAT GUY FAILS

      And that is why I love you.

    4. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:23 pm

      Re: THAT GUY FAILS

      And that is why I love you.

  10. demonlet November 26, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    THAT GUY FAILS

    After careful analysis of this situation by myself and my esteemed colleague, we feel that it would be best if ever confronted with this kind of bullshit again, you grab the guy by his dick and tell him its shriveled tininess is what turns you on.

    I’m so sorry you had to deal with horror and I would only call you nice things during hot makeouts, things like Pirate Cap’n, Scourge of Sexy Coast

  11. irrationalrobot November 26, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    Many, many years ago- I recall seeing a daytime talk show about Chubby Chasers (they had a more polite term for it) where a woman told the following story:

    1. Chubby girl meets guy
    2. They fall in love, get married
    3. Chubby girl decides to lose weight, starts losing it
    4. Guy gets a little less interested
    5. Girl is now slim, guy doesn’t want nooky anymore
    6. Guy confesses his “big girl” thing, convinces girl to wear Fat Suit
    7. Guy looks up at slim girl in fat suit, gets all drooly

    Again, screaming horror!

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:17 pm

      I just don’t get the fetishization of body size! I suppose everyone is attracted to different things, but size has never been the determining factor as to whether I find a guy attractive or not.

      1. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 2:34 am

        IMO, a fetish (or what you find attractive) is like a phobia: there’s no logical reason why one has it. You just have to accept it’s there and work within those parameters. Of course, that’s supposing said fetish/attraction isn’t something illegal or unsanitary, but that’s a whole ‘nother ballgame.

        Also, the term fetish verges into territory that implies that it’s a compulsion, that the person finds no other sort of person/situation attractive or sexy, and cannot manage arousal without having the object/situation of the fetish present. I don’t think that’s true for most who are into larger people.

        I agree that it sounds like he was rather inept at expressing said attraction, but kudos to him for having that much self-awareness that he can acknowledge and express it.

        I had an on-again, off-again fuck buddy who was a regular-size guy. Rather dishy, too, although that’s neither here nor there. We had a lot of fun together, and I’ll always remember him fondly. Once he told me his buddies gave him flack for being with me because I’m fat. He said he’d told them he enjoyed my company and he didn’t care what they thought. He didn’t go into detail about the exchange, and I didn’t ask, but I was a smidge upset by the fact that he told me.

        I told a friend about it because I wanted his take. This guy is an avowed lover of the big women, like whoa. If he weren’t married, and if we weren’t geographically incompatible, there’d be beds a-burnin’ between the two of us, because he is HOT HOT HOT, oh boy and we are so attracted to each other, it isn’t even funny.

        He said Dave was most likely trying to tell me in a roundabout way that he accepted me and enjoyed me as I am, and that he wanted me to know that he had the huevos to defend his acceptance and enjoyment of me to his friends. So, OK, that makes sense, especially within the context of the relationship we had.

        Rebel said that many men will NEVER acknowledge that attraction, will NEVER be seen in public with a girl who is even a bit larger than what Cosmo and the Bulimia Society of America tells us is sexy. Instead, they’ll “get drunk and go home with a fat girl” because we’re easy or whateverthehell. Meh. We don’t need to get into what I think of assholes like that, of course.

        If he were complimenting your beautiful curly red hair or your gorgeous complexion or your adorable toes or whatever else, that would be OK, yes? So if he finds your rumpus or the curve of your belly to be delicious, I say, take it as the compliment it was meant to be, and get your fun thing moved!

        In the big scheme of things, you have to love and accept your whole self before you can ever believe that anyone else will do that. It’s OK to dislike certain areas of your body (not that you need my permission, of course), and to desire to change your fitness level, or your muscle tone, or to lose that belly roll. But don’t hate on yourself because of what you look like, ’cause that’s a short road to serious emo-ness, and nobody needs that, eh?

        You have to know, deep within yourself, that you are a certified 100% hot-rockin’ babe, whether you fit within society’s narrow little view of what is “sexy” or “attractive” or whateverthehell. Fuck society. Sexy is in the head! Sexy is the whole package, your moxie and your style, your mindset and your sense of self. It never has been and never will be a factor of what your body looks like.

        Wow, I’m windy, aren’t I? πŸ˜‰

        All I can say is that in my (highly promiscuous at one time but not so much now) checkered love life, I’ve hung out with a LOT of really, really hot men. Dated some, fucked some, married one, been friends with many, lusted after more than a few. A lot of them were in very body-conscious professions, too. Military, cops, pilots, firefighters, pro athletes … hell, one was a former Playgirl centerfold! All complimented me on my confidence, saying that’s what they found sexiest about me.

        So, in summary: his delivery sucked, but his message wasn’t necessarily icky or creepy. Find ways to appreciate yourself for who you are inside, and everything else matters a helluva lost less!

        /pontification

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:07 am

          Wow. Just, wow.

          Fetishization was probably the incorrect word to use here; sometimes I get so irked that I don’t express myself in quite the way that I mean to. I’ve been on pretty much every side of the body issue coin with regards to how other people perceive me. I’ve had a guy profess to really, really like me, but couldn’t date me because ‘I don’t take care of myself’ (ie; lose a few pounds and we’ll talk). I’ve had guys attracted to me solely on the basis of my body size. I’ve seen how differently people react to you on the internet when they don’t know what you look like at first. I’ve put flattering photos on internet dating sites and noticed the guy be visibly disappointed when he sees me. I put up a youtube video last february of my friends and I doing a spoof of Reno 911–it’s gotten nearly 50k views and all anyone can comment on is my weight; whether it’s repulsive or if it makes me cute. So when I say fetishization, I really meant I don’t get people’s obsession with having other people’s bodies look exactly the way THEY would like them to look, to the point where weight seems to be my sole defining characteristic, and it’s not the first thing that I would use to describe myself. Not by far. It irks me that it seems a majority of people snap decide whether they would even like to be someone’s FRIEND based on whether or not they’re sexually attracted to that person.

