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The Bestest Beach Weekend for the Bestest Boy

In late September, I knew my time with Napoleon was coming to an end. His dementia was starting to take a toll–he was withdrawing from us, he lost interest in toys and playtime, he would get lost in the house, he would pace the hall at night. It was hard to watch him slipping away from us, and after a lot of talking and crying, we made the decision to euthanize him at home before things progressed to the point where he was having more bad days than good. It was a hard choice, and I questioned my decision nigh-relentlessly. 

But before that, we decided to take him on a weekend trip. He was in heaven the last time we took him to the ocean, so we decided to go to the beach, so we could walk him out on the sand as much as he wanted to.

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Beach House Day Five: I do not roister with an oyster. I like my bed dry. An oyster, moister.

In the limited time I had on Wednesday before I had to drive home, we decided to take a trip to Oysterville to see what there was to see.

And when you’re in Intercourse, you take home…? Hobo Station? Slaughterville? Hooker Hole? New Erection? Gaylordsville? Don’t leave me hanging, sign! Oysterville clearly fancies itself the Honolulu of Washington, and the resemblance is striking once you analyze the data. Honolulu, the capital of Hawaii, has attracted nearly 380,000 residents. Oysterville is an unincorporated community in Washington, and though there is no population information online, I can tell you that the one street that comprises Oysterville contains precisely twelve houses. Amazing similarities, no? A tourist trap is not a tourist trap without a general store, and while there, I learned some fascinating things about oysters, from a fascinating book called Oysters A-Z. There was a book next to it called Oysterville A-Z, so clearly someone has cornered that market. 28726_398698358939_6513160_n Surprisingly enough, nothing caught my fancy enough to want to make it mine, and I wandered outside to watch something much more interesting: someone had gotten his truck caught out in the beds, and even pushing it from behind and attempting to tow it out with another truck couldn’t do the job. Eventually, the Gorton’s fisherman (most famous for his role in ‘I know what you did last summer’) wandered out with a piece of rope so ratty he likely got it from his last trip to Atlantis, they hooked his truck in, chariot style, and with two trucks pulling plus half the town pushing from behind, they were able to free the truck. 28726_398698383939_3222172_n Now that the problem had reached a conclusion and the most excitement the town had seen since the great oyster molester of ’23 had passed, we decided it was time to move along ourselves. Thus endeth Beach Week 2010.

Beach House Day Three: “If you can’t start behaving, they are going to kick us out of this museum!”

After the Cranberry Museum, we hopped over to the Maritime Museum to cause more trouble. And potentially learn something. But mostly cause more trouble.

We lost the supplies? We have resort to cannibalism?

28726_398695923939_5194180_n No, no, rescue is surely around the corner!

28726_398695948939_7260152_n Quick! Let’s commandeer this ship while the crew sleeps!

28726_398696088939_6250556_n Set a course for Barbados! Cabana boys, here we come! …I am still thinking about cannibalism.

28726_398696083939_4703022_n I am the best stealth captain ever! Muahahahaha!

28726_398695718939_7665459_n

28726_398696108939_2901520_n Help! Evan is being attacked by a fearsome octopus!

28726_398695938939_7731135_n Quick! Grab onto something, anything to pull us aboard!

28726_398696103939_2073117_n We’ll each have to demonstrate our specific skills in order to earn an honest living aboard the ship.

28726_398695728939_7153904_n Some of us are less naturally skilled than others and have to rely on the natural loneliness and drunkenness of sailors.

28726_398696113939_4196619_n How long is going to take for them to feed us? Crikey! …I am still thinking about cannibalism.

28726_398697888939_5399824_n Soooooo….hungry!

28726_398696128939_52363_n I don’t want to do any work, per se. I just want three hots and a cot.

28726_398698298939_8122080_n Quick, cut the power to create confusion so we can escape with a rowboat and provisions!

28726_398698308939_8164193_n A bye-bye, everybody!

28726_398695733939_5968991_n How could these sweet faces possibly wreak havoc on a perfectly nice museum?

28726_398695738939_3696192_n…Nevermind.