Quote of the day, overheard from one white trash hen to another. And I’m not paraphrasing, as each word was burned into my mind as I heard them.

“So she was outside, in the sun, watching her neighbor get evicted. Out in the sun. And then, all of a sudden, her uh, eye, uh retina! Her retina like detached right then. So she said see, she was being punished for watching her neighbor get evicted.”

Moral of the story: watch your neighbors on cloudy days? Just listen to them get evicted? It’s a puzzle to be sure.

Today’s defining moment:

“Please put your feet up in the stirrups and spread your legs.” “Dr. Zhai, I like you, but not in that way.” “…” “OH GOD OW. OW. OW.”

Exeunt.

A whole new pair of pants has risen up in the fight against me. This particular pair, I discovered on Saturday, I could take off and put on without going through the hassle of buttons and zips, yet my hips were enough to keep them up. This is a nigh-perfect Jeans Situation to be in.

Except, of course, the jeans were merely luring me into a trap. On Saturday, I was walking Napoleon, went to get the mail, and saw I had a package in the office, so I picked that up as well. With both hands occupied, I made my way back to my apartment, at which time, my pants sprung their trap and fell down. I flailed wildly for a few moments, as Napoleon at that EXACT MOMENT spotted another animal that he felt he must destroy, and started yanking me forward as I was attempting to maneuver the package and mail to the ground and pull up the renegade pants.

No fewer than three neighbors witnessed this.

*I* am the definition of class.