          I’ve gotten to the point where I can blow off the youtube crap. I can look in the mirror and feel sexy. I still don’t like pictures of myself, but I’m convinced that I’m hot and just don’t photograph well at all. For a while, I was pretty desperate to get into a relationship to ‘validate myself’ or something ridiculous like that; now I’m good with being alone. REALLY good with it.

          The more I think about it, the less I have a problem with him finding me attractive because of my weight–it’s the grabbing that I really didn’t like. I dated one guy very seriously for many years, and I wouldn’t have any of that from HIM–I certainly didn’t expect a guy I didn’t know to be so bold as to go for it.

          Thanks for your advice, I will certainly try to take it to heart. When I speak about acceptance of all body sizes, I should really be more accepting of those who DO accept all body sizes.

          1. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 8:23 am

            Right then, sorry if I came off as lecturing, because that’s certainly not what I meant to do. It’s a subject that’s been on my mind lately, and the minds of several good friends who are forward-thinking chicas, and yeah.

            Mr. Bar Hookup needs to learn some finesse! And hell, maybe alcohol was a factor, and if he weren’t likkered up, maybe he’d be more slick, eh?

            The only thing I could say about the YouTube assholes is that they’re leveling. That’s the psychological term for tearing someone else down to make yourself feel better. AKA crab-in-the-bucket syndrome. If you’re not familiar with that term, it’s what happens if you have several crabs in a bucket. When one tries to pull itself out, the others will grab it and pull it back in, over and over again.

            So, they’re just trying to put you down because you had the audacity to refuse to stay home and hide yourself. The nerve! They’re just stuck in third-grade mentality, because really, what a lame-ass unimaginative put-down, no? They couldn’t think of anything better.

            I think our society is really ill in the way we deal with women. We allow men to shit on us, and we do it to ourselves and to other women, too. But men can “let themselves go” and nobody makes nearly the same amount of commentary. It’s infuriating in so many ways.

            Come see me this weekend, and I’ll tell ya if you’re hot or not. πŸ˜‰

          2. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:53 pm

            It didn’t come across that way at all, no worries. πŸ™‚

            I wasn’t familiar with the term ‘crab-in-the-bucket syndrome’ but it’s an interesting concept–people do tend to try and drag one another down.

            Our society in general seems pretty clearly structurally misogynistic to me. The focus on women is what they look like, not who they are or what they can do. Of course, ‘what they can do’ is also a terrible joke when you consider that women are STILL paid less than men, are promoted less, hold far fewer executive level positions, and it’s still considered acceptable in society to joke that ‘I don’t know about having a woman president in the office, she might just start a war when she’s on the rag’. Women are consistently dismissed as being concerned with trivial, petty, superficial things, and the media pushed at women only reinforces the idea, which starts the next vicious cycle all over again.

            I was thinking about making a post on this topic sometime soon since the ads are all over the radio lately–have you heard those ‘wisefield jeweler’ spots? I find those EXTREMELY offensive–they imply that the only way to shut a woman up is with expensive presents, and all any woman wants is a man who will GIVE her expensive presents. They make me throw up a little in my mouth every time I hear them.

            I will try to make it out this weekend–I’m interested in seeing what you make!

          3. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 10:26 pm

            I yell at the fucking radio EVERY TIME I hear one of those goddamn Weisfield commercials! There are so many layers of wrong and stupid, it’s hard to count them! And it’s not only the women who look stupid in that commercial. How fucking retarded is the guy if his *parents* have to clue him in about a national jewelry chain that has a location in EVERY MALL EVERYWHERE?

            The wage gap is far slimmer for non-childed women, and that’s because they aren’t taking time off for maternity leave and to mind sick children. Makes sense to me. Women who are, y’know, actually working at work and not making something else a higher priority are always going to advance further and earn more.

          4. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:43 pm

            :shudder: children. That’s something I definitely don’t plan on taking time off of work for.

            My coworker has 3 kids (two still living at home, one of which is now pregnant…classy) and she’s out of work ALL THE TIME taking care of these teenage kids. It’d be sort of entertaining to watch if it didn’t also mean that her work burden falls on me when she’s gone.

          5. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 10:54 pm

            Well, all I could say is don’t do her shit and let her flounder, but of course I know that’s sometimes easier said than done. If you’re not already documenting all the extra stuff she foists on you, start now, especially if the higher-ups seem not to realize it’s happening.

            *childfree salute*

          6. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:56 pm

            Yeah, I definitely am starting to do that, especially since her kid is due to spawn in February and I KNOW she plans on taking plenty of time off then.
            *cf salute*

          7. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:56 pm

            Yeah, I definitely am starting to do that, especially since her kid is due to spawn in February and I KNOW she plans on taking plenty of time off then.
            *cf salute*

          8. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 10:54 pm

            Well, all I could say is don’t do her shit and let her flounder, but of course I know that’s sometimes easier said than done. If you’re not already documenting all the extra stuff she foists on you, start now, especially if the higher-ups seem not to realize it’s happening.

            *childfree salute*

          9. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:43 pm

            :shudder: children. That’s something I definitely don’t plan on taking time off of work for.

            My coworker has 3 kids (two still living at home, one of which is now pregnant…classy) and she’s out of work ALL THE TIME taking care of these teenage kids. It’d be sort of entertaining to watch if it didn’t also mean that her work burden falls on me when she’s gone.

