That swimsuit doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

8 Comments read Attractions

Last week Tuesday, a group of people skipped work, went to Federal Way, and exposed their pasty flesh to the sun in order to blast their insides Chlorine Clean(TM) on water rides.

Shannon, Chelsea and I were there when the park first opened, and it was yet quiet enough that we were able to get on nearly all of the waterslides before we were set to meet the second wave of people at the beer garden at noon. On our way in, the bag-checker said he needed to inspect the bag of a girl next to me. He asked her if she’d brought any outside food or drinks, she said no, he touched the bag and heard the crumple of food wrappers, asked her to please remove the food, she said “What food?” and so he opened the bag and found it stuffed with Jack in the Box food. The girl said “Ohh….we aren’t allowed to bring in food?” HAR HAR. She, too, knows the power of ‘oh’ to remedy foot-in-mouth!

At noon, we were joined by Kirsti, Brian, Kyle, Ashley, Tonya, Andy, and the latter two’s children.

This year, we spent all of our time on the waterpark side of things–we could have left to go on rollercoasters, but summer weather this year has been so fleeting and proper swimming temperatures so scarce that it was nice to lounge in the water, bouncing around in the wave pool, or even just hanging out in the hot tub. We hung out almost until the park closed, at which time, I was sunburned (though not as badly as the year before) and MORE than ready to get my glasses out of the locker and be able to see again. It was such a fun day, and I’m so glad that so many awesome people were willing to ditch work and have fun in the sun!

I stole Kiki’s picture!

When a girl has a heart of stone, there’s only one way to melt it. Just add Ice.

47 Comments read Movies, Reviews

On Sunday, some friends and I had a Vanilla Ice-a-thon, which consisted of two movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, and the amazing, can’t-believe-I-hadn’t-seen-it-before, Cool as Ice.

Dinner beforehand played out like Vanilla Ice: Behind the Music, as each of us brought our esoteric Ice knowledge to the table. “Did you know that he’s a motocross champion?” “Did you know he tried to make a comeback as a rap-metal artist in the late 90’s at the height of nu-metal’s popularity?” “Did you know he was involved in backyard wrestling?” “Did you know that ‘Ice Ice Baby’ is the only video to ever be permanently banned from playing on MTV? They actually had Vanilla Ice come in and destroy the video himself. He was a good sport about it but you could see that he wasn’t happy about doing it.” “Are you familiar with the concept of ‘icing’? Apparently there’s some sort of bounty if you ice Vanilla Ice.”

While we probably should have been downing Smirnoff Ice while watching this film, we made do with gin & tonics with lots of ice, ice baby…but not too much, lest our drinks get too cold, too cold.

Cool as Ice is a film that ostensibly has a plot and some underlying themes. The main theme is “Whatever a normal person would do, you should do the opposite.” So if you’re in the witness protection program, not only should you go on TV, but when your dumb ass is found and threatened by these figures from your past, you shouldn’t immediately call the police and instead wait until your child is kidnapped. If some dude on a motorcyle tries to kill you and your horse with his awesome stunt, you should probably date him. If that dude is Vanilla Ice, and you find him in your bedroom one morning and he wakes you up by jamming an ice cube in your mouth, you should probably take your top off instead of screaming, like a normal person would do.

It also arguably has some of the best, most believable dialogue of the last twenty years with Vanilla delivering lines like, “Drop that zero and get with the hero,” “What’s it like to have parents,” “I’m gone like yesterday,” and, approximately every other minute, “Yep yep!”.

It is horrible. I love it.

I’m also considering being Vanilla Ice for Halloween this year. Who could resist this tempting ensemble?

Apparently, Ice makes an appearance in the Juggalo Western, Big Money Rustlas, which is on the docket for a group viewing sometime this fall. Western wear or clown paint required.