DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200

28 Comments read Everything is Terrible

Apparently some girl named Karalee Buttroof* is in some serious legal trouble in Orange County, and like the adult she is, gave the authorities my work cell number, which has been ringing off the hook and getting filled with vaguely-threatening messages. I, for one, am pretty impressed at the amount of information they’ll hand out over the phone, even after I’ve made it clear that I’m not the Buttroof they’re looking for.

*HAHAHAHA

IMPORTANT POLL

10 Comments read Everything is Terrible

I would not typically poll two entries in a row, but since mschilepepper revealed that she was drive-by masturbated at, I am absolutely dying to know how many people I know who have had this happen to them. Yeeeears ago, I remember that spanishbombs joined an email list for truckers who liked to masturbate while driving and posted some of their hilarious messages, so maybe this is not as uncommon as I would like to believe!

Poll #1342956 Heeeeeere chickchickchickchick Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 28

Have you ever been drive-by masturbated to/at?

View Answers Yes 5 (18.5%)No 22 (81.5%)

If so, please tell the story.

If not, would you like to have this happen?

View Answers Yes 1 (3.7%)Hell no! 7 (25.9%)

It depends…is the masturbator hot? 11 (40.7%)

Please do not take this as a cue to masturbate at me, Mellzah. 8 (29.6%)

Have you ever been an unwitting participant in anyone’s sexual activity? (Flashing, foot-stomping, etc. Let us keep it freaky and light, please. I am not trying to dredge up traumatic experiences.)

View Answers Yes 14 (53.8%)No 12 (46.2%)

Please share with the class.

zophos — Foot-stomping is a sexual activity now? One time I walked in on some lesbians having sex in what had to have been the nastiest public restroom ever. This was after a random guy put his tongue in my ear with no introduction.
ryanlion — In college the roommate of a guy I was seeing would have beyond normal loud sex with his GF, it didn’t help that the walls were paper thin. We’d make fun of them, to their face, they’d laugh with us, and be just as noisy the next time.
dslartoo — Have heard a neighbor having sex before. Talked to her the next morning, made an off-color remark about it and she went BRIGHT red. Never heard her after that, which was a shame.
maps_or_guitars — Although I might have been. I mean, the whole thing about being an unwitting participant is that you don’t know you’re participating.
piemancer — O, just folks on the bus. Not even exciting folks. Just folks who think proximity means arousal.
watchout5 — She wanted goat noises…
crazyfaeriegirl — Flashing and naked-girl-parties. I was actually the only dressed female at the naked girl party and got harassed for it. It kinda sucked.
penguinet — See above and a friend emailed me today to see if I had any new pictures. Apparently he caught his friend masturbating at his computer to my picture. I was like, uhm…
autonomic_pilot — I was at the SPCC and they were… looking… at me. It helped that they were both chicks and pretty easy on the eys.
mschilepepper — I dated a guy who I later learned has a sneezing fetish. I have allergies. ‘Nuff said.
darkkatpouncing — Driving down the road my friend John driving and we look to the left and he says “IS THAT ASS?” and indeed there was a big round ass pushed up against the window of a van…hells NO LOL.
spinningfire — Well, I do run a masturbation party………….
lady_sotha — I walked in on the beginnings of an orgy at some Halloween party years ago. Definitely weird.

If you had a choice, who would you prefer to be targeted by?

View Answers Drive-by masturbators 5 (18.5%)Flashers 11 (40.7%)

Bus-fondlers 1 (3.7%)

Neighbors who fuck so hard they knock down things in your home 7 (25.9%)

Dressing room sales clerks who make you feel so, so dirty 6 (22.2%)

The foot-fetishist shoe salesperson who maybe holds onto your feet well past your comfort zone. 2 (7.4%)

Shoe-mirror guys 0 (0.0%)

Someone who pokes a package of ground meat while staring at you intently 6 (22.2%)

Mellzah 17 (63.0%)

 

Who loves bad art?

11 Comments read So Terrible It's Amazing

Poll #1342550 IMPORTANT POLL Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 32

What is your first thought upon viewing this masterpiece?

Is this so bad it’s good, or so bad it’s bad?

View Answers Bad? It’s amazing! 3 (9.4%) 

It’s awesomely bad. 14 (43.8%)

It’s ‘Batman & Robin’ level bad–nothing at all redeeming about it. 8 (25.0%)

It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen. 5 (15.6%)

…mommy. 2 (6.2%)

If I was to buy this, would it affect your perception of me?

View Answers Yes. I’d think your home is more awesome due to its presence. 8 (25.8%) 

Yes. I’d want to know what room you keep it in, in order to avoid it forever. 11 (35.5%)

Yes. I know you like trash culture, but this is JUST. TOO. MUCH. What’s next, collecting Tarot comics? 11 (35.5%)

Nope. 7 (22.6%)

Ticky box! 12 (38.7%)