“Ten minutes and not ONE person has said ‘LET HIM OUT!’. This is why I love Seattle.”

30 Comments read Live Shows, Reviews

On Saturday, Jason, Amy and I went to see Penn & Teller at the Paramount theater. When I first saw they would be in town on the Paramount sign, I squealed and very nearly drove off the road in my excitement–they hardly ever tour, and come to the Pac NW even more rarely; this was their first show here in more than a decade! Sure, I COULD go see them in Vegas, but that would require more effort on my part. A lot more.

As it was, we put in the bare minimum effort possible and didn’t bother to make reservations for dinner anywhere as none of us thought getting a table near huge shopping venues during the busiest shopping season of the year would be an issue, which meant we spent some time wandering around looking for somewhere that didn’t have people stacked out the door, and ended up eating at a restaurant simply called “Mexico”. The food was indeed vaguely Mexican, which meant delicious margaritas for all.

After dinner, we went to the theater and found our seats. Amy and I were on the fourth row in the second mezzanine, which was pretty ideal in terms of being able to see the stage–had even a basketball player parked himself in front of me, it’s unlikely he would have blocked my view. However, we were seated next to The Amazing Crow Woman who could not be merely satisfied with laughing and clapping, she had to caw like the world’s largest and most obnoxious bird. There’s always one. And that one is always next to me. Well, this time there were at least two, because after the show, some dude who just stepped out of mom’s basement and away from his collection of serial killer fingernail clippings for the first time in a decade tried to strike up a conversation with us. I’m not quite sure where his goggles were, but his conversational skills included a vacuous stare and a spit-filled pronouncement of “I liiiiike maaaagic”. He then proceeded to ask Teller to sign the backs of his credit cards.

The show itself was wonderful–they did some tricks I remembered from when I saw them in 2005, but also added quite a few new parts to their performance. I tried NOT to be drooly goggle-eyed boy when I approached them, but I swear to you it was difficult, because I adore Penn and Teller in a way that’s probably not entirely healthy. Nonetheless, I don’t think they had a conversation on the plane on the way back home about that frigging weirdo chick they met…I hope.

A real cliffhanger ending

35 Comments read Everything is Terrible

This weekend, I received a notice on my door from the apartment manager, stating that patios are to be kept clean of all items other than plants and patio furniture, and that any other clutter in this area was a violation of my lease agreement. The specific item on my patio that needed to be removed was listed as a “cone”.

…I was deeply confused, as I keep nothing on my patio. There was a branch that had fallen from a tree onto my patio, but that hardly qualified as conical. What else was out there? A traffic cone? A cone of shame? A giant ice cream cone?

I couldn’t help but be lured outside by the prospect of a giant ice cream cone, much in the same way that the song “Turkey in the Straw” can send me furiously prospecting for change in my pockets while running out into the street.

There was no cone to be found, not on my patio, not on my neighbors’–though all of theirs were positively LOADED with crap. Mattresses and garbage and broken kids’ toys and all manner of miscellania that were neither plants nor patio furniture, because I do indeed live in a classy apartment complex.

Not only was the mysterious cone missing, but also mysteriously vanished was a huge chunk of land directly behind my patio.

Dirt used to go right up to the fence, now there is a three foot mini-cliff which indicates to me that I ought not play with the dog back there anymore as he is not smart enough to avoid such a gargantuan hole.

I wonder if this means that one day my apartment building itself will slide down the hill onto the highway below, and if so, does my insurance cover it?

SHAZAM, it’s Christmas (bitches)!

28 Comments read Uncategorized

Yesterday, a group of us gathered at confusednazgul’s apartment building to watch the classic Christmas movie, A Christmas Story, and to demonstrate to one another exactly how the piggies eat.

Except instead of mashed potatoes and red cabbage, we did it with pizza and cookies. I must admit, I look quite fetching coated in cookie crumbs up to my eyebrows.

After the movie, we played a couple of games of Apples to Apples, and then…we took a ride around the block in a freaking DeLorean.

Do we know how to party or what?