          10. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 10:26 pm

            I yell at the fucking radio EVERY TIME I hear one of those goddamn Weisfield commercials! There are so many layers of wrong and stupid, it’s hard to count them! And it’s not only the women who look stupid in that commercial. How fucking retarded is the guy if his *parents* have to clue him in about a national jewelry chain that has a location in EVERY MALL EVERYWHERE?

            The wage gap is far slimmer for non-childed women, and that’s because they aren’t taking time off for maternity leave and to mind sick children. Makes sense to me. Women who are, y’know, actually working at work and not making something else a higher priority are always going to advance further and earn more.

          11. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:53 pm

            It didn’t come across that way at all, no worries. πŸ™‚

            I wasn’t familiar with the term ‘crab-in-the-bucket syndrome’ but it’s an interesting concept–people do tend to try and drag one another down.

            Our society in general seems pretty clearly structurally misogynistic to me. The focus on women is what they look like, not who they are or what they can do. Of course, ‘what they can do’ is also a terrible joke when you consider that women are STILL paid less than men, are promoted less, hold far fewer executive level positions, and it’s still considered acceptable in society to joke that ‘I don’t know about having a woman president in the office, she might just start a war when she’s on the rag’. Women are consistently dismissed as being concerned with trivial, petty, superficial things, and the media pushed at women only reinforces the idea, which starts the next vicious cycle all over again.

            I was thinking about making a post on this topic sometime soon since the ads are all over the radio lately–have you heard those ‘wisefield jeweler’ spots? I find those EXTREMELY offensive–they imply that the only way to shut a woman up is with expensive presents, and all any woman wants is a man who will GIVE her expensive presents. They make me throw up a little in my mouth every time I hear them.

            I will try to make it out this weekend–I’m interested in seeing what you make!

          12. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 8:23 am

            Right then, sorry if I came off as lecturing, because that’s certainly not what I meant to do. It’s a subject that’s been on my mind lately, and the minds of several good friends who are forward-thinking chicas, and yeah.

            Mr. Bar Hookup needs to learn some finesse! And hell, maybe alcohol was a factor, and if he weren’t likkered up, maybe he’d be more slick, eh?

            The only thing I could say about the YouTube assholes is that they’re leveling. That’s the psychological term for tearing someone else down to make yourself feel better. AKA crab-in-the-bucket syndrome. If you’re not familiar with that term, it’s what happens if you have several crabs in a bucket. When one tries to pull itself out, the others will grab it and pull it back in, over and over again.

            So, they’re just trying to put you down because you had the audacity to refuse to stay home and hide yourself. The nerve! They’re just stuck in third-grade mentality, because really, what a lame-ass unimaginative put-down, no? They couldn’t think of anything better.

            I think our society is really ill in the way we deal with women. We allow men to shit on us, and we do it to ourselves and to other women, too. But men can “let themselves go” and nobody makes nearly the same amount of commentary. It’s infuriating in so many ways.

            Come see me this weekend, and I’ll tell ya if you’re hot or not. πŸ˜‰

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:07 am

          Wow. Just, wow.

          Fetishization was probably the incorrect word to use here; sometimes I get so irked that I don’t express myself in quite the way that I mean to. I’ve been on pretty much every side of the body issue coin with regards to how other people perceive me. I’ve had a guy profess to really, really like me, but couldn’t date me because ‘I don’t take care of myself’ (ie; lose a few pounds and we’ll talk). I’ve had guys attracted to me solely on the basis of my body size. I’ve seen how differently people react to you on the internet when they don’t know what you look like at first. I’ve put flattering photos on internet dating sites and noticed the guy be visibly disappointed when he sees me. I put up a youtube video last february of my friends and I doing a spoof of Reno 911–it’s gotten nearly 50k views and all anyone can comment on is my weight; whether it’s repulsive or if it makes me cute. So when I say fetishization, I really meant I don’t get people’s obsession with having other people’s bodies look exactly the way THEY would like them to look, to the point where weight seems to be my sole defining characteristic, and it’s not the first thing that I would use to describe myself. Not by far. It irks me that it seems a majority of people snap decide whether they would even like to be someone’s FRIEND based on whether or not they’re sexually attracted to that person.

          I’ve gotten to the point where I can blow off the youtube crap. I can look in the mirror and feel sexy. I still don’t like pictures of myself, but I’m convinced that I’m hot and just don’t photograph well at all. For a while, I was pretty desperate to get into a relationship to ‘validate myself’ or something ridiculous like that; now I’m good with being alone. REALLY good with it.

          The more I think about it, the less I have a problem with him finding me attractive because of my weight–it’s the grabbing that I really didn’t like. I dated one guy very seriously for many years, and I wouldn’t have any of that from HIM–I certainly didn’t expect a guy I didn’t know to be so bold as to go for it.

          Thanks for your advice, I will certainly try to take it to heart. When I speak about acceptance of all body sizes, I should really be more accepting of those who DO accept all body sizes.

      2. mschilepepper November 27, 2007 at 2:34 am

        IMO, a fetish (or what you find attractive) is like a phobia: there’s no logical reason why one has it. You just have to accept it’s there and work within those parameters. Of course, that’s supposing said fetish/attraction isn’t something illegal or unsanitary, but that’s a whole ‘nother ballgame.

        Also, the term fetish verges into territory that implies that it’s a compulsion, that the person finds no other sort of person/situation attractive or sexy, and cannot manage arousal without having the object/situation of the fetish present. I don’t think that’s true for most who are into larger people.

        I agree that it sounds like he was rather inept at expressing said attraction, but kudos to him for having that much self-awareness that he can acknowledge and express it.

