I’ve been making a little more effort with things like hair and makeup lately–and when I say effort, I actually mean effort. It’s something I have to work at, because really, while I like feeling like I look nice, I mostly don’t give enough of a crap to try. An extra 15 minutes of sleep in the morning or blowdried hair? Sleep generally wins. Another extra 15 minutes or makeup? SLEEP.

Well, I’ve learned two important makeup lessons over the past two days that I’d like to share with you.

FIRST. If you are using, say, a lip balm mostly composed of cocoa butters and the like, it’s not a good idea to keep it in your pocket, as when you go to open it up, it will have melted and warm, oily, smelly butters will explode out all over one’s desk, pants, and office chair, making it look as if one had a horrible, unspeakable accident.

SECOND. Nothing makes you look more awake with a minimal amount of effort in the morning than a little blush. I prefer a liquid blush because it goes on very sheer. However, an important thing to remember is to make sure it is closed before you go to pick it up, as it will spill all over everything, staining one’s desk, pants, and office carpet a horrifying shade of red.

CAN MY WARDROBE AND OFFICE REALLY STAND ANY MORE EXPERIMENTATION WITH MAKEUP? REALLY?

Makeup? $30. Time spent applying it? Negotiable. Destroying several pieces of furniture and an outfit in only a few seconds? Priceless.