This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. PepsiCo is testing Mountain Dew flavored with Doritos at select colleges and universities, and calling the resulting abomination “Dewitos”. Also in the running must have been “Dorm Room: The Beverage”, “Gamez Quencher”, and “Malnutrition: A Portrait of the United States”.

Pros: It’s basically the college fine wine pairing but all at once so you don’t waste any time sniffing and swirling and commingling in your mouth, the fine flavor of Doritos kicking your Mountain Dew up a notch, the fine flavor of Mountain Dew sprinkled atop a Dorito without any sharp edges, saving money on buying Mountain Dew and Doritos separately so you can splurge on the fancy gum to cleanse your palate, no more tiresome chewing

Cons: My great readers have already determined the proper ways to consume mass quantities of liquid nacho cheese and none of them involved blending it with Mountain Dew, not the drink we need (though possibly the one we deserve), mentally envisioning the flavor of a soggy Mountain-Dew-logged Dorito, drinking this is like making a pact with the junk food devil: you’ll never be truly clean again

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