The answer is–nothing as corpsey as the mouse from pete23. That’s a very dashing pirate figurine, nny! Thank you! <3

Does it look to anyone else like he’s giving his gun a little cuddle?

Tomorrow, the five finalists in the domino magazine decorating contest go live for people to start voting for the winner. Based on the sample pictures they’ve already put up to show off people’s entries, it appears that the pirate bathroom has not made the cut, or that they even took it as a serious entry, even though I wrote what will likely go down as the best 100 words of my life for my submission. Apparently, to Domino magazine, pirates aren’t stylish. In that case, they can kiss my swashbuckling, sea-spray-and-rum-scented ass.

The Harry Potter nerd in me giggled at this return address:

And since I like spoiling surprises for myself, I checked out the customs declaration:

  And yet somehow I wasn’t able to put two and two together to piece out what would actually be inside the box. Do your best Sherlock Holmes impression–what do YOU think was inside?  

Even though I KNOW it’s dead, part of me wanted to shriek when I saw what was inside. And then I was torn between just taking a picture of it in the box, or actually touching it to clean off the styrofoam bits and pieces in order to get a good picture. For the record, touching a dead stuffed mouse is actually pretty (for lack of a better word) icky. I’m actually a little surprised that I’m as squicked by this as I am–I suppose eventually I will come to terms with it. For now, I really can’t deal with it staring at me with its beady, dead eyes. The IMPORTANT thing, however, is that the apartment manager is growing increasingly suspicious!

“So…godqueen of packageland, hmm? This wouldn’t have anything to do with the comment I made a few weeks ago, would it?”

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” (exit, stage left)

I have to admit, I was pretty excited about this one, coming from corsair street and all, especially since last week pandemoniachick said “I found the most ridiculously awesome-looking sword in the entire world. It was part pirate cutlass, part no one knows what. The hilt had a goddamn hook on the end. A HOOK. LIKE A PIRATE HOOK. It was completely retarded.”

…AND COMPLETELY FUCKING AWESOME.

No one, but NO ONE, is going to fuck with you when they see your sword sheath and hilt are covered in skulls. Skulls mean you are a badass. A badass with a HOOK.

I think it’s important that everyone know that the hook is removable, so one could theoretically hook and jab at the same time. The blade itself isn’t all that sharp, but the hook is actually quite wicked, and I forsee myself getting hurt in some sort of hilarious fashion involving said hook. Perhaps I’ll put an eye out–after all, it’s all fun and games once someone loses an eye.

As soon as I figure out how to get this heavy bugger to stay on the wall, it will have a place of honor in the pirate bathroom. Thank you so much, pandemoniachick!