Bright and early on the 17th (everything feels early on three hours’ sleep), Tristan showed up–I strapped him into his surgical gown, slapped on my goggles, and we were off to the Lunchbox Lab.

In front of us in line for the lab were a couple of people I recognized from previous Flying Lab Software events, so it is clearly fate that we continue to run into one another for lab-related activities. The wife mentioned that when I appeared across the street, a great chorus arose with “She’s here!” and that she felt a little sad and left out that she didn’t know who I was…but then she did.

Seattle is a small, small town. Very small.

If you’ve never been to the Lab, they offer a selection of burger ‘experiments’, or you can create your own from an extensive list of ingredients. They also do house blends of meats: ‘Churken’–chicken and turkey, ‘dork’–duck and pork, and ‘Super Beef’ (I have no idea, maybe a blend of Superman and Bossie). Some short-sighted Yelp reviews have faulted the Lab for putting too much bacon on their burgers. The next day, they supposedly had construction workers lined up outside the door before they opened, who asked “Is this the place that has too much bacon?”

Pfft. Too much bacon.

I got the ‘Dork Freshman’–a dork burger with basil, grilled onions, and goat cheese, with a side of the garlic caesar potato salad, and a vanilla honey chai milkshake. And lo, it was delicious.

None of the employees even remarked on our science gear. Clearly this dress-up thing has been done there before.

After lunch, it was time for people to trek down to Renton for booze experiments set to a science themed playlist. Or, according to Napoleon, to pay attention to him and him exclusively. A shark could bite off his back half and he would be furious that no one was giving him a laser pointer to feebly drag himself after, trailing blood and gore.

In this picture are only half of the infamous all-nighter cupcakes. I was thrilled to pieces so many people recognized the frosting design on top was a brain, I’ve never piped on a design before and frankly it was more difficult than anticipated. Jason also told me that I could come make pastries for him anytime I want because they were delicious and these are exactly the sort of compliments that keep me motivated when I ultimately get overwhelmed by my grandiose plans for the next party–it’s my established pattern.

There was an actual scientist among us but she showed great restraint in not mocking us for our lack of science knowledge.

I would also like to take a moment to let you know that dreams come true.

They really, really do.

When I finish drinking this vodka straight from the skull (like any true badass would do), I will fill it with skittles. And eat those straight from the skull. Like any badass would do.

Tonya also brought me a jackalope head for my wall, wearing a string of pearls. Truly, I have the greatest friends in the universe. Once I have stopped trying to gore the dog with the horns to teach him his place in the food chain and have hung it on its proper place on the wall, I will post a photo–you can’t really capture its majesty, but I’ll try.

We then settled in to watch the MST3K version of “Mad Monsters” which was so awful, not even sarcastic robots could save it, and “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra” which I have seen going onto a thousand times and laugh every.single.time.

Of course, no evening would be complete without a breathalyzer test before the guests were on their way out.

Too much science? Hardly. Do you know what this could mean for science, Betty? It could mean real advances in the field of science, some of them good!

On Saturday, I met up with girlpirate, mystikdragon7, and rfjason to attend Emerald City Comic Con: The Dorkening. When I texted Kiki to let her know I’d arrived, she responded that it was insanely busy and they were headed over to Gameworks to get some food and see if the crowds would die down a bit. I decided to go in and grab my badge before heading over to Gameworks, and immediately saw what she meant, and felt it. The hall was so full of people, my claustro-people-phobia kicked in almost immediately. I’m mostly good in enclosed spaces, but when it comes to spaces crammed full of people, I am not so good. I get a little panicky and feel a lot like nerd-punching. There, in a sentence, why I am not interested in attending PAX pretty much ever again.

Luckily, before I punched any nerds, I ran into evillin, who defused my crowd rage by ranting about slow-moving crowds herself. Soon after, I swapped my ticket for a badge and rushed back out into the fresh air.

