Category Reviews

Life is a banquet, darling, and most poor fools are starving to death

Last night, courtesy of Arena, I saw the Seattle Symphony perform Play! at Benaroya Hall. The pieces played were overall a little Squaresoft-heavy, but that’s to be expected, as the maestro for this evening is the same person who conducted the ‘Dear Friends- Music from Final Fantasy’ symphonic concert.

This is something I was excited about all day yesterday–I’d never been to the symphony before. By the time I finished getting dressed up and got in the car, I was so keyed up I could hardly stand it.

The set list was as follows: Final Fantasy VII – Liberi Fatali Super Mario Bros Shenmue Battlefield 1942 Final Fantasy VII – Aerith’s Theme Sonic the Hedgehog Metal Gear Solid Kingdom Hearts

INTERMISSION

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Final Fantasy Series – Swing de Chocobo Chrono Trigger / Chrono Cross World of Warcraft Silent Hill 2 Halo The Legend of Zelda Guild Wars Final Fantasy VII – One-Winged Angel

Now, I understand that I was there on the kindnesses of others, that this was a videogame-thmed event, and I really shouldn’t judge…but judging is what I do. Here are some of the appalling behaviors I witnessed that YOU should not replicate:

1. The symphony is not a rock concert. You should not whoop and holler during performances, even if the pretty, shiny overhead screens show (oh my god) something you recognize! You may have spent a lot of time playing Guitar Hero, but under no circumstances is it EVER ok to shout ‘play freebird’ to an orchestra. Your mouth, as a matter of fact, should STAY SHUT throughout the evening. If you can’t handle that, walk the few blocks to Pioneer Square and argue loudly with the homeless. They will appreciate the attention, and symphony-goers will appreciate the fact that you’re gone.

2. Turn off your cell phones. Seriously. If you are too important to turn your phone off, you shouldn’t be wasting your time with frivolous amusements (and ruining them for others). Go! Go! For the good of the city! Out into the street! In front of a bus!

3. Leave your Utilikilt at home. Not appropriate. Your ‘dress jeans’, no matter how acid washed? Not appropriate. Coming in some sort of full-regalia black mage costume that you’re obviously SO PROUD of? NOT APPROPRIATE. Leave that shit for hippie festivals, Bon Jovi concerts, and nerd conventions, respectively. If the performers are all in tuxedos, the least you can do is put on a suit. Seriously.

If gamers really want video games to get respect as an art form, we need to show an equal amount of respect for other valid art forms, instead of behaving as if we’ve never left the house before.

Manipulating Humans For Fun and Profit

Each year, jimhark picks something off of my ridiculous Cthulhumas list and finds a way to give it to me, or a couple of gifts that combine for extra magic power. A couple of years ago, it was Samba De Amigo with the original maracas and mat, last year it was Rez (with the trance vibrator, no less!), and this year, it was the Johnny Depp real doll.

Or, rather, the closest thing going at this time, which means the first season of 21 Jump Street and a copy of Love and Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships, which may well be the creepiest book ever written.

The basic premise is as such: Because human beings have and love pets and grow attached to electronics, they will have and love and marry and have sex with robots.

It is an interesting argument, no doubt, but one that I consider fallacious and full of assumptions by connecting disparate ideas.

The first half of the book is all about love; the love humans have for pets, the attachment they can feel to electronics, and the transference of the love for pets to love for electronics when the electronics take on a familiar form (ie, Tamagotchi).

“The commodity thus becomes increasingly personalized to its owner through repeated use and interaction, and as it does so, it takes on, within the owner’s mind, an aura of uniqueness. Consciously the owner knows full well that his computer is more or less exactly the same as millions of other computers in the world, but subconsciously there develops in the mind of the owner the notion that this particular computer,hiscomputer, is unique, it is personal to him. And now that the commodity is no longer viewed as a commodity but as something unique, something personalized, it becomes part of its owner’s being, ‘symbolizing autobiographical meanings.’ The computer, if that is the commodity, becomes irreplaceable in the mind of its owner, even though clearly it could be replaced by another computer of the same make and model with the same amount of memory and the same operating system.” (p.29)

I completely disagree; it is not the computer that people become attached to (though I suppose in same cases, people DO, just like someone out there has to love Pauly Shore, though that person is not me) but the information on the computer; the things they’ve created. The photographs they’ve taken, the music they’ve made, the emo poetry they’ve written, the things that are unique to them. As long as the things unique to me are preserved, by which I mean things that I’ve created, and not media that is readily available elsewhere, you could swap out my computer every single night and I wouldn’t care a whit.

