^{Photo via Salt & Straw}

Something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving: someone has finally pushed the envelope and made ice cream for every course of your holiday meal–hazelnut rosemary stuffing, salted caramel thanksgiving turkey, honey bourbon corn pudding, sweet potato casserole with maple pecans, and spiced chevre pumpkin pie. I’m only picking one for today’s poll and since we already covered Sweet Corn Ice Cream back in 2009, Salt & Straw describes their Salted Caramel Thanksgiving Turkey flavor thusly: “A head rush of sweet and salty with a pinch of adventure. All the flavors of a roasted turkey, its juices and the caramelized onions underneath, are packed into a turkey fat caramel ice cream, then speckled with handmade fried turkey skin brittle.”

Pros: That feeling you get as an adult when you’re eating ice cream for dinner, there is absolutely no way this turkey is dry, that feeling you get when you’re eating multiple kinds of ice cream for dinner.

Cons:  So, uh, is the creamy part of the ice cream turkey fat, because I don’t know how to deal with that, and I also don’t know how to feel about fried turkey skin brittle and caramelized onion ice cream, and maybe the Thanksgiving meal flavors are just not meant to be ice creamized, or soda-ized for that matter.

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Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Whatever you voted, I hope your meal is delicious and you’re surrounded by the best people.

This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. PepsiCo is testing Mountain Dew flavored with Doritos at select colleges and universities, and calling the resulting abomination “Dewitos”. Also in the running must have been “Dorm Room: The Beverage”, “Gamez Quencher”, and “Malnutrition: A Portrait of the United States”.

Pros: It’s basically the college fine wine pairing but all at once so you don’t waste any time sniffing and swirling and commingling in your mouth, the fine flavor of Doritos kicking your Mountain Dew up a notch, the fine flavor of Mountain Dew sprinkled atop a Dorito without any sharp edges, saving money on buying Mountain Dew and Doritos separately so you can splurge on the fancy gum to cleanse your palate, no more tiresome chewing

Cons: My great readers have already determined the proper ways to consume mass quantities of liquid nacho cheese and none of them involved blending it with Mountain Dew, not the drink we need (though possibly the one we deserve), mentally envisioning the flavor of a soggy Mountain-Dew-logged Dorito, drinking this is like making a pact with the junk food devil: you’ll never be truly clean again

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via ThinkGeek

Oh chocolate, you giveth and you taketh away, giving us a desire for dessert and at the same time, a revulsion so great that we may never eat dessert again. What is the lesson we’ve learned? If it can be covered in chocolate, it will be covered in chocolate. And someone will probably eat it. Is that someone you?

Pros: Enrobed in chocolate like all the finest things in life, devenomed for your eating pleasure, not eating insects is just a western social construct, probably like the crunchiest chocolate covered chip in the world…

Cons: …Except that it’s also filled with goo and is made of scorpion, you have to chew the stinger thoroughly to prevent it from scratching your esophagus on the way down which means more time in your mouth, given our Western social constructs you can prepare to never be tongue-kissed again by attractive people who now know you’re a bug-eater, being haunted by the ghost of a pissed off scorpion who can call his fully-venomous brethren on you

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