On Friday, a group of us went to see Best Worst Movie at the Central Cinema, which may well become my new favorite theater because their upcoming events list looks amazing AND they serve beer. Coming soon: the Michael Jackson sing-along, Choose Your Own Adventure VHS, and a showing of The Room (the Citizen Kane of bad movies) WITH Tommy Wiseau in attendance.

I may well decide it’s worth my $60 if I can get Tommy Wiseau to record my new voicemail message: “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART, MELISSA!” The desire to have this little bit of amazing for my very own, forever, must be weighed against the realities of giving Tommy Wiseau sixty dollars, well-knowing that he could use that money to make another movie. It’s a toss-up at this point.

Just a little bit of my desire has been sated with this, a talking Tommy Wiseau bobblehead. He speaks several phrases, including “I did naaaaaat!”, “Oh hi, Denny!”, “You know what they say: Love is blind.”, “I’m fed up with this world!”, and, again, my personal favorite, “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!”.

Best Worst Movie was a very enjoyable documentary, not only focusing on the surprising second life of Troll 2 as a cult classic, but revisiting each of the actors (many of whom have not acted in anything else since), and the director, who cannot believe that anyone dares to call his artful masterpiece a bad movie. One of the actors, extremely likeable George Hardy, has given up acting to become a dentist, though he talked wistfully about how he wishes he could have done more, acting-wise. One of the actors has receded into madness. One of the actors was mad prior to and during filming, which explains a lot about his scenes in the movie. Another hit a genuinely sad note when he talked about how he’d frittered away his life, “but that’s what a life is for, right? Frittering away.” Even the majority of our group, who hadn’t seen Troll 2, found it entertaining and worth watching. They weren’t able to stay virgins for much longer, however, as immediately after the documentary, we were given a bonus showing of Troll 2, so no one was able to sleep peacefully that night.

During the movie, Brendan leaned over and asked a passing waitress if he could have another beer. I asked if I could have another as well, and she replied “Are you from Wisconsin?” I was confused. What had I said that was a regionalism? “Kenosha, Wisconsin?” she continued. “I’m Sonja S____.” “HOLY SHIT.” It was a girl with whom I went to high school! Halfway across the country! And she recognized my face/voice at a whisper in a dark theater! What are the odds?

Have you ever seen Troll 2? Widely recognized as one of the worst movies of all time, Troll 2 is the subject of a recent documentary, Best Worst Movie. Troll 2 was named as such to capitalize on the relative success of Troll; however, the movie contains precisely zero trolls, and is, in fact, about goblins. Awful, awful, vegetarian goblins from the town of Nilbog who are terrified of the cholesterol content in meat. However, it does have a memorable corn-on-the-cob sex scene, and a molotov cocktail-throwing grandpa from beyond the grave.

“Two decades later, the film’s now-grown-up child star (Michael Paul Stephenson) unravels the improbable, heartfelt story of the Alabama dentist-turned-cult movie icon and the Italian filmmaker who come to terms with this genuine, internationally revered cinematic failure.”

Best Worst Movie will be screening at the Central Cinema on June 18th, 9:30pm. Tickets are six bucks if you buy in advance and you can drink in the theater, plus cast & crew will be in attendance. Why wouldn’t you come?

After seeing that Troll 2 ranked #61 on the IMDB’s top 100 worst movies, I decided to check out how many of these cinematic masterpieces I’ve seen.

I just saw RoboGeisha at SIFF last night* and it may make my all-time top ten favorite list. Typically when I say “What the fuck, Japan? What the fuck?”, it’s done with a measure of eyebrow-raising and general befuddlement. This instance of “What the fuck, Japan? What the fuck?” is said with the purest love. Love for robot girls who shoot metal out of every orifice and buildings that mysteriously bleed when being smashed by a giant dancing robot. Love for a businessman who is chatting on his cell phone while in the middle of a swordfight with goblins. Love for every second of ridiculously campy dialogue.

I would have preferred more prosthetic effects paired with fake blood to the mainly-CGI blood employed, but overall the humor more than makes up for some sub-par gore, even in a splattercore film.

*Hey SIFF guys, just a thought: If you’re playing a subtitled film, maybe put it in a theater with better stadium seating than the Neptune so people can actually read the subtitles without wishing for a guillotine for the head of the person in front of them or having to crank their head awkwardly and lean into the seat of the person next to them? Maybe?