Levy then moves on to the love that humans have for pets, characterizing it thusly, “One important indicator demonstrated by the human love for animals is that humans are able to form bonds of love with nonhumans. Anyone who maintains that it is unnatural for us to love robots, on the basis that humans can only love other humans, therefore faces the instant refuation of their argument. Our love for pet animals also provides support for our understanding of why it is that many people form strong emotional attachments to robot pets…The fact that our love for our pets is understood by psychologists to be a form of attachment, the same phenomenon psychologists now accept as being the basis of romantic love, the same phenomenon that can have as its object computers or other artifacts, suggests that attachment permeates throughout the human-animal-artifact continuum.” (p.60-61)

Although attachment can happen with many things, pets included, and according to the unreferenced psychologists above, is the basis for romantic love, romantic love involves many other factors than simple attachment; only a small segment of the population genuinely loves animals in a romantic way, and zoophilia is not stated as being part of Levy’s assertions–that based on the attachment love we feel toward pets, we will eventually feel romantic love for robots. Given the full scope of Levy’s argument, the argument that human love for robots is unnatural is NOT refuted by the love humans feel for pets, as he is predicting love for robots in a completely different manner. According to hard science, everything we think and do is the result of chemicals interacting within the brain. Love may be nothing but biological chemistry, but within those chemical interactions lies the biological imperative to reproduce; though in the first world humans can more readily pick and choose when and if they do so, the urge is not stifled even if in the end, it’s tossed out in a condom. It is not biologically natural to see a robot as a reproductive partner.

When I don’t like to see myself as nothing more than a random combination of chemicals and chance (which is more often than I’d like to admit, maybe), when love feels like much more than preconditioned biology, Levy has an argument for why I’ll fall in love with robots as well:

“The empathetic robot, able to determine what makes a particular human feel good, will therefore have a head start in its attempts to seduce. The robot will do its best to create ‘feel-good’ situations, perhaps by playing one of its human’s favorite songs or by switching on the tv when its human’s favorite baseball team is playing, and then it will exhibit virtual feelings that mirror those of the human, whether they be feelings of enjoyment when hearing a particular song or cheering on a baseball team.” (p.143)

This is a perversion, a disgusting manipulation; at no point is Levy discussing self-aware robots, but things programmed to mimic humans, to manipulate them. What is love if there isn’t genuine reciprocity? Love is meaningful because it is difficult. A machine programmed to act as if it is reciprocating love, would be, in essence, a large-scale pacifier for those who are afraid to live, a ‘partner’ who will never disagree or will ‘reprogram itself to be less emotionally stable'(p. 145) if friction in a relationship is desirable. If, in your day-to-day life, you are a miserable cunt, a failed relationship with a human being can teach you how better to interact with the people around you; for fear of losing them via being an asshole. A robot? It will behave just like Animala in ‘The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra’–“Never disagree.” A robot, according to Levy, will be programmed to never fall out of love with you. So if human-robot relationships become as widespread as Levy is predicting, a whole new generation of people will grow to believe that their word is the final one on any subject, that they truly are special little snowflakes, and the population will become even crazier and shittier as a whole. As if humans needed another excuse to be shitty to one another.

Or look at this quote from earlier in the text:

“There is little point in programming a robot to tell plain or obviously ugly people that it finds them physically attractive, as the robot will lose credibility from any human partner who has the wit to detect the lie.”

Part of the joys of being in a relationship with someone is having an equal partnership, one where both partners have interests in things outside of the relationship, and outside of the scope of interest for their partner; it makes them interesting, it enriches you as a human being. Another part of the rich tapestry of human relationships is that different people find different aspects attractive; in the second half of the book, Levy talks constantly about sex–people paying for sex, sex toys ‘technologies’, I can’t even begin to enumerate the number of times he focuses in on how a user will be able to select penis size on their robot, and his entire book is pushing what seems to be his singular kink–and yet it seems he doesn’t comprehend that sexual attraction comes in a variety of forms, and some people considered ‘plain’ or ‘obviously ugly’ by conventional standards can be beautiful, sexual, and attractive in the eyes of others. We celebrate the differences, the uniqueness of our partners. Yet robots in Levy’s world, apparently, are programmed to detect only conventional beauty and attempt to convey it in an inoffensive manner; akin to telling a fat girl ‘you have such a pretty face (but…)’ or an ugly guy ‘You have such a great personality’. Considering that none of the robots in Levy’s world are self-aware, they do not have feelings, they cannot like or love or hate, why draw the line between one lie and another? Everything is a lie; the entire experience is a lie! A relationship with a robot would be nothing more than cold comfort–some programmer thousands of miles away rolling in money after coding a machine to tell you the lie that you’re not alone. Is our capacity for self-denial so grand that we can believe an unfeeling machine loves us?

