I remember when I used to be awesomely skilled at videogames, or at least didn’t suck quite so much. Tonight, I started playing Fallout 3, got lost in an area consisting of about three rooms, used up all my ammo on giant roaches, gained confidence in my ability to kill and maim with a baseball bat, and then as soon as I figured out how to get out of the facility, some random dude straight-up killed me with a rock. Good old rock…nothing beats rock.
I fear my hair will never be the same. Also, I now have huge respect for people who put up tall mohawks on a regular basis, because it took a stupid amount of glue and hairspray just to get my hair up like this. I most embodied my sin while attempting to get ready; my hands were coated in glue and hair that had been yanked out by said glue, my hair kept flopping over instead of standing up straight and cool the way it was going to do in my imagination, and I was growing rapidly more frustrated.
I know that lust won my poll by a landslide, but I invited Amy to come with me to the party, and when I told her the theme, she immediately said she would just dress skanky and go as lust, and frankly, I didn’t want to compete with that. The least popular sin was gluttony, with all of one representative, who just hung out by the snack table all night.
It was one hell of a party–by the end of the night, it basically devolved into an orgy. Lust (not Amy) unbuttoned Envy’s entire button-down dress, using her mouth, Pride got jealous and started making out with Envy, Wrath (not me) ended up having her clothes torn off of her by various partygoers, and it was really a smashing way to ring in the new year. I used my extra leap-second to fire nerf weaponry, we all drank fine champagna, and now I’m off to dunk my head in a gallon of conditioner.
Yesterday marks the first time I ever felt underdressed at a movie theater. Jez picked me up and we went to see Quantum of Solace at the ‘Gold Class Cinema’ in Redmond, which is stupidly opulent in a really fantastic way. There are all of twenty-four seats in each theater, with each seat a plush recliner. Before the show, the black-tie clad servers bring out soft blankets in case you get chilly, you can pre-order food and drink to be brought to your seat at specific points during the movie, and should you not have anticipated all of your needs ahead of time, you can summon a server via a button on the center console. It’s a bit like what I imagine my life would be like if I won the lottery, only with less whining and fewer diamonds in my champagne.
Of course, it’s important to bring immediate balance to the scales lest the fates exact a greater toll at a later date, which must be the explanation for how we ended up at The Rosalie Whyel Museum of Doll Art later that afternoon.
When was the last time YOU felt darn right giddy? Personally, I didn’t feel anything close to giddy while we were there, but rather, I felt a pervasive sense of creepiness. We ended up wisely visiting the gift shop instead of taking the museum tour itself, as there are limits on how many dead eyes staring out of disembodied heads you can have staring at you before you go hair-pulling insane.
Look! You could own this gem with a ‘lovely, serene expression’* for only $4,500!
You, too, could experience The Rosalie Whyel Museum of Doll Art as part of your next special occasion, be it a wedding, birthday party, or even a business meeting–can you do any less?
*aka Horrorina from HorrorTown