After extensive biological and anatomical testing, I regret to announce that our findings are… inconclusive. This thing may or may not be human.

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I’m 30 now, and with age comes a sense that I have been falling behind on my creative projects, be they writing or otherwise. It’s not so much a sense as it is the ability to read the giant list of “Things I will blog about”, some of which are now a year overdue, and look about the house and see a number of started and quasi-abandoned projects: apparently the act of making a list does not actually move me toward the end goal. Moments of adulthood and stick-to-it-tiveness come in fits and spurts, and I might be in the middle of one now.

In December, I made a Sasquatch spoon rest and indicated that I’d post a picture of it once it had been fired. BLAM.

 

Mostly, it’s shinier. I hope you weren’t holding your breath this whole time!

The easiest thing down, only 35 more items on my “to blog” list, a table to varnish, cushions to dye, and an assload of napkins to sew and embroider, plus exciting day-to-day tasks like cleaning, laundry, errands that should be fast but somehow take forever, an internship to do, a home business to start, a wedding to plan, and potentially a new paying job on the line. Holy monkeySasquatch!

Sometimes I invent things: The Goddess Juicer

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To be perfectly honest, I don’t even remember know how this disgusting idea came to be. One moment, I was chatting with The Harpies, and the next, I was trying to figure out why no one else had ever tried to market an at-home period suction device that looks remarkably like a turkey baster–the room went silent, I looked up, and everyone had the most horrified looks on their faces, like I’d just suggested we create and sell a photographic version of “The Kama Sutra” with posed taxidermied animals wearing jaunty hats: I knew I had a winner.

I give you The Goddess Juicer. Why wait for nature to take its course, when you can ease its passage and take control of your womanly destiny with a sparkling, rose-scented squeeze bulb?