What to do with vacuums you just can’t fix? Turn them into vacuum monsters and station them outside to advertise your business, of course! True story: I had a nightmare about this place the day after visiting. Whether it was brought on by mild heat exhaustion due to a long, hot day in a car that doesn’t have air conditioning or my general aversion to household chores, I couldn’t say, but the fact remains that a dream about being surrounded, carried off, and devoured by vacuum monsters next to a lake of blood from their other victims is an unsettling association to make with vacuum repairs.

Spotted at 402 S Lucille St in Seattle, WA.

This sign basically came as news to me, because I thought the center of the universe was wherever I happened to be standing. Next you’ll be telling me that other people exist when I’m not around, which is patently untrue.

Spotted in Fremont, WA.

What came first, the giant chicken or the giant egg? If I was working on a project like this, it would for sure be the giant egg, as it’s much easier and would allow me to say I’m “half done” much sooner, which gives you a little insight into my creative process. Namely, that I’m lazy. It appears that the chicken used to have legs, but now doesn’t, for whatever reason, which also begs the question: we all know the saying about what the chicken does when its head is cut off…but what happens when it’s the legs instead?

Spotted on Bothell-Everett Highway in Bothell, WA.