Bond, James Bo–WTF?!


Yesterday   marks the first time I ever felt underdressed at a movie theater. Jez picked me up and we went to see Quantum of Solace at the ‘Gold Class Cinema’ in Redmond, which is stupidly opulent in a really fantastic way. There are all of twenty-four seats in each theater, with each seat a plush recliner. Before the show, the black-tie clad servers bring out soft blankets in case you get chilly, you can pre-order food and drink to be brought to your seat at specific points during the movie, and should you not have anticipated all of your needs ahead of time, you can summon a server via a button on the center console. It’s a bit like what I imagine my life would be like if I won the lottery, only with less whining and fewer diamonds in my champagne.

Of course, it’s important to bring immediate balance to the scales lest the fates exact a greater toll at a later date, which must be the explanation for how we ended up at The Rosalie Whyel Museum of Doll Art later that afternoon.


When was the last time YOU felt darn right giddy? Personally, I didn’t feel anything close to giddy while we were there, but rather, I felt a pervasive sense of creepiness. We ended up wisely visiting the gift shop instead of taking the museum tour itself, as there are limits on how many dead eyes staring out of disembodied heads you can have staring at you before you go hair-pulling insane.

Look! You could own this gem with a ‘lovely, serene expression’* for only $4,500! Wooden

You, too, could experience The Rosalie Whyel Museum of Doll Art as part of your next special occasion, be it a wedding, birthday party, or even a business meeting–can you do any less?

*aka Horrorina from HorrorTown

17 Comments Bond, James Bo–WTF?!

  1. notlostonme December 30, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Dolls have inhabited every single nightmare I have ever had. Ever!

    1. admin December 30, 2008 at 8:50 pm

      I think the producers of Chucky had it wrong. The doll doesn’t need to MURDER for it to be creepy. All they would’ve needed to do to make the scariest horror film of all time is to fade from one creepy doll face to the next for an hour and a half with a foreboding soundtrack.

      1. notlostonme December 30, 2008 at 8:55 pm

        Especially if they used ones that looked like burn victims. Old dolls always look like burn victims. Clumps of hair missing, half melted faces, mouths all pulled to the side in grimaces. For some reason, burn victims are not scary, but half-melted-doll-victims ARE.

  2. scearley December 30, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    i guarantee that every doll expert on every antiques road show is a pedo.

    1. admin December 30, 2008 at 8:51 pm

      “This was the first child-size doll with lifelike skin!”

      1. leighhyphenanne December 30, 2008 at 9:36 pm

        note the partially open mouth and lifelike hands… They look like they could really jerk… I mean… Hold something round

        1. admin December 30, 2008 at 10:34 pm

          Show me on the doll where I touched you. Yeah, that’s right.

          1. admin December 30, 2008 at 11:02 pm

            Re: two words:

            You’re making me tingle in my mutton chop area, little girl.

          2. leighhyphenanne December 30, 2008 at 11:05 pm

            Re: two words:

            I should stop participating in this conversation before a potential employer finds it.

          3. admin December 30, 2008 at 11:06 pm

            Re: two words:


            *edit* haha yeah this is especially damning when you’re looking to work with children.

          4. leighhyphenanne December 30, 2008 at 11:08 pm

            Re: two words:

            In the words of the Gnostic christians (regarding christ’s resemblance to about 25 other deities) “plajorism by preconception”

            Only…”termination by preconception”

            If you’re ever in HR, you should use that line…

          5. admin December 30, 2008 at 11:16 pm

            Re: two words:

            God help EVERYONE if I ever end up in a position of authority like HR.

  3. lemur68 December 30, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    Oh, to be 16 again and have a Hot Topic-type girlfriend to take to that scary doll museum, and then we do it that night and the next day she cuts her arms all up and dumps me for that 36-year-old Steak & Shake manager

    1. admin December 30, 2008 at 11:05 pm

      Shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake Djibouti, shake Djibouti!

      How could she not? She could soothe her cuts with as many hand-whipped milkshakes as she could possibly want, until she had to shop at Torrid.

  4. shadowstitch December 31, 2008 at 2:00 am

    Do they offer lock-in sleepovers?

    1. admin December 31, 2008 at 2:25 am

      If only!


Comments are closed.