        I had an on-again, off-again fuck buddy who was a regular-size guy. Rather dishy, too, although that’s neither here nor there. We had a lot of fun together, and I’ll always remember him fondly. Once he told me his buddies gave him flack for being with me because I’m fat. He said he’d told them he enjoyed my company and he didn’t care what they thought. He didn’t go into detail about the exchange, and I didn’t ask, but I was a smidge upset by the fact that he told me.

        I told a friend about it because I wanted his take. This guy is an avowed lover of the big women, like whoa. If he weren’t married, and if we weren’t geographically incompatible, there’d be beds a-burnin’ between the two of us, because he is HOT HOT HOT, oh boy and we are so attracted to each other, it isn’t even funny.

        He said Dave was most likely trying to tell me in a roundabout way that he accepted me and enjoyed me as I am, and that he wanted me to know that he had the huevos to defend his acceptance and enjoyment of me to his friends. So, OK, that makes sense, especially within the context of the relationship we had.

        Rebel said that many men will NEVER acknowledge that attraction, will NEVER be seen in public with a girl who is even a bit larger than what Cosmo and the Bulimia Society of America tells us is sexy. Instead, they’ll “get drunk and go home with a fat girl” because we’re easy or whateverthehell. Meh. We don’t need to get into what I think of assholes like that, of course.

        If he were complimenting your beautiful curly red hair or your gorgeous complexion or your adorable toes or whatever else, that would be OK, yes? So if he finds your rumpus or the curve of your belly to be delicious, I say, take it as the compliment it was meant to be, and get your fun thing moved!

        In the big scheme of things, you have to love and accept your whole self before you can ever believe that anyone else will do that. It’s OK to dislike certain areas of your body (not that you need my permission, of course), and to desire to change your fitness level, or your muscle tone, or to lose that belly roll. But don’t hate on yourself because of what you look like, ’cause that’s a short road to serious emo-ness, and nobody needs that, eh?

        You have to know, deep within yourself, that you are a certified 100% hot-rockin’ babe, whether you fit within society’s narrow little view of what is “sexy” or “attractive” or whateverthehell. Fuck society. Sexy is in the head! Sexy is the whole package, your moxie and your style, your mindset and your sense of self. It never has been and never will be a factor of what your body looks like.

        Wow, I’m windy, aren’t I? πŸ˜‰

        All I can say is that in my (highly promiscuous at one time but not so much now) checkered love life, I’ve hung out with a LOT of really, really hot men. Dated some, fucked some, married one, been friends with many, lusted after more than a few. A lot of them were in very body-conscious professions, too. Military, cops, pilots, firefighters, pro athletes … hell, one was a former Playgirl centerfold! All complimented me on my confidence, saying that’s what they found sexiest about me.

        So, in summary: his delivery sucked, but his message wasn’t necessarily icky or creepy. Find ways to appreciate yourself for who you are inside, and everything else matters a helluva lost less!

        /pontification

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:17 pm

      I just don’t get the fetishization of body size! I suppose everyone is attracted to different things, but size has never been the determining factor as to whether I find a guy attractive or not.

  12. irrationalrobot November 26, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    Many, many years ago- I recall seeing a daytime talk show about Chubby Chasers (they had a more polite term for it) where a woman told the following story:

    1. Chubby girl meets guy
    2. They fall in love, get married
    3. Chubby girl decides to lose weight, starts losing it
    4. Guy gets a little less interested
    5. Girl is now slim, guy doesn’t want nooky anymore
    6. Guy confesses his “big girl” thing, convinces girl to wear Fat Suit
    7. Guy looks up at slim girl in fat suit, gets all drooly

    Again, screaming horror!

  13. variax November 26, 2007 at 9:31 pm

    I am not laughing about this. Not the tiniest bit.

    Really.

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:34 pm

      You clearly enjoy laughing at my pain. Allow me to introduce you to ; in that regard I suspect you’ll get along nicely. πŸ˜›

      1. variax November 26, 2007 at 9:37 pm

        I would enjoy laughing at your pain, but I am at work in a shared office and thus I am in fact in great discomfort associated with the suppression of said laughter.

        1. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:42 pm

          Well, at least I’m not the only one who is/was uncomfortable, then.

          Misery loves company!

        2. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:42 pm

          Well, at least I’m not the only one who is/was uncomfortable, then.

          Misery loves company!

      2. variax November 26, 2007 at 9:37 pm

        I would enjoy laughing at your pain, but I am at work in a shared office and thus I am in fact in great discomfort associated with the suppression of said laughter.

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:34 pm

      You clearly enjoy laughing at my pain. Allow me to introduce you to ; in that regard I suspect you’ll get along nicely. πŸ˜›

  14. variax November 26, 2007 at 9:31 pm

    I am not laughing about this. Not the tiniest bit.

    Really.

  15. hallucinas November 26, 2007 at 9:41 pm

    Eh, sorry you had to go through that. At least you made out with a really hot guy.
    I’ve had guys grab my nonexistant boobs and say totally gross, not-sexy things. I think they were just trying to be sexy. They failed.

    uh and you are not a fattie! WHAT A DUMBASS.

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:51 pm

      I tend to operate along the principle of ‘until I know what you think is sexy, I am going to keep my MOUTH SHUT’ and would prefer if guys operated along similar lines. Or at least didn’t come out of left field with something that in 99.99 percent of the female population’s mind is perceived as an insult.

      Maybe it’s true–they DON’T have enough blood to operate both heads at once!

      1. hallucinas November 27, 2007 at 12:46 am

        It is TOTALLY TRUE!!!!!!!!!

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:45 pm

          I feel like if we can afford to pay scientists to study what makes the perfect bacon sandwich (I swear, I am not making that up), science can also spend some time giving us a definitive answer to this, the question of the century.

