Last night I made strawberry jam and a strawberry-rhubarb pie. The jam-making went just fine, though with strawberry mixture AND water boiling for a good long while, my apartment felt like a Roman bathhouse. I hadn’t quite realized how hot it had gotten in my place–when I opened my freezer, cold air billowed out visibly, which is normal-ish for a freezer. Not so much so for a refrigerator, which also puffed out clouds of cold air.
Mmmm, great big widemouth jars of Washington strawberry jam.
By the time I finally got the dough and the filling ready for the pie, it was approaching 11pm. I don’t know if it was a failing of the recipe or a failing of my own at that point, but I remember thinking that it seemed like too much filling had been made, and not quite enough crust. The liquid in the filling crept out over the edges, which made me a little concerned, so I used a baster to remove some of the juice. I covered the edges in foil and popped it into the oven. Thirty minutes later, tendrils of smoke started curling out of the oven.
Uh oh.
Maybe a little filling dripped down and it was burning off.
The smoke started becoming heavier and more insistent.
Shit shit shit.
Why oh why doesn’t my oven have a peep window so I can see what’s going on inside? Oh right, because it was manufactured in the seventies when that icky almond color and faux wood paneling were sooooo chic and window ovens were a dream of the distant future, like sex robots and video games where you could actually tell what the sprites were supposed to be.
Still hovering on the edge of panic, I walked over to the oven and cracked the door to see if perhaps I’d managed to conjure up Satan, and found something MUCH more horrible. The filling had ERUPTED out of this pie. Filling everywhere, rapidly growing in volume like The Blob, wrapping itself around the heating elements and smoking like a prisoner in front of a firing squad. I had two choices…potentially underbake the pie or burn down my apartment.
Hmmm.
Underbake the pie.
Burn down the apartment.
They both had their unique appeal.
Eventually I decided that burning down the apartment could have some consequences I wasn’t fully cognizent of at the moment, given the amount of smoke I’d already inhaled, and pulled out the pie.
The foil around the edges did a marvelous job…of pulling off the outer crust.
Shit shit shit.
It might be edible (I haven’t tried it yet), but it sure isn’t going to win any pie beauty contests; the swimsuit round will kill it.
Either way, I know what I’m doing tonight.
making jam is such an amazing thing to me. I don’t understand why people see making tofu is so weird and mystical when – JAM! JELLY! PRESERVES! Come on. WAY more complicated.
Not that complicated, actually, at least with fruits. Canning vegetables is another story all together–I won’t even attempt it.
How does one make tofu?
Soymilk, heated, add coagulant (you can use epsom salt, but I use a refined deep-ocean salt for the flavor).
The protein chains will link, looking like eggdrop soup. scoop out the “egg” and press it in cheese cloth. Bam.
The hardest part is making the soymilk.
Canning requires the sealing, the wax, the sterilizing….man. Way too complicated for me.
Neat! Does it taste better/different from store-bought tofu?
If I use the deep ocean salt, or otherwise add flavoring (sage, fenugreek, etc)
yeah.
If I use the 1/100th of the cost and easier to get magnesium chloride, no, because I’m making it the same way they make it at the tofu places.
But I get to make it myself, in the amount I need. If you have the raw soymilk around, it only takes 15 minutes to make a slab of tofu.
Tofu posts – making tofu
1st legitimate attempt at making tofu: http://scearley.livejournal.com/1169750.html
1st quality attempt: http://scearley.livejournal.com/1212479.html
Extra pic: http://scearley.livejournal.com/1218845.html
Re: Tofu posts – making tofu
That’s really cool! I know you’re super busy at the moment with moving and whatnot–are you going to get back to posting more cooking stuff? 🙂
Re: Tofu posts – making tofu
I have two that I just haven’t written up yet. My pics are all on my phone, because my camera is dead and I can’t find the charger ATM. But I made pho (meh) and tahini pancakes.
Re: Tofu posts – making tofu
Tahini pancakes sound amazing.
tahini pancakes
1 1/4c c flour
2 Tbsp sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 c tahini
1 1/4 c water
makes enough for 2 or 3 people.
….i want a sex robot.
the future sucks
We ALL want sex robots.
Well….yeah. duh.
Every time I think I still want flying cars, though, I think about every OTHER idiot on the road having the power of flight and it makes me shudder a little. Maybe we *shouldn’t* have some things in the future.
I’m fine with flying cars as long as I’m the only one that has one. I’ve been waiting for this thing to roll off the assembly lines since high school (was going to build it with my dad), but it’s taken for. ever. to get past the design phase.
If you’re the only one who has a flying car, though, the infrastructure won’t be in place for you to actually USE it.
Who could stop me? I’d have a flying car, Melzah. Pff – chicks.
And THAT’S why you need a sex robot, Mr. Misogynist.
D:
….this is probably true.
That and your horse-killing stories.
Hey! Those skins netted me $10, thankyouverymuch! That allowed me to buy ‘Revolver Ammunition.’
So there.
I was talking about the horse latitudes story.
NOW, I’m calling PETA on you.
….oh
Ingrid Newkirk said you’re in trouble. She’s going to ‘rescue’ your dogs. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?
Otis would attack her with his Mega Tongue. She wouldn’t stand a chance.