The introduction includes one of the most self-important paragraphs I’ve ever read:

“Just as there are still those who dispute Darwinism, there will be those whose doubts and hostility toward what is written here will similarly emanate from their religious views. I do not expect the acceptance of love and sex with robots to become universal overnight. On the contrary, it would not surprise me if a significant proportion of readers deride these ideas until my predictions have been proved correct. It is inevitable that a measure of hostility will be expressed toward such concepts, just as there was hostility toward the ‘ridiculous’ notion that the earth is round rather than flat, toward the suggestion that the sun orbits our planet rather than vice versa, and toward the evolutionary studies that have shown man to be related to the apes.” (p.20-21)

I’m sorry, Levy, but voicing your similarity to the Japanese in regards to liking robots instead of fearing them like ‘westerners'(p.140) does not make you worldly, and wanting to pass your “I’d like to nail a robot and maybe divorce my wife and MARRY a robot” kink off as being normal hardly makes you Copernicus.

Monster Movies Part III

October 16th Tremors color, 1990. I used to love this movie, and one line in particular struck me and made me giggle every time–“Judas PRIEST that stinks!” I waited eagerly to hear it again…and realized that the line I’d loved so much had been in the edited-for-tv version, and in the non-edited version, it was the more plain “JESUS CHRIST that stinks!” More blasphemous? Maybe, depending on who you’re talking to. But definitely more boring.

October 17th Piranha II: The Spawning color, 1981. Holy hell, this was awful. And awesome. And awful. But awesome. Bonus points for starting the movie with a graphic underwater sex scene. Bonus points for really cheesy flying murderous fish. Minus points for ripping off one of the greatest movies of all time. (edit: Jaws.)

October 18th Reno 911 Halloween Episode color, 2003. No, not a movie, really. But to be frank and honest, I didn’t have a lot of time between work and going to see Rob Zombie, and when I got home, it was too late and I was too ston tired to watch something full-length. But Rob Zombie showed a lot of clips from ‘House of 1000 Corpses’ and ‘The Devil’s Rejects’ during his set–does that count?

October 19th The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D variax joined me for the movie, and I didn’t think it was possible, but I loved it even more in 3D. Stylistically, it’s a movie that transitions very well to 3D, to the point where I felt like I was hanging out in Halloween Town. It was worth the drive to cow-town through pouring rain and flooded-out roads.

October 20th Slumber Party Massacre color, 1982. I’m pretty sure that the only reason they include the basketball scene near the beginning is so that they could have a shower scene immediately afterward; which is even more peculiar since it parades itself around as a movie written by, directed by, and starring women, based on a book by a well-known feminist writer. For all that, I saw a hell of a lot of T&A in this movie. The serial killer wears a White Trash Suit–jeans with a jean jacket, something I’ve also heard referred to as the Canadian Tuxedo. So every time the murderer appeared onscreen, it was accompanied by exclamations of “Look out, it’s the Canadian!”

…He kills everyone with a portable drill, and doesn’t talk until the end, at which point I wished he’d never opened his mouth.

The best scene in the movie, by far, is when one of the girls finds a buzz saw with which to go after the serial killer, picks it up, and runs with it…not realizing that it was plugged into the wall, and she’s knocked off of her feet when she runs out of cord.

Also, I miss movies that tell you exactly what is going to happen in the title.

October 21st Ringu color, 1998. I figured I’d rather see the original than the remake, even if it means that reading subtitles might take away from the overall scariness. Now, I have been watching a lot of cheesy scary movies this month, but this is still by far one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. Still nothing to keep me from sleeping properly, but I hope to find more movies that follow this creepier, less visceral vein–gore doesn’t scare me. Even when he’s talking about the environment.

Up tonight: Alice, Sweet Alice.