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 10:45 pm

          I feel like if we can afford to pay scientists to study what makes the perfect bacon sandwich (I swear, I am not making that up), science can also spend some time giving us a definitive answer to this, the question of the century.

      2. hallucinas November 27, 2007 at 12:46 am

        It is TOTALLY TRUE!!!!!!!!!

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 9:51 pm

      I tend to operate along the principle of ‘until I know what you think is sexy, I am going to keep my MOUTH SHUT’ and would prefer if guys operated along similar lines. Or at least didn’t come out of left field with something that in 99.99 percent of the female population’s mind is perceived as an insult.

      Maybe it’s true–they DON’T have enough blood to operate both heads at once!

  16. hallucinas November 26, 2007 at 9:41 pm

    Eh, sorry you had to go through that. At least you made out with a really hot guy.
    I’ve had guys grab my nonexistant boobs and say totally gross, not-sexy things. I think they were just trying to be sexy. They failed.

    uh and you are not a fattie! WHAT A DUMBASS.

  17. smacksaw November 26, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    You should have said you love his small penis because you can hump it with your clit without having to bother with penetration.

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:07 pm

      This is why I need a Devin On My ShoulderTM at all times. Snappy answers 24/7!

      1. smacksaw November 26, 2007 at 10:44 pm

        Regardless, I think I smell a bit coming on from your story and my retort. Just say that you did say that and you’ll have all of the girls with more pudge than they like (all of them?) eating out of your hand.

        I’m you’re comedy consultant. ^^

        1. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:50 pm

          I’ll be sure to give you a cut of my Famous Comic money and Incredibly Famous poon.

          1. smacksaw November 27, 2007 at 5:10 pm

            I want to be your Paul Mooney

          2. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:55 pm

            That sounds perfect to me!

          3. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:55 pm

            That sounds perfect to me!

          4. smacksaw November 27, 2007 at 5:10 pm

            I want to be your Paul Mooney

        2. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:50 pm

          I’ll be sure to give you a cut of my Famous Comic money and Incredibly Famous poon.

      2. smacksaw November 26, 2007 at 10:44 pm

        Regardless, I think I smell a bit coming on from your story and my retort. Just say that you did say that and you’ll have all of the girls with more pudge than they like (all of them?) eating out of your hand.

        I’m you’re comedy consultant. ^^

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:07 pm

      This is why I need a Devin On My ShoulderTM at all times. Snappy answers 24/7!

  18. smacksaw November 26, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    You should have said you love his small penis because you can hump it with your clit without having to bother with penetration.

  19. variax November 26, 2007 at 10:14 pm

    There is a pun on the word ‘chub’ that I am not making. I am not sufficiently deluded as to believe that this will offer me any real protection against retribution, but it does give me a timeshare on a small strip of moral high ground.

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:21 pm

      Don’t act like I’m not going to notice that just by virtue of this comment, you are suggesting I have a penis and attract fat-lovin’ gay men. You are squarely in my retributive sights, sir.

      1. variax November 26, 2007 at 10:31 pm

        Helmet, shinguards and jockstrap on standby.

        1. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:41 pm

          That’d better be a damn protective jockstrap.

          1. variax November 26, 2007 at 10:47 pm

            It is a jockstrap that is attached to a realistic decoy. It potentially offers protection equivalent to a five minute head start.

          2. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:51 pm

            I’ll taser you, bro.

          3. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:51 pm

            I’ll taser you, bro.

          4. autonomic_pilot November 26, 2007 at 11:06 pm

            I would be ashamed to mention it anywhere else but:

            Jock Strap of Displacement +3/+5 vs. kicks

          5. khallis November 27, 2007 at 2:59 am

            It sounds like a good artifact, but it can cause some REALLY EMBARASSING accidents.

            Don’t ask.

          6. khallis November 27, 2007 at 2:59 am

            It sounds like a good artifact, but it can cause some REALLY EMBARASSING accidents.

            Don’t ask.

          7. autonomic_pilot November 26, 2007 at 11:06 pm

            I would be ashamed to mention it anywhere else but:

            Jock Strap of Displacement +3/+5 vs. kicks

          8. variax November 26, 2007 at 10:47 pm

            It is a jockstrap that is attached to a realistic decoy. It potentially offers protection equivalent to a five minute head start.

        2. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:41 pm

          That’d better be a damn protective jockstrap.

      2. variax November 26, 2007 at 10:31 pm

        Helmet, shinguards and jockstrap on standby.

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:21 pm

      Don’t act like I’m not going to notice that just by virtue of this comment, you are suggesting I have a penis and attract fat-lovin’ gay men. You are squarely in my retributive sights, sir.

  20. variax November 26, 2007 at 10:14 pm

    There is a pun on the word ‘chub’ that I am not making. I am not sufficiently deluded as to believe that this will offer me any real protection against retribution, but it does give me a timeshare on a small strip of moral high ground.

  21. wakare November 26, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    Whatever happened to the good ol’ standby “You really turn me on” ? Sheesh, keep it simple. Personally, I’m really squickish about the whole “talking” thing so I tend to go even more basic; “This is really nice” or “I love the way you feel” or “Did you finish your homework yet?”

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:55 pm

      I feel like you tread a line when you’re too ‘talky’ with someone you don’t know well (or at all); there’s a wide swath of sex-related things to say, and it’s SO SO easy to F up.

      The homework line? Stellar!

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 10:55 pm

      I feel like you tread a line when you’re too ‘talky’ with someone you don’t know well (or at all); there’s a wide swath of sex-related things to say, and it’s SO SO easy to F up.

      The homework line? Stellar!

    3. admin November 27, 2007 at 12:12 am

      Wait a minute…are you dating high school girls?!?

