It’s a food rule that putting two delicious foods together results in a superfood that’s slightly more than twice as delicious. Cheese and burgers? Check. A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla? Check. A spicy chicken strip rolled up in a pizza slice? Ok, maybe that was invented just now, but the point is that two great tastes together taste even greater. Some monstergenius has taken this to the next level and deep-fried bacon-wrapped Oreos.

Pros: It’s bacon, it’s oreos, it’s deep-fried, what’s not to like? Bacon bacon bacon!

Cons: The bacon and frying process may overwhelm the stuf, which is integral to the oreo experience, and may in fact be the best part of the oreo experience. Deep frying, sadly, does not always make foods tastier. They just plain do not look appetizing and you eat with your eyes first, especially desserts. Bacon fatigue–is there anywhere it won’t wrap its bacony fingers? Is nothing sacred?

 Loading ...

What the hell, dairy industry? We’re only supposed to get thirty sweet noggy days in December, and spend the rest of the year atoning for our eggnog overindulgences. But now there’s an eggnog or an unusual flavored milk for nearly every season! I’m still waiting for the limited edition Patriot Nog in July with a mix-in packet of pop rocks so you can drink fireworks. Or rose-flavored Mother’s Day nog. Year round birthday cake nog!

Peeps have never been on the top of my Easter candy consumption list, and this seems to be true for a lot of other people as well given the proliferation of things around the internet people have done to avoid eating them. Now their very essence has been drained, their tiny Peep-y souls sucked out and blended with milk for your pleasure. You monster.

But wait, there’s more–one of them is pastel yellow, the most appetizing of all milk colors next to green milk (Let’s be real though, all non brown or white milk colors are kind of nauseating)! Is that the nog? Or the marshmallow, as a homage to classic Peeps yellow? Either way, you’re in for a, uh…treat.

Pros: We’re getting older, time is going by faster, why not use strange milks to mark the seasons? You could probably make fancy starbucks style drinks for pennies on the dollar if only you can look your checkout person in the eye when buying Peeps milk (but that’s what robo registers are for!). These are absolutely loaded with sugar so soon you’ll be hyped up with Peeps Brand Energy!

Cons: The inevitable comedown from your Peeps Brand Energy high and chasing that limited edition Peeps Brand Dragon which means eventual Peeps Brand Rehab, yellow milk, if it’s anything like an actual Peep it will manage to be stale, chewy, and grainy (mmmmm!), eventual burnout on festive nogs, isn’t it getting a little too warm out for nog anyway?

 Loading ...

“Here’s some Nilbog milk. Special milk. High in vitamin content. Here, it’s free. Of course it’s free. We love tourists here in Nilbog. Try some, boy. And have some of your friends drink some also.”

So what do you say, friends? Care to drink some vitamin rich mint vanilla green milk in your latte, on your cereal, or as a tall, refreshing accompaniment to dinner?

Pros: Everybody’s talking about the benefits of green smoothies so this is a way for you to join in without any (shudder) vegetables getting involved, you can make your own shamrock shakes instead of being bound by the St. Patrick’s Day only tyranny of the McDonalds corp, serves double-duty as a breath freshener, the preferred beverage of  the leprechaun council, could make your Lucky Charms more magically delicious

Cons: Green milk looks like it was curdled out of the diseased udder of a zombie cow, may have been squeezed from actual endangered leprechauns, will almost certainly cause you to be eaten by a Nilbog goblin

 Loading ...