Ultimate Cinnamon Rolls

I’ve tried a few different cinnamon roll recipes, and none of them have been quite perfect. They’ve always had an element that just wasn’t what I expect from a cinnamon roll. A friend had given me her recipe for the world’s perfect cinnamon rolls, and while her filling and frosting were perfect, the rolls themselves were hard and dry–and this was on my second attempt with them, halving the flour after the first batch was such a wreck that the dough wouldn’t even come together. I then ended up feeding these rock hard rolls to the members of my book club and I doubt they’ll be inviting me to host again any time soon. Since then, I’ve tweaked and tweaked and tweaked, and now I believe I finally possess the ultimate cinnamon roll recipe. Soft. Cinnamony. Delicious. But they’ll put you in your grave if you eat more than one.

 

Ultimate Cinnamon Rolls

Dough Ingredients:

2 1/4 tsp yeast (1 packet)

1/2 cup warm water

1/3 cup sugar

4 cups flour

6 tbsp melted butter

1 cup milk

1 tsp vanilla

2 tsp salt

 

Filling Ingredients:

1 cup butter at room temperature

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar (packed)

2 tbsp cinnamon

1 tsp vanilla

 

Frosting Ingredients:

12oz cream cheese at room temperature

1/2 cup butter at room temperature

2 tsp vanilla extract

4 cups powdered sugar

 

Directions:

Mix together the yeast and water–make sure the water is at a happy yeast temperature. Too hot and it will kill the yeast, too cold and it won’t do squat. Take two tablespoons out of your measured sugar and add it to the yeast/water mix. Whisk together and then let stand for three minutes. Add 1 cup flour and stir. Add the rest of the flour, the sugar, the melted butter, the milk, and the salt. Process until the dough comes together and pulls away from the side of the bowl. Take your bread baby and put it in a bowl coated in cooking spray and cover it with plastic, leaving it in a warm place until it’s doubled in size (about two hours). While the dough is rising, make your filling and your frosting by blending all of the respective ingredients together. When your dough is ready, roll it out on floured surface, slather it with about half of the filling, roll it up lengthwise, and cut into one-inch segments. Take the remainder of your filling and coat the bottom of the pan you’re using with it. Place your rolls on top, cover them with a towel, and allow them to rise for another 45 minutes. Bake at 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes until golden brown. Makes ~20 rolls.

 

The bottoms of the rolls will be coated in caramelized sugar, the rolls will be fluffy, and the filling will be oozy and perfect. The frosting keeps the cinnamon from being overpowering, and they’re like little bites of fluffy cinnamon heaven, which is where you’ll be if you eat the whole pan. I made a half-batch tonight and we STILL will not be polishing them off. They’re so worth it, though.

Monster Movie Madness: Michael Jackson’s Ghosts

Less a movie than a 38 minute long music video, Michael Jackson’s Ghosts portrays Michael Jackson as a loner living on the outskirts of town who enjoys entertaining the local children and who is about to be run out of town by a lynch mob. This was in no way inspired by real life events, right? Said angry mob is lead by the town’s mayor, who bears a striking resemblance to the lead prosecutor in the child abuse case against Jackson in 1993. In fact, if you watch it with a thought toward Jackson’s history and public opinion about him, it’s actually quite sad, as he was no doubt aware of all of the people who thought he was a freak, and it comes through crystal clear in Ghosts*. For maximum entertainment value, it’s probably best to enjoy it on a superficial level.

On a superficial level, this “movie” features: the worst angry mob I’ve ever seen, pretty great makeup effects, decent CG, MJ shooting ectoplasm out of his hands, and a moonwalking skeleton. Worth the watch for the moonwalking skeleton alone!

*However, if Michael Jackson entertained his guests by screaming “HOOOOO!” every few seconds, I’m glad I was never invited to Neverland.

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Mysterious Bones

A couple of months ago, Napoleon found a bone in our backyard. I wrested it out of his mouth and got a nip on the hand for my efforts–he really wanted to keep it and I was adamant about not letting him have it. I left it out on the patio to show Jason when he got home, but when I took him outside, the bone was gone. Whatever picked it up and moved it was not the dog, as he had been shooed indoors immediately after the bone incident and had not been out of my sight since. Whatever took the bone moved pretty fast, too–this whole scene took place over the course of no more than half an hour, from appearance to bite to banishment to disappearing act.

A few weeks later, Napoleon found another similar bone in the backyard. This time, I bribed out of his mouth with a treat, picked it up, and threw it away.

This afternoon, a different, larger bone appeared on the patio. Where are these bones coming from? What is moving them around? And what in the hell is buried in my backyard?