      1. wakare November 27, 2007 at 2:09 am

        Haha that was a slow simmerng joke. πŸ˜‰

        Nah, I’m really not into the whole “sex offender” thing. Besides, they drove me nuts when I was in high school, why would I want to date one now? “Grown up” is pretty high on my list of things I look for in a woman.

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:38 am

          I don’t dig younger guys, but there *is* something to be said about being leaps and bounds more mature than your partner. Because they could bring some different sorts of fun and spontenaiety into your everyday life. Maybe.

          Then again, I just think it might be fun to lord over someone other than my dog intellectually for a while.

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:38 am

          I don’t dig younger guys, but there *is* something to be said about being leaps and bounds more mature than your partner. Because they could bring some different sorts of fun and spontenaiety into your everyday life. Maybe.

          Then again, I just think it might be fun to lord over someone other than my dog intellectually for a while.

      2. wakare November 27, 2007 at 2:09 am

        Haha that was a slow simmerng joke. πŸ˜‰

        Nah, I’m really not into the whole “sex offender” thing. Besides, they drove me nuts when I was in high school, why would I want to date one now? “Grown up” is pretty high on my list of things I look for in a woman.

      3. wakare November 27, 2007 at 2:12 am

        Oh oh but that does remind me of an icky Blizzard story… A certain higher up at the company used to date a girl that was, like, 10 years younger than he was. She used to do her homework on the floor of his office while he was working.

        I think at some point they got consent from her parents to get married.

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:39 am

          EWWWWWWWWWWWW.

          EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:39 am

          EWWWWWWWWWWWW.

          EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

      4. wakare November 27, 2007 at 2:12 am

        Oh oh but that does remind me of an icky Blizzard story… A certain higher up at the company used to date a girl that was, like, 10 years younger than he was. She used to do her homework on the floor of his office while he was working.

        I think at some point they got consent from her parents to get married.

    4. admin November 27, 2007 at 12:12 am

      Wait a minute…are you dating high school girls?!?

  22. wakare November 26, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    Whatever happened to the good ol’ standby “You really turn me on” ? Sheesh, keep it simple. Personally, I’m really squickish about the whole “talking” thing so I tend to go even more basic; “This is really nice” or “I love the way you feel” or “Did you finish your homework yet?”

  23. dslartoo November 26, 2007 at 11:10 pm

    UM WTF DUDE YOU ARE MAKING OUT WITH A HOT GIRL WTF WTF IS THE MATTER WITH YOU THAT YOU TELL HER SHE’S FAT.

    My gender clearly fails at life. Or at least at being smart. I’m not too good at the whole seduction thing, but even so I can think of several thousand things that I could say that are better than that crap.

    cheers,
    Phil

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:18 pm

      Even in the heat of the moment or with a beer or 3 in you, I’m sure it would be EASY to think of a thousand things that are better than that.

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:18 pm

      Even in the heat of the moment or with a beer or 3 in you, I’m sure it would be EASY to think of a thousand things that are better than that.

  24. dslartoo November 26, 2007 at 11:10 pm

    UM WTF DUDE YOU ARE MAKING OUT WITH A HOT GIRL WTF WTF IS THE MATTER WITH YOU THAT YOU TELL HER SHE’S FAT.

    My gender clearly fails at life. Or at least at being smart. I’m not too good at the whole seduction thing, but even so I can think of several thousand things that I could say that are better than that crap.

    cheers,
    Phil

  25. pretzelcoatl November 26, 2007 at 11:43 pm

    I only have this to offer:

    D:

    That is all.

    1. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:45 pm

      D: is pretty much the face I made. There *is* an emoticon to express how I feel about this situation!

      D:

    2. admin November 26, 2007 at 11:45 pm

      D: is pretty much the face I made. There *is* an emoticon to express how I feel about this situation!

      D:

  26. pretzelcoatl November 26, 2007 at 11:43 pm

    I only have this to offer:

    D:

    That is all.

  27. lamzydivy November 27, 2007 at 1:06 am

    oh no wai!

    I’m sorry, but if it were me, that comment would have been followed by this:

    “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathe* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!1!”

    But then again, I actually giggled one time when this guy took his clothes off and literally had a penis the size of a 12-year old. It was sad πŸ™ I was sad!

    1. admin November 27, 2007 at 1:24 am

      Re: oh no wai!

      I should’ve laughed. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle!

      1. lamzydivy November 27, 2007 at 1:45 am

        Re: oh no wai!

        I was about to say “body massage!” as sort of a GI Joe reference but then thought that would have been a little weird..

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 1:58 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          pork chop sandwiches!

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 1:58 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          pork chop sandwiches!

      2. lamzydivy November 27, 2007 at 1:45 am

        Re: oh no wai!

        I was about to say “body massage!” as sort of a GI Joe reference but then thought that would have been a little weird..

    2. admin November 27, 2007 at 1:24 am

      Re: oh no wai!

      I should’ve laughed. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle!

    3. khallis November 27, 2007 at 2:58 am

      Re: oh no wai!

      The size of a twelve year old?!

      About four foot three, weighs maybe 80 pounds?

      Good. God.

      1. lamzydivy November 27, 2007 at 4:19 am

        Re: oh no wai!

        Sadly, no. That would have been impressive.. scary, but impressive. Hrm, anyway: 12-year old’s.. goodness. It was wee πŸ™

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:41 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          Perhaps you should’ve given him some batman underoos as a hint. πŸ˜€

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:41 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          Perhaps you should’ve given him some batman underoos as a hint. πŸ˜€

        3. khallis November 27, 2007 at 9:11 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          Hey, it was good enough for Michael Jackson…

          … no, I can’t even finish that joke.

          I apologize.

