Oh hey, I see my trashy upstairs fight-club-hosting neighbors have finally gotten rid of that nasty mattress that has been hanging off their back porch for months!
…goddamnit.
Does this mean it’s my problem now?
Category Everything is Terrible
Freak Magnet: When even walking isn’t safe anymore.
This morning on my walk to work, I looked up and noticed a tiny asian man waving at me from a car near the carpet store. “What the hell?” I thought, and waved back.
I thought “WHAT THE HELL” with a different inflection when half a mile later, the same car was blocking my pathway, and the same tiny asian man was indicating that he wanted me to take out my headphones. He told me that he’d ‘noticed’ me, begged for my phone number, asked if he could pleaaaaaaaaaaase take me out to lunch sometime.
Thanks, guy. I would be flattered if you didn’t scare the hell out of me.
The rest of my way to work, I made certain to take pathways on which I could not be followed by car, walking down train tracks and on a bike path through woods. That’s an interesting start to the week.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s the biggest midget in the game
Yesterday, I got a wild hair up my ass to get my hands on a router, hook up my game consoles, and join the decade currently in progress. Before I allowed myself to go get one, I forced myself to do my daily workout–yesterday’s was intervals of cardio and weight training, which kicked my ass. As I am a gross person and I was crunched for time, I put my hair up in a ponytail afterward, slapped on some fresh deodorant, changed my clothes, wrestled with the dog, and hopped in the car to go to Fry’s.
On my way in, I decided to try an experiment–I have always had bad experiences at Fry’s, namely concerned with being ignored by employees, even if they are actively looking to help people and I am actively looking for help. I’ve had it impressed upon me lately that we inform the world how to treat us by our own behaviors–our posture, etc, so instead of shuffling in with my head down, refusing to make eye contact, I stood as tall as possible and walked in like I owned the place. The difference was night and day: salespeople were friendly, helpful, and conversational instead of disappearing from whatever aisle I was currently located.
While looking at routers, I noticed a very handsome man looking at me. I caught his eye, and he told me that he liked my shirt. I thanked him and then he said he knew it was a woot shirt because he was the one who started shirt.woot, and that he and his coworkers were busy setting up their new Seattle office, which is what brought them to Fry’s. We talked for a bit longer, he gave me his email address, saying that he’d send me a shirt, and I squeed a little…and as soon as I walked away, I realized I was entirely covered in dog hair and looked like holy hell. Mr. Handsome probably thought that I was homeless and could use a new shirt.
Adulthood. One day I’ll get there.
I hooked into Netflix streaming last night, and I have got a problem with my xbox–it makes my tv buzz horribly. The problem is more evident at some times than others; I initially attributed it solely to Mass Effect but that’s not the case. The best way I can describe the noise is ultra-loud fluorescent lights. On some games, the problem doesn’t occur–it didn’t happen once the whole time I played Arkham Asylum, for example. On others, like the Mass Effect menu screen, it’s glaringly obvious. I streamed South Park’s Imaginationland last night and some scenes were fine, some buzzed horribly, and sometimes it would flip back and forth several times–like, one character would say a line and it would be buzz-free, and then they’d flip to another character and the buzz would start again…it is impossible to tune out and it’s driving me nuts. I’ve checked my xbox sound system settings and they seem fine, I’ve fucked around with the TV speaker settings even though the problem doesn’t happen with anything other than the xbox and I am at a loss. Someone help me fix this before I start swinging a baseball bat randomly around my living room!
Anyhow, my 360 and PS3 are now hooked up to Al Gore’s Internet, so if you were inclined to be xbox friends with me, my gamertag is Mellzahbot. I don’t know how one makes friends on the PS3, but that doesn’t really matter as I don’t have many games for that system at all. Unless someone wants to play Eye of Judgment with me? Yes? OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!