THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

I spent Christmas Eve with Aisling’s family–I’ve been there often enough that I’ve pretty well been embraced as part of the family, like inbred cousin Cletus who just shows up on the doorstep, and you feed him because you don’t want him to eat roadkill or starve but ultimately it’s a mistake because he just keeps coming back. I’m that guy.

Like a couple of years ago, we again played the name game. We didn’t pull any magically hilarious names out of the ether like Sir Charles Titswamp this time, but I must admit to being delighted when someone pulled one of my contributions to the box, didn’t recognize the character, and had to do mental gymnastics to get someone to guess it. Especially when the reward was finding out she’d been focusing on a talking piece of Christmas poo.

After the name game, this year we had a white elephant so that we might all share love and joy and the worst gifts ever conceived. You might ask how it is that I ALWAYS have something at home to bring to a white elephant, and I might ask you to shut up, embarrassed that I live such a tacky life.

I walked away with this gem:

This DVD contains the sixteen greatest minutes of footage ever committed to film. It’s so good, they had to copyright it twice. It’s so good, it makes sixteen minutes feel like an hour. It’s so good, it’s not embarrassed about using the same footage a few times over the course of said sixteen minutes. Not only has it taught me everything about building the world’s best family, it’s also taught me that the world is a cruel place and the only place you are actually safe is WITH your awesome family. Additionally, it has taught me the importance of fun activities and enjoying refreshments. One thing that can be constituted as a fun activity is jumping on a trampoline in a circle, holding hands with your family. This is why I am deadly, seriously, honest-to-god-no-lie proposing an outing to Sky High Sports with as many people as I can convince to come with me, with delicious refreshments before or after depending on how people feel about eating and bouncing. I will build a family with you people whether you like it or not. How does Saturday, January 16th look for everyone? Here is a hint: It had better look good. Family members who do not participate in family outings are subject to vicious beatings. That’s the way my family works.

Helpful sign is helpful. I’d like to see more pronunciations as part of standard signage.

You know that whomever owns this studio put this sign up after being driven nuts listening to people call it pie-lay-tees all day. This is the product of focused irritation.