        4. khallis November 27, 2007 at 9:11 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          Hey, it was good enough for Michael Jackson…

          … no, I can’t even finish that joke.

          I apologize.

      2. lamzydivy November 27, 2007 at 4:19 am

        Re: oh no wai!

        Sadly, no. That would have been impressive.. scary, but impressive. Hrm, anyway: 12-year old’s.. goodness. It was wee πŸ™

      3. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:40 am

        Re: oh no wai!

        That sucker’d belong in the book of world records!

        The bigger (rimshot) question is–how in the world would you find pants that fit?

        1. kindofstrange November 29, 2007 at 7:00 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          You don’t; you find a wheelbarrow that’d fit it.

        2. kindofstrange November 29, 2007 at 7:00 am

          Re: oh no wai!

          You don’t; you find a wheelbarrow that’d fit it.

      4. admin November 27, 2007 at 7:40 am

        Re: oh no wai!

        That sucker’d belong in the book of world records!

        The bigger (rimshot) question is–how in the world would you find pants that fit?

    4. khallis November 27, 2007 at 2:58 am

      Re: oh no wai!

      The size of a twelve year old?!

      About four foot three, weighs maybe 80 pounds?

      Good. God.

  28. lamzydivy November 27, 2007 at 1:06 am

    oh no wai!

    I’m sorry, but if it were me, that comment would have been followed by this:

    “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathe* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!1!”

    But then again, I actually giggled one time when this guy took his clothes off and literally had a penis the size of a 12-year old. It was sad πŸ™ I was sad!

  29. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:06 pm

    Damnit, I am not laughing at you, I am laughing WITH YOU.

    AND I’M THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU TO POST THIS STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

    Hi, Variax… there is a description we like to use in the cubicle world for “laughter supression” and it is called “whale surfacing” because that is what people invariably sound like.

    1. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:34 pm

      As a BIG GIRL and a LOT OF WOMAN, I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with the term ‘whale surfacing’. I prefer ‘pixie explosion’.

      1. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:44 pm

        I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU

        1. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:54 pm

          WELL I WAS TALKING TO YOU.

          1. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:55 pm

            What? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of MY FUCKING BEDAZZLER

          2. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:01 pm

            Illusions, Michael. Bedazzlers are things that whores use to make clothes.

          3. admin November 27, 2007 at 9:01 pm

            Illusions, Michael. Bedazzlers are things that whores use to make clothes.

          4. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:55 pm

            What? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of MY FUCKING BEDAZZLER

        2. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:54 pm

          WELL I WAS TALKING TO YOU.

      2. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:44 pm

        I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU

      3. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:44 pm

        As a MAN WITH A DEATHWISH, I think that it’s the Pixie Stix Explosions which got you into this situation in the first place.

        1. admin November 28, 2007 at 8:58 pm

          I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Is it wise to provoke me?

          Also, I have thyroid problems, jerkwad. I can produce a doctor’s note. It’s not because I can’t stop inhaling all food in sight.

          1. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:04 pm

            If only I could have multiple lives. Then I could spend my time provoking different people and see which one would kill me in the most spectacular way.

          2. admin November 28, 2007 at 9:27 pm

            Unfortunately, the only way you’re going is to be smothered with my fat.

          3. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:33 pm

            I thought I was supposed to buy you flowers first.

          4. admin November 28, 2007 at 9:38 pm

            I dunno the etiquette on this–do you often buy potential murderers flowers?

          5. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:54 pm

            It is the polite thing to do. I believe that Miss Manners even knows the correct kind of flowers for the occasion.

          6. Anonymous November 28, 2007 at 10:05 pm

            I, for one, am shocked and appalled at the whole situation. You should all be ashamed.

            -Miss Manners

            P.S. You should send your future murderer a bouquet of hepatica and begonias, representing anger and dark thoughts, while Fatty should put asphodels on your grave.

          7. Anonymous November 28, 2007 at 10:05 pm

            I, for one, am shocked and appalled at the whole situation. You should all be ashamed.

            -Miss Manners

            P.S. You should send your future murderer a bouquet of hepatica and begonias, representing anger and dark thoughts, while Fatty should put asphodels on your grave.

          8. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:54 pm

            It is the polite thing to do. I believe that Miss Manners even knows the correct kind of flowers for the occasion.

          9. admin November 28, 2007 at 9:38 pm

            I dunno the etiquette on this–do you often buy potential murderers flowers?

          10. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:33 pm

            I thought I was supposed to buy you flowers first.

          11. admin November 28, 2007 at 9:27 pm

            Unfortunately, the only way you’re going is to be smothered with my fat.

          12. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:04 pm

            If only I could have multiple lives. Then I could spend my time provoking different people and see which one would kill me in the most spectacular way.

          13. kindofstrange November 28, 2007 at 9:37 pm

            I’m totally helping you on Operation: Punches of Doom.

            Not particularly because I am offended by this, but because any chance to beat up on Rob is worthwhile and time well spent.

            I mean… I’VE TOTALLY GOT YOUR BACK, YO!

          14. admin November 28, 2007 at 9:42 pm

            I *knew* I named my pugilist in Disgaea properly!

          15. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:55 pm

            You too, huh?

          16. admin November 28, 2007 at 10:06 pm

            Quiet, you!

          17. admin November 28, 2007 at 10:06 pm

            Quiet, you!

          18. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:55 pm

            You too, huh?

          19. kindofstrange November 29, 2007 at 12:16 am

            To be truthful I’m more of a ‘headbuttalist’, but punching and kicking people while they’re on the ground is indeed part of my scottish heritage.

          20. admin November 29, 2007 at 7:09 am

            See? Fists of fury and everything!

