October 8th Ju-On Color, 2000 Not as grisly as I had heard/anticipated, but genuinely creepy, and I’m glad I didn’t watch it just before bed.

October 9th Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust Color, 2001. Mmmmmm, Vampire Hunter D.

October 10th Eegah! Color, 1962. Arch Hall Jr’s performance in this film made me sad to be alive. “Wow-zee-wow-wow Roxy!” And then he starts SINGING and it somehow gets EVEN WORSE. Also, watch out for snakes.

October 11th Elvira’s Haunted Hills Color, 2002. I first saw this at a pre-screening at comic-con with the lady herself, and yet somehow I managed to avoid telling her that once upon a time, I dressed up as the nerdiest, fattest version of her, EVER in the hopes of getting a boy to like me. Now I sort of wish I had, if only because watching people contort their faces to try and remain polite is secretly hilarious to me.

October 12th Cat’s Eye Color, 1985. This was intended as a vehicle for young Drew Barrymore, at some point in her career after ET, but before rehab. In this movie, she plays so many people’s daughter that you either come to the conclusion that (a)all little girls look alike or (b)that girl’s parents must be REALLY awful for her to be shuffled around like that. Two of the three segments are really successful, but the last one sucks pretty hard. Best to shut the movie off 2/3rds of the way through. You won’t have missed anything, promise.

October 13th The Wild Wild World of Batwoman B/W, 1966. This movie was so bad, it hurt me physically. So…a bunch of girls pledge themselves to Batwoman. The pledge involves drinking blood, or rather, strawberry yoghurt, and then giggling about being vampires. And then dancing. A lot of dancing. Something happened after this point, but I’m not certain exactly what, as my brain tried to escape.

October 14th Army of Darkness Color, 1992. Not only do REAL MEN love this movie, so do I. “Ok, you primitive screwheads, listen up! You see this? This…is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?”

October 15th Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter Color, 1966. Based on the title alone, I figured this movie would have to be awesome. Never judge a movie by its title. I’m a little surprised that Mystery Science Theater 3000 has never done this one–then again, it would just be too easy.

Up tonight: I haven’t decided yet–a trip to the video store is in order. I’m hoping they have Piranha Part II: The Spawning; I hear that these fish defy the laws of nature and FLY.

I’ve made it a personal goal to watch at least one ‘scary’ movie per day in the month of October–I have to keep it lighter or cheesier on days when Amy is around as she doesn’t do so well with anything gruesome, much in the same way that I feel I should include ‘When Harry Met Sally’ on this list; romantic comedies make my stomach churn. So far, I’m doing really well; and as an added bonus, the movies have helped me keep my Halloween mojo up so that I’m motivated to continue to sew while I watch, when ordinarily, I would’ve become disinterested/lazed off by this point.

October 1st The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (MST3K version) B/W Original movie: 1962, MST3K treatment: 1993 One of the funniest MST3Ks I’ve ever seen, with a line delivered during the car accident scene that will likely carry me for the rest of my life–“Diarrhea was raging inside me like a STORM!” I laughed until I cried.

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra B/W, 2001 Intended as a send-up of the 50’s B movies, and hits the mark perfectly. The world was disemboweled in terror!

October 2nd Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street B/W, 1936 Obtained for the purchase price of one dollar at Fred Meyer (with two movies AND a monster cartoon!), it’s a swell bargain but just an ok movie. The cannibalism aspect is merely hinted at, and the transfer is poor at best; dialogue is glitchy. You get what you pay for, I suppose.

Sleepy Hollow Color, 1999 I’d slam Johnny Depp like a Halloween pumpkin.

October 3rd Nightmare Before Christmas Color, 1993 One of my all-time favorites.

House of 1000 Corpses Color, 2003 Captain Spaulding is one of the greatest scary clowns ever. In fact, I may have to be Captain Spaulding for Halloween next year! Also, if a ‘fried chicken and museum of oddities + murder ride’ actually existed, I would vacation there every summer.

October 4th Prince of Space b/w, 1959 This movie made me sad to be alive.

Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn color, 1987 This remains one of my favorites if only for the scene where he stomps on the ghoul’s head, an eyeball pops out, and flies into a screaming girl’s open mouth. AMAZING.

October 5th Plan 9 From Outer Space b/w, 1959 This movie has been called ‘The worst movie ever made’, a statement which I happen to wholeheartedly DISAGREE with. It’s far too entertaining to be the worst movie ever made. Besides, everyone knows that The Worst Movie Ever Made is Freddy Got Fingered, that cinematic piece of garbage starring Tom Green. Some friends of mine spent COLLEGE DOLLARS renting it, which are higher value than BIG PERSON DOLLARS because there’s no more of it coming in, and we couldn’t get past the first fifteen minutes. The verdict was that we all hope Tom Green dies in a fire. The Second Worst Movie Ever Made is really anything starring Pauly Shore.

October 6th Ghoulies II color, 1987 I first saw this movie as a wee child, and it terrified me. For years afterward, I would compulsively check the toilets for a toilet monster, sometimes looking two or three times before I would take a seat. This is one of the rare movies where the sequel is far, far more entertaining than the original. In this case, it wouldn’t have been too difficult considering the original, in something I previously considered physically impossible, both sucked AND blew at the same time.

October 7th The Ninth Gate color, 1999 While real men may love the ninth gate, I just thought it was ok. I’m good with the non-ending ending, I’m just not enthralled with how it got there–for 97% of the movie, the main character has one goal, and then in the last 3%, it’s like “hey, also, I want to meet the devil”. Without the driving force throughout the film, or even a larger portion of it, the last bit plays hollow to me.

Young Frankenstein b/w, 1974 Not one of my favorites of Mel Brooks’ efforts. I know, I know, I am alone in that remark. Funny sometimes, but not hilarious. However, the ‘putting on the ritz’ performance makes me laugh every time.

Up for tonight–Ju-on. Supposed to be GRUESOME. I can’t wait!

I finally got a working copy of The Curious Dr. Humpp from Netflix yesterday. Bad horror movie meets Skinemax really only begins to describe it. It’s a 70’s exploitation film from Argentina about a doctor who has his in-house monster kidnap nymphomaniacs and bring them to his mansion/laboratory to perform experiments on them, extracting fluids from them which he drinks to keep from turning into a monster himself. Strangest movie of all time? It’s in the running, for sure.

If you ever wondered where Rob Zombie gets his movie samples from, I recognized quite a few in this movie, and I would imagine the rest come from the rest of the Something Weird video line. Most notably “Use my body to keep you alive!”, “The effect is disappating at least ten minutes faster now. I’m going to need stronger doses, more frequently”, “Nonetheless, humans are more sexual than animals, you know it!”, and “That’s all you think about. Me give you all the sex you want, oh PLEASE!”.

Also entertaining were the special features. What did I learn from a woman making love to a paper skeleton? I think the more appropriate question is, “What DIDN’T I learn?”