As is my understanding, she only needs to be within five feet of an animal to kill it instantly with her Laser Hypocrite Vision.
troof
I think about how even a fender-bender results in multiple deaths and destroyed buildings below.
It would be SOOOOOOO AWESOME.
“I’m late for work!” ZOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM pew-pew-pew! Zing! wooooosh! POW! [explosion noises]
That, too. It’s a fun sci-fi element but real world implementation is a bad idea on a number of levels.
I had no idea pie filling would explode. Good to know!
Anything is possible when *I’m* in the kitchen.
No wonder my dog runs and hides when I turn the oven on!
“Either way, I know what I’m doing tonight.”
Eating pie. DUH.
While crying and cleaning my oven, that’s about the long and short of it.
You’ve just described 80% of the Lifetime Movies of the week.
It needs a good Lifetime movie title. Something Something Betrayal. Ideas?
Possible titles
Home Cooked Revenge
The Nanny’s Betrayal
Strawberry-Scented Pencils: a Pedophile’s Warning
My Husband the Taxi Dancer
Tears in the Bread
My Daughter’s Lunchbox
Scenes through an Oven Window
Re: Possible titles
My favorites are:
Strawberry-Scented Pencils: a Pedophile’s Warning
Tears in the Bread
My Daughter’s Lunchbox
My Daughter’s Lunchbox made me laugh out loud!
Re: Possible titles
How about:
The Upper Crust
Burnt Offerings
Handicapped Sweetness
The Homemaker’s Scars
(Geez, this is almost too easy!)
Re: Possible titles
Love’s Bitter Filling
Just Desserts
Too Hot To Love
Confessions of a Smoker
Re: Possible titles
Brambles in the Berry Patch
Emotional Spills
Oven Cleaning and Other Inspirational Chores to Clean Up Her Life
Berries and Regret
Re: Possible titles
These are all so awesome!
What Happened On Davis Street
Seeds of Betrayal
The Bake Sale That Never Was
A Little Slice of Unhappiness
Re: Possible titles
You’re killing me with “What Happened on Davis Street” and “The Bake Sale That Never Was”. XD
Oven Mitts and Misunderstandings
Half-Baked Love
One Cookie Sheet Short
Jam in the Household
Another Mess in the Oven
Re: Possible titles
Her Cup Runneth Over
Playing With Fire
Burning Desire
No, I’ll Never Live Up To Your Mother (I’m envisioning this as a miniseries)
Re: Possible titles
Burned by Love
The Pie Incident
A Spill in the Kitchen
An Oven, A Pie, and Her
homemade strawberry jam. yuuuuuum!
and boo to the oven! i wish that ovens had screens that show you the inside so you know when certain things are done. (then again, i do have a tendency to leave in garlic bread, pizza, potatoes and thensome to burn. booumns.)
Yeah, a window on my oven would make my life so much tastier/easier. It runs a few degrees hot, so it’s hard for me to reliably know when things are done–I have to remove them when they start smelling delicious because that typically means burning is aproximately a minute or two away.
mmm, pie enflammé
On a completely unrelated note: Like the Etna icon
Thanks! Disgaea is one of my favorite game series ever. 🙂
Disgaea is a pretty awesome series. Prinnies are full of win.
I picked up the most recent PSP game but haven’t played it yet. 🙂
Nice :D. I still haven’t gotten all the way through 3. I get so distracted by leveling up weapons and armor, and these games end up taking me forever to beat XD
I’ve beaten one and two, but not three–I actually need to start three over because I got distracted and walked away early in the game and have now quite forgotten the story.
yah I probably have to restart too. It has been a while and I don’t exactly remember what is happening in the story line.
Underbaked or not, it looks delicious!
Hopefully it tastes delicious!
I usually put my pie on a cookie sheet covered in foil just in case of spillage…
That is a GREAT idea and I’m going to do that from now on!
It may not be a pretty pie but I bet it still tastes pretty good :o)
I’m still giggling at the mental image of Satan crawling out of your oven XD
The way smoke was pouring out of the oven, it seemed like Satan was a legitimate possibility!
“Would you like Pie or Death?”
Death! No, wait, Pie!
Sorry, we’re out of pie…
Well, so my choice is ‘or death’, then? I’ll have the chicken.
yikes!
Yeah, that would be a dose of my patented Kitchen MagicTM.
Cleaning the oven is one of my least favourite jobs so I feel your pain.
I hope it all comes off ok.
I want one of those magic one-swipe-clean teflon ovens. 🙁
I’m soooooooo jealous!!!
I want an almond colored oven with faux wood paneling. 🙂
hahaha this one also cooks too hot and doesn’t have a timer. Still want it?
My oven doesn’t have a timer either. 😛
It’s metal looking. 🙁
I’d swap if we could, I’ve been on the apartment manager to get me a new oven since day one.
Break it. Then she’ll have to get you a new one right? 🙂
Eh, she’d probably just swap it with another cruddy old oven from an empty unit, so there’s really no point.
This just reminded me that I have a Marie Calendar’s Cherry Crunch Pie sitting in my freezer that was supposed to be baked tonight….damn it. So tomorrow is bake a frozen pre-made pie day at my house.
I’m just too lazy to make it from scratch…HAHAHA