Berries slain in anger and pie

July 25, 2011 4 Comments read Masticating With Mellzah

Even though days that feel like summer in the Pacific Northwest have been fleeting, it’s still harvest time for blueberries. Last weekend, Jason and I found ourselves at the Henna Blueberry Farm as their blueberry season starts a week or two earlier than other farms–the reason being that they are protected from some of the rain by a large nearby hill, so they ripen faster.

^{Holy shit, it’s a giant blueberry! Aww, it’s just me.}

At the end of our vigorous picking endeavors, we found ourselves with nearly 10 pounds of blueberries, which, if that sounds like a lot, is in reality even more than that. Most of them are destined for the freezer, for the the times of year when blueberries are out of season and ridiculously expensive, but in the meanwhile, we’ve been eating blueberries on cereal, blueberries with lunch, blueberries with dinner, blueberries as a snack…We’ve made blueberry sorbet, and I’ve even made a blueberry pie. This is a big deal for me, as I’m terrible at making pie. I’ve had crusts burn, fillings erupt like a volcano all over the oven bottom, crusts turn out rubbery and tasteless; what I’m saying is that pie is not my forte.

However, this time I was determined to do it right. After cutting the butter into cubes, I put it in the freezer for an hour. I iced my hands before handling the crust, and even then handled it as little as possible. Between steps, the crust rested in the fridge. This made the pie-making process much longer than I’m used to, but I’m also used to not wanting to eat the pie after I make it, so obviously the fast way wasn’t working. For a fun touch, I used my pirate toast stamp to vent the top. I also foiled the edges of the crust to prevent them from burning, and placed a parchment-lined pan beneath the pie in case of filling explosion.

The foil pulled off some of the edge crust, so while it’s not a pretty pie, it IS a delicious one. The filling isn’t too sweet, it stays where it belongs when cut instead of slopping around, and the crust is flaky in a way I assumed no pie from my kitchen could ever be. Pie success! Now, if only I could learn how to make food look appetizing in a photograph instead of gross.

…Only 8 more pounds of blueberries to go.

Recipe can be found here.

Chairman of the Orange

July 22, 2011 3 Comments read furniture, Projects

Recently, a friend gave me some chairs and a side table for me to refinish that had seen their fair share of abuse; she didn’t want/need them anymore and didn’t have the time to fix them up.

I started on them today, and while the table is going to take more work than anticipated (and will thus get its own before/after post if I don’t screw it up completely), the chairs are just about done. I sanded them down–one of them required a lot more sanding than the other (can you guess which?), wiped them off, primed them, and then painted them the color I’ve deemed “Fuck Yeah Orange!” I am completely and totally into vibrant color lately, particularly in the kitchen, and since I’m not going to paint this kitchen orange like I did the last one, Fuck Yeah Orange! chairs are the very best next thing. I’m going to also make some cushions for them when I find the right fabric, which will be dual purpose–both protecting the finish and delicate hineys– but in the meanwhile, they will be a sorely needed splash of color in an otherwise entirely-too-neutral kitchen.

It’s so vibrant, my camera can hardly deal with it. LOVE IT. If I could find a leather/leatherette purse this color, I’d snatch it up in a second.

In other news, my manicure is shot, I’ve got primer in my hair, spraypaint coating the inside of my nose, and two to three distinct strata of sandpaper grime and dirt on the rest of my body. How many showers to get it all off? The world may never know.

Ho’n’Go Some Mo’

July 22, 2011 5 Comments read Everything is Terrible, Makeup

When I mocked press-on eyeshadow three years ago, I had no idea that it would stick around and that other companies would follow suit. I mean, really. Press-on zebra stripes? How many occasions does one have to wear such a thing? “Let’s see, today I have to go to the gym, the grocery store to pick up some asparagus, deposit this check at the bank…I’m thinking camouflage eyeshadow. Yeah, it’s definitely a camo kind of day. Let’s reserve leopard print for the office.”

But follow suit they have, as now with a little extra money and no sense whatsoever, you can purchase temporary lip tattoos.

Yes, you too can now let total strangers know that you shouldn’t be allowed to handle money, and from a distance, perhaps even project the appearance of late-stage oral disease. Or maybe even up close, as we all know how temporary tattoos flake and peel, and who DOESN’T want a potential lover to think of leprosy when looking at their lips? Oh, BABY.

But then again, since I have a history of being wrong about these sort of things, I’d like to present you with my brand new line of cheek tattoos, Cheeky Monkey:

Clownin’ Around