Category Everything is Terrible

IMPORTANT POLL

10 Comments read Everything is Terrible

I would not typically poll two entries in a row, but since mschilepepper revealed that she was drive-by masturbated at, I am absolutely dying to know how many people I know who have had this happen to them. Yeeeears ago, I remember that spanishbombs joined an email list for truckers who liked to masturbate while driving and posted some of their hilarious messages, so maybe this is not as uncommon as I would like to believe!

Poll #1342956 Heeeeeere chickchickchickchick Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 28

Have you ever been drive-by masturbated to/at?

View Answers Yes 5 (18.5%)No 22 (81.5%)

If so, please tell the story.

If not, would you like to have this happen?

View Answers Yes 1 (3.7%)Hell no! 7 (25.9%)

It depends…is the masturbator hot? 11 (40.7%)

Please do not take this as a cue to masturbate at me, Mellzah. 8 (29.6%)

Have you ever been an unwitting participant in anyone’s sexual activity? (Flashing, foot-stomping, etc. Let us keep it freaky and light, please. I am not trying to dredge up traumatic experiences.)

View Answers Yes 14 (53.8%)No 12 (46.2%)

Please share with the class.

zophos — Foot-stomping is a sexual activity now? One time I walked in on some lesbians having sex in what had to have been the nastiest public restroom ever. This was after a random guy put his tongue in my ear with no introduction.
ryanlion — In college the roommate of a guy I was seeing would have beyond normal loud sex with his GF, it didn’t help that the walls were paper thin. We’d make fun of them, to their face, they’d laugh with us, and be just as noisy the next time.
dslartoo — Have heard a neighbor having sex before. Talked to her the next morning, made an off-color remark about it and she went BRIGHT red. Never heard her after that, which was a shame.
maps_or_guitars — Although I might have been. I mean, the whole thing about being an unwitting participant is that you don’t know you’re participating.
piemancer — O, just folks on the bus. Not even exciting folks. Just folks who think proximity means arousal.
watchout5 — She wanted goat noises…
crazyfaeriegirl — Flashing and naked-girl-parties. I was actually the only dressed female at the naked girl party and got harassed for it. It kinda sucked.
penguinet — See above and a friend emailed me today to see if I had any new pictures. Apparently he caught his friend masturbating at his computer to my picture. I was like, uhm…
autonomic_pilot — I was at the SPCC and they were… looking… at me. It helped that they were both chicks and pretty easy on the eys.
mschilepepper — I dated a guy who I later learned has a sneezing fetish. I have allergies. ‘Nuff said.
darkkatpouncing — Driving down the road my friend John driving and we look to the left and he says “IS THAT ASS?” and indeed there was a big round ass pushed up against the window of a van…hells NO LOL.
spinningfire — Well, I do run a masturbation party………….
lady_sotha — I walked in on the beginnings of an orgy at some Halloween party years ago. Definitely weird.

If you had a choice, who would you prefer to be targeted by?

View Answers Drive-by masturbators 5 (18.5%)Flashers 11 (40.7%)

Bus-fondlers 1 (3.7%)

Neighbors who fuck so hard they knock down things in your home 7 (25.9%)

Dressing room sales clerks who make you feel so, so dirty 6 (22.2%)

The foot-fetishist shoe salesperson who maybe holds onto your feet well past your comfort zone. 2 (7.4%)

Shoe-mirror guys 0 (0.0%)

Someone who pokes a package of ground meat while staring at you intently 6 (22.2%)

Mellzah 17 (63.0%)

 

IMPORTANT POLL

15 Comments read Everything is Terrible

 

 

Poll #1335758 Don’t Send In The Clowns Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 24

What do you think the clown’s intentions are with the young, rosy-cheeked, gimpy-armed boy?

pretzelcoatl — Virgin sacrifice. In more ways than one.
scearley — He’s collecting on a bet the tyke made. Teach that kid to bet on the canadians in Ice Dancing…..
stationary_jew — To introduce him to the ways of Gomorrah.
maps_or_guitars — Well, from the look of those arms, not a handjob.
dslartoo — Three words: John Wayne Gacy.
whobyfire78 — anal penetration of course.
crazyfaeriegirl — D: I don’t even want to know. The thought is terrifying.
apestyle — Shuffleboard on the poopdeck.
distance_to_sky — Given the position of that kid’s hand, I can only imagine that trans-dimensional clowns are the newest forces of the NAMBLA occupation of America.
leighhyphenanne — omg raaaaape
watchout5 — Anal Penetration via Full Nelson
mrsamedi — It’s best not to know.
penguinet — He’s herding him away because he doesn’t look happy enough. Unhappy kids go to the reprogramming area.
beachin — It can’t be good. “Come with me, kid.”
faerieburst — He’s checking to make sure sis in the wheelchair is occupied before he drags bro behind a curtain. BAD CLOWN!
mewelke — a reminder that “fist” can be a verb.
uncledisgusting — he is going to take him to “up the arse” corner.

Can you trust a clown that can stand beside you and behind you at the same time?

View Answers Can you you ever trust a clown? 9 (37.5%) 

Just because a grown man wears a death mask made of paint and bends space-time is no reason to not trust him, Mellzah. I’m ashamed of you. 6 (25.0%)

:shudder: Trans-dimensional clowns 9 (37.5%)

THEN. CAME. THE CLOWNS.

View Answers NO! Not the clowns! 14 (63.6%) 

Don’t send in those clowns, they always bring me down. 8 (36.4%)