Category Nom or Vom

Nom or Vom: So one of those egg council creeps got to you too, huh?

It is so much easier to take a picture and start to write a snarky post in my head than it is to actually write anything. Nevertheless, there’s a bunch of stuff coming down the pike (content heavy posts! This is not one of them!). I’ve been going out and doing things while I’ve been neglecting this blog like it was my very own ugly child, and while that’s well and good, I refuse to allow “lack of time” be a reason for me to stop writing alltogether, because it’s a lame excuse.

Who cares, let’s get to the booze!

I found this baby in the liquor section of the duty-free shop on my way back into the States. There are several reasons to visit Canada, two of which are ketchup chips and the privilege of buying liquor tax free. Warninks Advocaat: eggs and booze, together at last. AGED eggs and booze. Now, it is my understanding that a lot of things go on in Holland, but seriously guys, are you high??!? What made you think that something that looks this curdled would make a great export? I am familiar with eggnog, but I have yet to find an eggnog so thick I have to eat it with a spoon.

Pros: Man, you always are talking about not getting enough protein and this will help you out. If you’re eating it with a spoon at your desk, it looks less like alcoholism and more like you’re someone who eats yogurt that helps you poop. It’s tax free.

Cons: I would imagine it slithers down your throat in chunks, like burning vomit jello. Yellow #5. The aforementioned throat slithering action.

Would you drink this?

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Nom or Vom: “Pardon me for asking, but where the hell’s my stupid lobster ice cream?”

I’ve heard of super-premium ice cream, but this is ridiculous: creamy buttery ice cream packed with chunks of frozen lobster. Dessert? Dinner? WORLDS ARE COLLIDING. Dinner ice cream is killing dessert ice cream!

Pros: This product contains ice cream.

Cons: This product also contains lobster. Frozen chunks of lobster. Have you ever eaten a frozen chunk of seafood? We thaw it for a reason.

 

Would you eat this?

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Nom or Vom: “Oh, I’m sorry, we were talking about chocolate?” “THAT WAS TEN MINUTES AGO!”

First there was chocolate. Then came nuts and caramel. Now there’s a plethora of new and interesting flavors to help chocolatiers stand out from the crowd. Here’s a trio on which you may now pass judgment.

Milk chocolate with kettle chips: a little bit salty, a little bit sweet, I imagine the people who wouldn’t try this one are chocolate purists and potato haters.

Pros: Chocolate, chips, salt to cut the sweet, sweet to cut the salt Cons: Carbs in your carbs

Would you eat a potato chip chocolate bar?

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Now for a slightly more complex flavor: dark chocolate with chipotle, salt, and popping candy.

Pros: You can eat this and pretend to be heart healthy as it’s dark chocolate! Plus it seems like a natural finisher for a meal from chipotle, right? Cons: Maybe too much going on at once with the bitter, salt, hot, AND popping. I have already determined that chocolate covered pop rocks are not good.

Would you eat a salted chipotle pop rock chocolate bar?

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Last in our tour of the land of chocolate is the chicken tikka masala chocolate bar. Knowing that you couldn’t be satisfied with the mere essence of chicken, like the chicken and waffles syrup folks, this chocolate bar features real chunks of freeze-dried chicken.

Pros: It’s dessert, but it’s also a meal! Cons: I’m not sure that I need the extra dimension of stringy chicken to make my chocolate more delicious.

Would you eat a chicken tikka masala chocolate bar?

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