Gameworks was fairly empty, so much so that they were not serving entire sections of tables, only not informing customers of that fact who were patiently waiting for booze. Jason called out that I should flash my tits at the bartender to get him up to their table, and while I wasn’t at whip ’em out stage just yet, I did manage to get him to tell us where we actually SHOULD sit in order to be served.

While we waited approximately a year and six days for them to make three orders of fries and a hot dog, we played with action figures and watched Iron Man on Jason’s phone. This one is entitled “Eat me like a rancor”.

After sating our hunger (or in my case, covering myself in an insulating layer of a 25oz, eight dollar beer), we were prepared to face the crowds again, which had actually gone down significantly to a much more manageable level.

We then proceeded to mock people. Look at this guy’s pants. Can anyone tell me what’s going on with this guy’s pants? It’s sweatpants tucked into socks with shorts worn over the whole mess. Is this a thing now?

I would also like to know what’s going on with purple wig over the ponytail girl.

I had a horrible, horrible moment when I saw the guy facing the camera in the righthand corner of the purple wig photo. He looked shockingly like an ex of mine, also known as The Worst Person Alive, and I wondered if I was going to have to kill a man with a plastic lightsaber to the throat. Luckily, it was just a resemblance and no murders had to go down. Also, it was not my lightsaber, so there’s that, too. There’s only so much you can get away with, covered in blood and screaming “JEDI BUSINESS!”

People I ran into at the con: evillin, ravenmimura, goosezilla, strand, amazoni + husband, and Amber + Greg.

I also ran into His Hotness, Aaron Douglas. A couple of years ago, Kiki and I both paid for pictures with Jamie Bamber, but paying for photos and autographs was not in the budget this year. Aaron is still my faaavorite, though, and I saw he’d stepped away from his booth and I ambushed the poor man, starting off the conversation with the eloquent and tactful “*GASP* HI YOU’RE MY FAAAVORITE!!!”

He smiled and introduced himself, shook my hand, and I asked him if he remembered taking a picture with Tonya last year and resting his face on her chest. “Like…a shelf of boobs? Oh yeah, I remember those–uh, her!” I then inquired if the only way to get a picture with him was through, uh, official channels, and he smiled and immediately posed with me for a photo in his manly, manly arms. And at that moment, I died a little. With happiness. My faaaaaavorite.

Kiki then asked for a picture, threatening to cry if she did not get one, and he complied. I am glad to live in a world where obliging men will take photographs with fawning ladies and not ask for their money.

I then took an unauthorized photo of Leonard Nimoy, causing one frazzled security guard to plead and cry. Cry on, crybaby, if Spock is allergic to photographs that don’t cost $60, you should really enclose him in an area that’s not accessible by the general public.

We saw that people were going through the line and NOT getting autographs, just saying hi, and we figured there was no reason we couldn’t do the same. The woman collecting money asked each person in line for said monies, and my response was “I am of the lower class and would just like to meet and greet” and she waved me through. Then, for a brief moment, I held Leonard Nimoy’s hand in mine, and stole his powers. Just long enough to be uncomfortable, but not long enough for him to have to ask for it back. Just at that awkward level at which I consistently operate. I guess at least I didn’t squeal “You’re my faaaaaavorite!!” this time, which is progress.

One person I would’ve liked to meet but did not want to wait in the hours-long line was Jhonen Vasquez. Had I met him, I suppose our conversation would have been “OH MY GOD YOU ARE LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME AND UH LIKE WOW…UH…BYE” so neither he nor I missed much and he was probably better spared.

Some dude was wandering around with a camcorder, asking people “Wil Wheaton or Sheldon Cooper?” Apparently, I was the only person to make a face and answer “I DON’T CARE.” Good luck in your dork wars, boys.

After Kiki picked up her rad commission from Hijinks Ensue (which they are totally selling on their website now), we were pretty well done for the day. Next year: so much Jedi business in more senses than you could even imagine possible.