          21. kindofstrange December 1, 2007 at 1:11 am

            Radtastic.

            I need to cut my hair back to that length…

          22. variax December 1, 2007 at 1:19 am

            I vote for going back to the Bloodrayne haircut. Not that I have a vote. But if I did have a vote, that’s how I would.

          23. variax December 1, 2007 at 1:19 am

            I vote for going back to the Bloodrayne haircut. Not that I have a vote. But if I did have a vote, that’s how I would.

          24. kindofstrange December 1, 2007 at 1:11 am

            Radtastic.

            I need to cut my hair back to that length…

          25. admin November 29, 2007 at 7:09 am

            See? Fists of fury and everything!

          26. kindofstrange November 29, 2007 at 12:16 am

            To be truthful I’m more of a ‘headbuttalist’, but punching and kicking people while they’re on the ground is indeed part of my scottish heritage.

          27. admin November 28, 2007 at 9:42 pm

            I *knew* I named my pugilist in Disgaea properly!

          28. kindofstrange November 28, 2007 at 9:37 pm

            I’m totally helping you on Operation: Punches of Doom.

            Not particularly because I am offended by this, but because any chance to beat up on Rob is worthwhile and time well spent.

            I mean… I’VE TOTALLY GOT YOUR BACK, YO!

        2. admin November 28, 2007 at 8:58 pm

          I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Is it wise to provoke me?

          Also, I have thyroid problems, jerkwad. I can produce a doctor’s note. It’s not because I can’t stop inhaling all food in sight.

      4. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:44 pm

        As a MAN WITH A DEATHWISH, I think that it’s the Pixie Stix Explosions which got you into this situation in the first place.

    2. admin November 27, 2007 at 8:34 pm

      As a BIG GIRL and a LOT OF WOMAN, I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with the term ‘whale surfacing’. I prefer ‘pixie explosion’.

    3. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:43 pm

      In my cubicle world, I call it “If you poke your head over the divider again, David, I will punch you so hard that the entire row will die.”

      1. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 8:45 pm

        If I said that, I would likely be carted off as my cubicle is next to no one.

        1. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:47 pm

          How is that even a cubicle? Just a lone cubicle, swaying in the breeze? Did they even leave a way to get out of it? Are you sure it’s not just a shipping container in a warehouse?

          1. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 8:49 pm

            Yeah. I sit facing my bosses giant, spacious office and cement block and behind me is a rack of poster board. It is in theory a cubicle but I like to call it my “officette”

          2. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:52 pm

            Crazy.

            I was totally lying about having a cubicle anyhow. I just wanted to feel like one of the gang.

          3. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 9:04 pm

            and I thought you were cool. You just pushed it too far.

          4. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:11 pm

            A common mistake, that. It’s good that you caught it so early.

            I was experiencing a bout of senility there, remembering back before I had an office but a while after I had to make do with pen and paper in the middle of the street.

          5. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 9:12 pm

            Did you also have a sandwich board and give sermons about how the end is nigh?

          6. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:13 pm

            I had a sandwich board but I eated it. I couldn’t give my sermon because my mouf was full.

          7. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:13 pm

            I had a sandwich board but I eated it. I couldn’t give my sermon because my mouf was full.

          8. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 9:12 pm

            Did you also have a sandwich board and give sermons about how the end is nigh?

          9. variax November 28, 2007 at 9:11 pm

            A common mistake, that. It’s good that you caught it so early.

            I was experiencing a bout of senility there, remembering back before I had an office but a while after I had to make do with pen and paper in the middle of the street.

          10. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 9:04 pm

            and I thought you were cool. You just pushed it too far.

          11. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:52 pm

            Crazy.

            I was totally lying about having a cubicle anyhow. I just wanted to feel like one of the gang.

          12. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 8:49 pm

            Yeah. I sit facing my bosses giant, spacious office and cement block and behind me is a rack of poster board. It is in theory a cubicle but I like to call it my “officette”

        2. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:47 pm

          How is that even a cubicle? Just a lone cubicle, swaying in the breeze? Did they even leave a way to get out of it? Are you sure it’s not just a shipping container in a warehouse?

      2. bellachiara6 November 28, 2007 at 8:45 pm

        If I said that, I would likely be carted off as my cubicle is next to no one.

    4. variax November 28, 2007 at 8:43 pm

      In my cubicle world, I call it “If you poke your head over the divider again, David, I will punch you so hard that the entire row will die.”

  30. bellachiara6 November 27, 2007 at 8:06 pm

    Damnit, I am not laughing at you, I am laughing WITH YOU.

    AND I’M THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU TO POST THIS STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

    Hi, Variax… there is a description we like to use in the cubicle world for “laughter supression” and it is called “whale surfacing” because that is what people invariably sound like.

  31. damienwolfe November 29, 2007 at 2:26 am

    >>The worst part is that Amy was still…busy, so I couldn’t leave.<<

    I love that part. πŸ™‚

    You have interesting luck with people.

    1. admin November 29, 2007 at 6:59 am

      It’s that sort of ‘interesting luck’ that I think DOOMS me to do comedy.

      …it was seriously the worst thing ever, wanting to run out of the house and instead having to have the awkward ‘you are making me uncomfortable’ mini conversation.

    2. admin November 29, 2007 at 6:59 am

      It’s that sort of ‘interesting luck’ that I think DOOMS me to do comedy.

      …it was seriously the worst thing ever, wanting to run out of the house and instead having to have the awkward ‘you are making me uncomfortable’ mini conversation.

  32. damienwolfe November 29, 2007 at 2:26 am

    >>The worst part is that Amy was still…busy, so I couldn’t leave.<<

    I love that part. πŸ™‚

    You have interesting luck with people.

Comments are closed.