Date Archives April 2014

Nom or Vom: Blue Balls the ice cream

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Photo from Lick Me I’m Delicious

Lick Me I’m Delicious created a custom ice cream flavor for “an A-list celebrity client” (of course, your average butthole on the street isn’t going to dose all of his buddies with prescription drugs for funsies): champagne and Viagra. Each scoop of ice cream is dosed with 25mgs Viagra and flavored like champagne. Obviously the only way you’d be able to try this concoction for now is to make it yourself, but the question here is WOULD you eat it, not WILL you eat it. What say you, nom or vom?

Pros: Dude, not only did you eat ice cream and catch a buzz, you also caught a boner! High five! Or low five! You have a celebrity friend, congratulations! You’re basically eating exclusivity, that’s what it tastes like.

Cons: The potential for getting a boner for more than four hours because you ate too much ice cream, champagne headaches, alcohol and sugar headaches, the very real possibility that you’ll get a boner from this novelty item and then have nothing to do but waggle it around aimlessly in front of your so-called friends,  and any of the myriad side effects listed on boner commercials: Bladder pain, burning feeling in the chest or stomach, burning, crawling, itching, numbness, prickling, “pins and needles” or tingling feelings, cloudy or bloody urine, dizziness, increased frequency of urination, indigestion, painful urination, upset stomach, tenderness in the stomach area, abnormal vision, anxiety, behavior change similar to drinkenness, bleeding of the eye, blurred vision, bone pain, breast enlargement, chest pain, chills, cold sweats, confusion, convulsions, cool and pale skin, deafness or hearing loss, difficulty concentrating, double vision, drowsiness, dry eyes, dry mouth, dryness, redness, scaling, or peeling of the skin, excessive hunger, eye pain, fainting, fast, irregular, or pounding heartbeat, feeling of something in the eye, fever or chills, severe headache, heart failure, hives, increased sweating, increased thirst, itching, lower back or side pain, severe nausea, nightmares, painful, swollen joints, prolonged, painful erection of penis, seeing shades of colors differently than before, sensitivity to light, shakiness, skin lesions with swelling, slurred speech, sore throat, sudden weakness, trouble breathing, unusual tiredness or weakness, blindness, diarrhea, ear pain, drooling, vomiting, failure to climax, ringing in ears….

Would you eat viagra ice cream?

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What’s older: older than the hills or old as shit?

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It’s my birthday! Now that I’m old and boring and can’t seem to put a party together to save my life, let’s look back at some of the better birthday parties I’ve had:

Mellzah’s Midnight Carnival

Redneck Fabulous

Buffetitties/Boobieffet

Mad Scientists of the Future

I just now realized there was never a post about Sparkle Party, my 30th, where we did it up in Vegas, and apparently there never will be because I’ve somehow misplaced the photos. Rest assured, everyone was eye-searingly sparkilicious.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go shake a cane and yell at teenagers and I am not even joking.

Spotted on the Roadside: Giant Milk Can

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Who doesn’t like ice cream served out of a giant milk can? Little Man Ice Cream drew a crowd even on a cold March evening. You may ask yourself: “Self, even in this relatively large milk can, how could one possibly fit all of these flavors?” The answer is: they don’t, so I may never know what a Space Junkie actually tastes like, though Salted Oreo was at least interesting if not life-changing.

Spotted on 16th St in Denver.