I had a lot of difficulty prying myself out from under the blankets this morning. I figured it was that I was tired from the extremely busy weekend I’d had and that I’d snap awake soon enough. Several cups of tea and a big cup of coffee later, my body was warm and awake, but my eyes still felt tired. Almost…itchy.

Oh goddamnit, I realized, I’m getting sick. Probably because I’ve had my face mere inches from MANY other faces this weekend which is not typically the case for me, and no amount of hand sanitizer is going to protect me from germs breathed directly into my face.

I did what has become first instinct in this situation: whine to facebook. A friend suggested I immediately start taking “Wellness Formula”, a mysterious vitamin supplement which requires you to take six capsules every three hours, which seems a bit excessive as each capsule is approximately the size of my dog. I took a break from work and went to Super Supplements to pick up a supply of this so-called wellness formula, because one, this girl would not steer me wrong, and two, if I’m going to take anything to stave off illness, sooner is better than later.

The first six capsules made me feel rather nauseated as I took them on a nearly empty stomach, so when it came time for the next six (about 45 minutes ago), I took them directly after a meal in the hopes of warding off more ill feelings. This was a mistake. These pills are now sitting directly on top of my dinner at the uppermost portion of my stomach, and they are making me burp every few minutes. They are making me burp the taste of evil. What does evil taste like, you ask? Evil is a potent mixture of rancid garlic, ginger, and goat’s breath. Every time I burp, I shudder, swear, and want to throw up. So much for staving off illness.