Phone call transcription:

“Thank you for calling Guitar Center Kirkland, home of the guaranteed lowest price! This is Melissa, how may I direct your call?” “…You mean this isn’t a recording?” “Nope! I’m a living, breathing human being.” “Wow! Because you sound just like a recording. I’m going to have to give you 1,428 points for that. I just don’t have any choice in the matter.”

“….Um…Can I help you?”

Literally five minutes later, a guy walks up to me and comments on the red garland I’ve taken to wearing as a scarf.

“Festive! It looks cool, but doesn’t it hurt you?” “oh, well, it itches a bit, but nothing too bad.” “I like that. I’m into the pain thing. It turns me on.”

….I thought I no longer worked at a porn store?